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I was sexually assaulted by two teenagers when I was 17 and extremely intoxicated. One of the rapists was my high school best friend's brother. This story is 35 years old but needs to be told in order for me to start healing. A repressed memory came flooding back 5 years ago, after finding a photo of a trip I took with her family, the place where this assault happened. I've silently tried to process it alone, but I can't keep quiet any longer. I hope sharing my story will help others come forward and start their healing process. It's never too late! I'm finding more and more friends who have similar stories and only by sharing my story had allowed them to share theirs. I feel like it's paying it forward a little.

It took 10 years of emotional, physical and financial abuse from a narcissistic man to realize that I stayed because it felt normal. My childhood wasn’t a healthy environment. So when I met my ex his avoidant and violent nature felt right. The gaslighting and love bombing were so common in my childhood home, I didn’t see the red flags when they popped up. Today I’m still struggling with imposter syndrome. How much of it was real affection? How much was more manipulation and lies? I wanted to share this, because sometimes I need to be validated that it all did happen, it wasn’t a fever dream. So I hope this helps someone out there. You’re not alone. What you’re feeling is valid. It’s scary and confusing at first, but it gets so much better. One day at a time. One small healthy decision at a time. It’s not gonna get better overnight, it will take a while. It’s been 1 year since we split, 2 months since the divorce. I’m taking my time to reset my nervous system and figure out who I am, without his narrative over me. You are loved.

Sexual Abuse in the Academe: Experiencing sexual abuse early in my life by teachers at school, one in primary school and the other in high school, made me think there would be no safe zone for sexual abuse. I became extremely vulnerable and imposed unbelievable restrictions on my relationships with others. Nevertheless, my most disgraceful institutional sexual abuse was on its way later in the academe. In my second year of the Ph.D. program in South Korea, Name Initials, a businessman and politician seeker, returned to college to pursue a master’s degree. He was in an intimate relationship with my adviser. Since my adviser and I were also close to each other, the three of us would go out for lunch or coffee together. Name Initials liked my intelligence and passion in my career and outspokenly pointed that out. Gradually, he brought his ambition and passion for life to my attention. About 20 years after graduation from college, he inevitably faced many challenges like a freshman-year student. Therefore, there were times when he asked me for academic assistance, particularly in writing an academic paper, collecting data in the library, and developing a theoretical framework for his study. One day, we were supposed to have dinner at a hotel restaurant a few days after my assistance in his writing assignment. On our way for dinner, however, he asked me if I wouldn’t mind going farther away to enjoy the quiet nature and good food. I accepted his offer, and he and I headed somewhere he only knew. It took us about an hour to get to the destination. It paid off, and we enjoyed the meal and conversation. On our way back to Seoul, he asked me if he could stop to smoke. He pulled over the car, rolled down the windows, and started smoking with my permission. He turned on the music without waiting for my reply, and we were quiet momentarily. Suddenly, I realized how much I had come along with so many ups and downs and how much I had longed to escape from the reality around me. He felt something was going on and touched my cheeks. He asked if I was crying. I did not reply. In just a few seconds, he put out the cigarette, rolled the windows, and turned off the light and music. That was the beginning of his sexual abuse of me. Since then, he has abused me for months on unavoidable occasions sexually. After Name Initials’s graduation, I received my doctoral degree in Date. My adviser asked me to visit Name Initials 2, a professor at a two-year college located on the outskirts of Seoul. Name Initials 2 welcomed me with warm greetings and a big smile and asked me to write the rest of his doctoral dissertation using the data and materials he would provide me. He promised to help me get a faculty position at his college in return for contributing to his dissertation. His first meeting ended in about thirty minutes, and he had me assigned to teach in his college. A few days later, Name Initials 2 corrected his previous words and convinced me he would finish his dissertation independently. He also promised to help me get a job at his college or from one of his close friends. He suggested shopping with me to buy a gift for me without any specific reason. I accepted his invitation, hoping to learn more about him and establish new academic contacts. During dinner, Name Initials 2 discussed position openings from his college and the detailed procedures from application to official employment. I applied for a position opening and became a promising candidate. One day, he suggested that I go out for dinner with him. After dinner, he offered me a ride home that evening when he forcefully attempted to kiss me, beginning Name Initials 2’s sexual abuse against me. Over the weekend, he would call me saying he wanted to discuss the follow-ups of the application. It was unclear that he would discuss what I needed to do in the hiring process. However, shortly after the frivolous gesture on my application status, he sexually abused me in any place. He also took me to a lodging area away from the big cities and took advantage of me sexually. My struggle to get my relationship with Name Initials 2 back on track was useless. At the end of that semester, it turned out that my application was unsuccessful. After a long struggle, I formed a non-profit, Non-Profit Name Link, in City, State, in 2014 to help other sexual abuse survivors with their journey to healing and empowerment.

