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I'm 71 years old and allowed myself to be abuised for over 20years out of a 36 year marriage. I lost my daughters and grandchildren because of my actions. I've got no one I'm totally alone. I found out that my husband was a drug addict to prescriptions and was a thief and a liar who manipulated everyone around him he was a good guy. I was to busy working raising a family and continued to let this man use me because I loved him. I just realized love shouldn't hurt. He's left our home for years at a time, I've never gone with any one else. I've been raped strangled beaten bruised bloodied ,used money and antiques stolen etc. . I allowed myself to be used over and over why I don't know still don't I thought I loved him because we had a special bond . I was kidding myself and it hurts more than you know. I tried to end my life to get rid of the pain of abuise and failed years ago. Couldn't live with the pain of losing my family. . I'm so alone sitting in a house wasting away waiting to die someday someone will notice by my mail or my dog. What a shame I was a beautiful strong loving wife and mother grandmother to be left this way to die alone and broken because I was abuised I blame , my children for not protecting me,, the courts most of all I blame myself for loving a man and not loving myself more. I need help and I still do.

Hi, I want to share my story of my domestic abuse relationship. Now, I understand the victims and survivors in abusive relationship; I understand how tiring it is to hope that they will change or a sign that they are in a good mood. I was a victim of covert emotional abuse. Experiencing this kind of abuse is like I have been brainwashed in a way that his words manipulate and gaslighting onto me, thinking and doubting myself that I am just overthinking or dramatic partner. I express my feelings about asking for basic needs, and in the end, I end up apologizing and fixing his mood. It took me 3 months to realize that I was a victim of rehearsing every word to avoid his anger wasn't communication, it was a survival tactic against emotional abuse. I realize that I made 3 attempts to leave the abusive rs. But it's not easy to leave because abuse doesn't happen at first - it escalates, turning into a pattern, slow and subtle, and the good moments kept me trapped while my body is in a constant state of survival. So I stayed and stayed silent because I was terrified of how it would twist it, accuse me of things I didn't do, or project onto me if I left. What terrifies me and has traumatized me until now is that he broke up with me via text while I was in the hospital waiting for my psychiatrist because I was suffering from my anxiety. It hurts because he knows I'm there at the hospital. After all, I updated him before the day I went to the hospital. This event caused me PTSD and hypervigilance in my surroundings. Since it's been 4 months since the domestic abuse, speaking out, spreading awareness about abuse, journaling, and crying out loud are my ways to cope and heal. Although it's been 4 months since I got out of an abusive rs, I will always speak out and advocate to stop abuse from being normalized and minimized.

Three beautiful kids later, three houses later, and 10 years later, I finally had the courage to leave.

There are pieces of different stories that fit my situation. I’m a successful executive and I am so embarrassed that I ignored all the red flags and got myself into this mess. I feel so unworthy, a combination of childhood emotional neglect, sexual assault as a teenager, and a 25 year marriage full of emotional neglect and infidelity. I even feel unworthy of putting myself in the same category as the survivors on this page, like my story isn’t as valid. He is a sexual assault survivor himself; he was molested by an older female cousin when he was little. That was part of the attraction at first. I thought we understood each other’s pain and would help each other heal what still remained. At first the attention felt like caring, like someone finally gave a damn. The requests to text where I was at all times, wanting to track my location and share his, wanting to talk or FaceTime all night on the phone, even sleeping with the call still going, next to me, when we weren’t together. Now I know it was about control and a deep lack of trust. I have learned over time to never look around at a restaurant or I will be accused of staring at another man. I have unfriended most of my male friends on social media and I am afraid to post anything in case one of the remaining ones comments. He demands that I show him any communication from any man on social media. He wants to know my work meeting schedule and gets upset if I don’t text him back right away. One time, he was out of town and my phone wasn’t plugged in correctly so the battery died during the overnight FaceTime call. I panicked when I woke up and realized what had happened, and he was furious with me. He wanted to know if I had cheated between 4 am and 8 am when the phone was dead. And I haven’t asked him to leave yet. I don’t know why. We have almost broken up several times, and every time I believe him that it will be different. It won’t be different. I am exhausted and I don’t recognize myself anymore. I am too ashamed to tell my friends or family the extent of it, although they know things are off.