I joined the army getting it drilled in my head and cursed at and belittled for months about INTEGRITY ARMY VALUES RESPECT all to just live with trauma and disappointment by leadership who failed me and soldiers who took advantage. From serving with two separate units, both were gut wrenching anytime I had to be present and oh did they make sure that I was. Joining the Army is my biggest disappointment and hardest anger from healing to overcome. Please pray for me.

My story is long and sad as most abusive relationship stories. I will start with a little background info. I was born to teenage parents (babies themselves) having babies. I was the middle child. My mother was 16 when she had me. My older sister was 1 year older which puts my mother at 15 with her birth. Well my parents got married and both parents worked hard and played hard. Babies raising babies. My father went to work and never missed a day of work. You could say the same for my mother. Well I was raised in one town with one home and we did have a family setting in a beautiful coastal town. You could say it didn't prepare me for the real world which is filled with so much darkness. I had alot of difficulties with my older sister who played alot of games with me while growing up. She was to pick me up from work as we shared the only car as teenagers and she would make me walk home from work in the dark alot. I got engaged early into going to college and married my first husband at 20. No I wasn't pregnant. I was head over in love with what I thought was everything to me. He was handsome and smart. Unfortunately when your husband is good looking other women notice too. In this case it was the older sister who I never got along with. This time it turned out very traumatic because in a small town with everyone knowing your business this older sister had a five year affair with my husband and even came up pregnant with his child while married herself at the time. This husband told me he married the wrong sister. I was in alot of emotional pain with this huge family drama which my mother who was Catholic wanted noone to know our family secret. My sister was having my husband's child and they had a 5 year affair. I was heartbroken, made to be silenced given this was my sister, and this was the beginning of me shutting down and taking the abuse. So you could say I was taking emotional abuse at this point. Abandonment soon came from my parents because I divorced that husband which my parents didn't want to happen for fear I would tell our deep dark family secret. Oh did I mention we were living in a small town and drinking was big in my family. Without getting counseling for this emotional time and traumatic event I moved away from my less than supportive family and found my second mistake. How could I top my sister having my husband's child but I did. I dated alittle and then a man at work asked me out. I was numb and not looking for any relationship. This man drank and that was familiar to my family settings. But I didn't know he had a dark side very dark past. I started dating him steady and within a year I was engaged again. I thought he was going to be everything I wanted and needed. Love, a happy home, beautiful family with children and trust! I got engaged in Date in Oct we were married. The following March we had twin girls. Well in Date 2 we went to Location and everything with my second husband was always a plan because he lived a double life one I didn't unpeel until the 25th year of being married. This marriage was filled with physical, emotional and verbal abuse. I told you I topped the first disaster. My second husband liked the fact I had no family around and that would allow him to live his double life he had. One using me as a cover wife with cover kids and the second which is revealed when we moved to State as a gang member trafficking drugs and women. I know unbelievable. I never knew I was married to a gang member but in Date we went to Location and that was my first meeting you could say with his double life as he would use me as he met with his drug connections. I had no idea. In State I caught him with Nationalityoften which turned out to be Cartel. I couldn't believe it but then I caught him drug trafficking and then I caught the women which he was trafficking as well. This double life comes with alot of dangers you see they drug the girls and this I also experienced. As I was unpeeling this whole side to a man I obviously didn't know he would beat me up as I was started to go to the proper authorities for help. I even told the local police my husband was trafficking drugs with Nationalityand I was scared. I was calling so many times for help. The authorities are not well trained with Domestic Violence, because when they called back on my same cell phone all that did was put me in more danger and I couldn't speak up for help because he was sitting 5 feet from me at the time. I was beat up for going to the police. He knew my every move and I was sure I was going to die. He said he would burn the house down. As he was trafficking girls underage at local High Schools he felt no fear. He said he had power and could do what ever he wanted. Bragging it was the oldest profession. You see these traffickers/pimps don't fear the outdated laws or even the police. They are making billions with this now. The FBI told me it's a huge problem and they can't stop it frm growing. The women, girls and young kids involved in this aren't going to take the stand against the gangs and cartel. That's crazy then comes the actually threats I endured after the beatings. I was being poisoned by my own husband which I could feel right away as I started to vomit and my cancer doctor said I had leukemia. I was given cancer as my spouse was bragging he could do. He said some people get cancer some are given cancer. These gang members have chemicals and toxins that are unthinkable. Now living in paradise I was running down the street for help after being choked out and noone would help. Why would they get involved too dangerous. I called 13 times for the police. The more trafficking I witnessed and pieced together the more my danger to myself increased. Now he said of I didn't leave then he could traffic me. His exact words were I was sitting on a million dollars. You see these pimps/ traffickers only look at women and girls average age is 12 as money. SO many are doing it in State it's crazy. I watched cars - ubers driving young girls around the neighborhood stopping and dropping girls off for the sex buyers either at their private residence or in a private residence used as a brothel. Oh yeah a year earlier I was going to the cancer doctor from work running home and changing my clothes before the appointment to see my bed remade and shower wet midday. I thought it was for an affair. He was having an affair which is why he was poisoning me but he was using our own home as a private residence brothel. Big business. Millions made for all involved. The woman coming out of my home spoke no english and she said she was a realtor and had shown my house that day. I caught her coming out of my own home. I thought she was the mistress. She was a sex worker meeting the John at my house using my bed. I told you it was worse much worse. But abuse is never good no matter what degree it is. I was so broken I moved from State to State with this same husband thinking I was saving my marriage from that affair. Not until State did I learn that wasn't an affair but a huge trafficking multistate Jeffrey Epstein situation and now my life was in real danger because I was piecing human trafficking, sex trafficking and drug trafficking together. I didn't know the correct words for all this until I found myself getting into my first safehouse. Yes my first one. One of five! I was saved by myself because my own husband started to pimp me after drugging me and I was feeling so sick everyday. I went to the doctors and told my new doctor my spouse was hurting me and I didn't know why except he had a girlfriend. I saw my husband driving a brand new car past our house within a month of us moving to State. No withdrawal from our joint checking. How did he buy the car? I started intense detective work. I found the 12 girls names encrypted on his cell phone, saw the addresses he was sending them too, saw ads for Plenty of fish, FB, Craigslist and such. Still I didn't understand this all. Trafficking ?? Why would a man in his 60's which is what my husband was have so much to do with 12 girls. OMG not until 6 months later when I was saved with a safehouse in State, SPARCC did I really understand what was happening all around me. The Cartel threats to my car and children. The gang retaliation to my 4 cars, 5 safehouses and 8 cell phones. So anyone who says sex trafficking is no big deal a harmless profession didn't know my story because for that volume of money they will kill you making it look like an accident. I've had more vandalism to my car which goes undocumented by the police. You know there were years of abuse to the young girls for Jeffrey Epstein getting away with it. I called 13 times for help. I was beat up. Choked out which I was told in State was a felony 10 years. Restraining Order denied in State. I detailed the trafficking in State and Sate and left to survive this horrific story which I couldn't believe I wasn't protected more. The take away from this is that powerful men are sex trafficking and human trafficking all across America without any legal problems. Just as my husband bragged he had power and could do what he wanted. I overheard my husband telling strange men in State what I looked like naked and my bedroom habits. Horrified I called him into the house which we just purchased together for our third Chapter! I asked him what was he doing ? He said my cancer was in my brain now and I didn't hear him right . Gaslighting! So cleaver I started to second guess everything I was seeing and hearing. My leukemia was in my blood and not in my brain. I started to record my own home and such because I needed to know I wasn't loosing my mind. He told me I was but I didn't think I was. Then I heard tapes with his voice - why isn't she dead yet ? I know Name but she isn't- I did do that. OMG his girlfriend was now down here in State and they wanted me dead. OMG I wasn't saving my married I was being eliminated. Oh my how does he have all these other assets. I was an profession so I needed to know how he aquirred the new car- Red Cadillac with his Girlfriend on his lap. State Plates License Plate Number FL. Well that was the beginning of unpeeling a huge trafficking gang situation which started in City, State 1, then too City, State 2, then down to City, State 3. OMG I saw the shell companied encrypted on my husband's cell phone. Then I saw the addresses and names of the sex workers. I already witnessed the worker coming out of my own home back in State. Then I was whirling with OMG momemts. Piecing together so much. My husband had 3 boats all which he had unexplained situations happening. OMG then I remembered he cut the deck of the boat which on TV said was for drug mule smugling activity. OMG. I was seeing it too in State as I followed my husband without his knowing. As I explained I thought I was trying to unpeel an affair but now it was worse so much. I was vomiting again in State like State and I knew at this point it was from my bath products which were moved within the shower area letting me know someone was harming me. Why did my husband move me toState along with his GF ? Why not just divorce me in State ? OMG I was to be dead by now. The Leukemia I have isn't by chance and I could see the girl fiend he had. SO my detective mode increased and now I knew he was a drug mule for Cartel but the young girls I saw him with at a local high school that I didn't know what it was. Not until the sex workers at the first safehouse told me what I was married too ! OMG I was seeing it right! I was right! I called for help told the police I needed help and noone really did anything. I was seeing srug, sex and human trafficking. Why didn't I piece this sooner I asked myself. So I looked hard at all the State activity there it was. My husband was leaving work on half days and trafficking women and drugs in City, State 2 and City, State 4. I turned on the family locator and saw the City, State 4 activity. OMG. I was right with the degree of danger and how could my restraining order be denied I told the courts how he was harming me! I saw my husband meeting teachers who aere part of the underground network offering up kids from their school. Big money big business in State. You know I told 5 detectives up and down the East Coast as I ran and tried to hide from the Cartel and Gang who were chasing me in Various States. I needed help real help. I was run off the road. Vandalism to 4 cars. 2 flat tires in two months. 8 Cell phones compromised. Forced from my only home I owned leaving me homeless to sleep in my car. After 2 college degrees and seeing trafficking up close I was left to hide and sleep in Walmart parking lots just to survive. Five years of torture as these gang members continue to make billions from wealthy sex buyers. Men in communities hiding in plain site. Teachers, Lawyers, Judges, Doctors, Businessmen, Politicians, and yes even men in authority positions like policemen. I witnessed a policeman as a John in my own home in State. They came hard after me all, Cartel, Gangs, and Sex buyers. Judge in State, County Name denied my RO. WTH. I thought no I prayed to die. Please GOD take me now. I went to college to tell the twins what I was trying to live with in State and survive it. They didn't believe me, why should they I couldn't believe it was real and as big as it was. The underage girls I caught living in my boat in State were about 16 years old. Average age in State is 12. I went into a safe house my first one and the sex workers who were there taking refuge from an angry pimp/trafficker told me all about my husband. These women told me because they were sick of me talking about his Girlfriend. They researched his name with their connections and came back to the safehouse and we went for a ride to a park to discuss what was happening. They said I was clueless married to a dangerous man who was a gang member, Big Fish - trafficking drugs and women. OMG. I knew as sad as that was it was true because I was seeing that too. I was piecing it together with the same results. OMG. Now what I asked. They said I would be dead soon. Trafficking is so big in State it's everywhere. I went into a safehouse but soon they came for my adult children just as the sex workers warned me was going to happen. I left by their advise and went back to the worst human being on the planet. The man I married who was living a double life as a horrific trafficker selling women and girls. OMG then came all the memories of the unanswered events thru out the marriage. We went to Location and my husband went to the box seats, now I see why he supplied the girls and such. OMG. He made millions just as he bragged he would in 1997 but I thought he was drunk again. That's why I was seeing cars, houses and so much near my husband around him etc. Wow how this crime isn't stopped it beyond me. Big Business and many many involved. Fake Realtors using houses as brothels too, House cleaning service in State which isn't really house cleaning but brothel service. All around my husband was his gang team. No cell usuage and they lived near each other. Clever. Very Organized. Well I tell my story so everyone understands human and sex trafficking isn't done by nice men just having sex. They will kill for this greed. 150 Billion. Human Trafficking should be on everyone's mind to stop because it leads to poisoning, drugging, raping, trafficking, murder, unexplained accidents to your car. Like the day I was to have the wrong size brakes put on my car but they were in the right size box! Yes I know crazy story but it's true and every person in America should be very upset about just sex which isn't what this is! It's selling people and slavery which after a short time these victims can't get out of the life. It's a one way road. The need for public awareness with trafficking is needed now because it's as bad as the television shows it to be and worse. My husband now my ex got the house in State and really he got the millions too because he's not in jail. These pimps/traffickers don't go to jail. The laws need reform and the men writing the laws are the ones involved or know of a buddy who's involved. As my ex husband bragged man cannot govern man. He made millions as he said he would and never went to jail. Big Fish from City, State ....WOW. Many more details I discovered with this huge multistate operation.

I got out of an abusive relationship. It wasn’t till I left there was physical abuse and emotional abuse. Even if the physical was minimal. I’m so glad to be apart of a group of women who are healing. Healing is hard, it’s been countless sleepless nights, extra periods, and nightmares over and over. But the reward of being free is so much better than anything I could’ve imagined. I don’t wish to ever be back in that, and am glad I left every day

I was in a five year relationship with my daughters father he would beat me senseless choke me leave me with black eyes I got pregnant he would still hurt me once I had my daughter in year I left him I never got help or support from anyone because I kept quiet all this time I was scared or I thought no one was gonna believe me but now I’m happy I remarried had three beautiful daughters with my husband and I opened up to him and he supports me in everything he’s my rock I thank God that gave me strength to leave him

I was just 10 years old when a family member decided it was okay to play "doctors and nurses with me" it was then when he started to sexually abuse me. I was so oblivious to what was going on, I didn't realise how wrong it was until I grew older, I thought it was normal as he was doing it to his sister too. I was told not to say anything it was a secret between us 3. I blocked it out of my memory until I left school, well I believed a blocked it out, but looking back now I think that is why my behaviour was so defiant. I was just always told I had ADHD/Autism was why I was naughty, but looking back now I think its because I still had to see his face. I eventually disclosed what happened to me once I had left school to a friend, someone I trusted. I needed to tell someone and that's when I really realised how wrong it was and it really hit me. It's surprising how something you push to the back of your mind and block out can really affect you psychologically still. I have 0 confidence and still don't know, I feel worthless, like a failure and I never feel good about myself, I really struggle too. When I disclosed my abuse to someone, it all went so fast, they helped me tell my parents and then my mum helped me reach out to the police. The local police in my area let me down, I realise I had no evidence, because it happened when I was 10 many times, but I still recall what happened, I was brought to a safe house where I had my interview, I felt violated all over again. the questions they asked me, it brought everything back. It didn't even make it to court the police came to the conclusion that it was "JUST A GAME BETWEEN TWO KIDS" they believe there was no maliciousness behind it - A Game - These words have stay with me since then and I can never shake them off, it was not just a game he knew what he was doing, he understood and had full capacity of what he was doing to me. He didn't even make it onto the register, even though he was doing it to his sister as well. The worst part is going though it at such a young age, then having the courage to speak out and then not being believed and told it was a game really affects me to this day, even though I don't like to show it does, I'm very much a girl who makes jokes and smiles all the time to get past the trauma, even having dark humour to cover up the hurt I feel inside, I have always let this abuse, being SA'd affect me. I can't have Sex with men, I feel broken and damaged, I want to be able to have fun but every time I go to have fun I close up and I physically struggle to have sex with men, and when I do have sex with them I do it to make them happy because I feel so bad about letting t hem down and failing as a partner. Maybe I haven't moved past my trauma as much I think I have. I think I still have a lot of healing to go. I recently encountered something at work, which again I was let down people that I thought would help me, I feel so hurt and so Alone. A couple months ago I was working in my local hospital It was my favourite job, I was helping people through chemo and there cancer treatment, I was, as many of my patients called me 'Their little ray of sunshine on a gloomy day' ☀️. I was working on a night shift and was approached by an agency worker who start talking to me, and me being me was nice to him and talking away, like I do with everyone I am a very friendly person and he took my being nice as a invitation to try it on with me, which I said no thank you. and he continued to touch me, and at one point got his man hood out which again I said 'No' he grabbed my hand to touch it, which I continued to say no, he told me keep to down, stay silent and feel what I was doing to him, I tried pulling my hand away. I went numb and started to just shut down. Luckily saved by the bell, someone was needing assistant and we were the only two working so he went and answered the bell and told me he will come back later, at the time I was heading on my break too sleep in the staff room, I was terrified to sleep, even though I locked the door so he couldn't get in I was so upset about what just happened, he said he would follow me home. I told the nurse in charge what had happened and he was moved to another ward in the hospital. They told me in order to do anything I need to write a statement and they could involve the police but I would have to go to court, do a statement, re live what happened, face him, which at the time I was just to traumatised to do because I wasn't believed last time anything happened and I couldn't face him, he was banned from the hospital and was not allowed to work in healthcare establishment after that, he then disappeared no one knew where he went or where he was. I took a few days off work for 'Mental health' as I got 'triggered' (I word I don't like to use) and I got penalised because of it. I have recently lost my job and I tried to fight my corner and had a tribunal due to me being off for sickness, the head of nursing turned around to me in the tribunal and told me 'Being off sick for the 'alleged sexual assault was not a good enough reason'. Again making me feel absolute shit as if she didn't believe me and my reason for being off which I only took a few days off to just try and sort my head out and find my worth made me feel like my reason was not validated and even if I was to take anything further regarding the SA in the hospital, they would not of supported to me anyways. Every day I am constantly having a battle in my head about being good enough. I get scared and also feel like I shouldn't share my story because what happened to me isn't half as bad as what some people have gone through. Did I lead them on? If only I wasn't too scared to speak up? Did I flirt with him or make him want me? questions I ask myself daily... I know I was only 10 but when people who are meant to be people you can trust and have authority tell you its a game, it does make me question still now to this day was it a game, a game that hurt me, and made me feel very uncomfortable and a game I didn't like, but still just a game between two. Law and Order and Olivia Benson (Mariska Hargitay) has saved my life, oddly it is my comfort show and helps me through some dark times and helped me understand and also know that it is wrong what happened to me. I also learnt its okay to share your story and it is always good to speak out about it, don't feel you're a burden or you're worthless, you are never alone there Is always someone out there that will be there for you. I am on a journey like everyone else that has suffered and been through some dark times and I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I am not alone, I think sharing my story will really help me feel less alone, I hope more people are able to speak up even if it is just through this. You are not Alone <3 sorry for such a long post

For almost 20 years, I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. When we met, I had recently escaped from an abusive relationship. I was extremely vulnerable, and he took advantage of this with love bombing, grooming, and gaslighting. After severe (suicidal) postpartum depression and the birth of my son, I decided to file for divorce; I didn't want my son to believe that this toxic relationship was normal. When I filed for divorce, my then-husband became extremely violent to ‘change my mind’ and used me as a punching bag. I called the police, and now he has a record for his stupidity.

Many times I've wondered how to begin narrating my story, whether I should start from the beginning or when "love had arrived." I could start by saying that I fell in love with the person I thought was my best friend. Wow, it’s supposed that when there’s a friendship of that magnitude, love should be great. Time passed, and years later, that friendship turned into a relationship, which, for my heart, was one of the most beautiful things that had ever happened to me. I flew 1,295 miles from my country to the United States for him, believing that finally, my true love story would become a reality. I knew he had a strong character and was a bit egocentric, something that bothered me, but I always tried to ignore those thoughts with the "sweet gestures" he could have with me. In the third year of our relationship, after discovering an online affair (they were only chatting because they were in different countries), he proposed to me. Shortly after we got married, we bought our first house together. Wow, if we weighed it all out, there were many wonderful moments that turned into sad endings because, according to him, I didn’t do something right, and many times I would repeat to myself, “I need to be better for myself and for him,” but for him, I was never good enough. Little by little, I started to fade. His words and actions took me to the darkest places—depression and anxiety. From there, it got even darker: a fight in the bathroom where he was the only one talking, and I had long ago decided to remain silent to avoid making the problem worse. I remember that night we were sitting on the bathroom floor arguing, and when it ended, we decided to leave the bathroom. I was walking behind him, continuing the argument, and that’s when he decided to push me, making me fall back several feet. I had never felt so vulnerable in my life. Among the physical pain I felt in my body, the pain in my soul was even stronger. He apologized and insisted that he thought I was coming after him to hit him. I insisted that I would be incapable of doing something like that, but once again, I was blamed. Shortly after, the problems in the relationship intensified, and there was more crying than laughing. I blamed the depression, but deep down, I knew it was everything that was happening there. I decided to seek professional help and started working with a psychiatrist. For more than a year, I was in therapy and on medication, and that’s when my awakening began. I’ll never forget the day my therapist said to me, "I want you to do an exercise that I know I shouldn’t ask of you." I forgot to mention that I earned my psychology degree in my home country. She continued, “We’re going to make a diagnosis, but it’s not for you. If I’m right, our therapy is going to change drastically because you’ll have only two options: divorce or couples therapy.” Although she didn’t say it, she was leaning more towards divorce. Her request was, "Let’s diagnose, based on observation, whether your husband is a narcissist. You’ve given me many examples that are raising red flags for me." She managed to get an interview with him, and in the end, we reached the diagnosis: I was married to a narcissist. I had been too ashamed to tell her that a week earlier, I was not only a victim of his physical aggression when he pushed me, but he had also pulled my hair. I had never felt so ashamed of myself until I had to talk about it with my therapist. Her only words were, “Run from there; there’s no turning back.” How grateful I am to her for those words. Today, almost a year after our legal divorce, although this path hasn’t been easy, I feel that I’ve become a much more resilient woman. No matter how difficult the situation is, no matter how much pain you may feel, love doesn’t have to be the excuse to push your limits. I knew for a long time that I needed to leave, and it’s not easy. Finding that strength is not easy, but today I can say that when your love for yourself grows every day, it’s that love that helps you move forward. Losing everything and losing myself to find myself has been the most beautiful experience life has given me. NO MORE. Only you have the power to break the cycle.

Women CANNOT physically harm men to anywhere NEAR the same severity tht men can women. Full stop. Before I experienced abuse, I nvr used to be afraid of men. I used to think I could reasonably defend myself against all but the biggest, most muscular guys, tht I'd be able to put up a good fight if ever necessary. Turns out, I had no fucking idea what I was talking about. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW EASILY HE CAN KILL YOU, SIS. Or cause a traumatic brain injury or rupture ur spleen or break out ur teeth or... You cannot imagine how quickly & effortlessly he can permanently. change. your. life. Do NOT fuck around, sis. RUN. Get. Out. NOW. .... countless women before you miscalculated their risk & many paid with their lives. Please PLEASE act with the urgency tht your LIFE deserves. I love you.

After seeing 'It Ends With Us', I felt I wanted to share my story. I saw this movie alone for the first watch, brought my Atlas to the second, and my bestfriend to the third. Watching it left me feeling empowered to anonymously share my story of abuse and violence. The film and the book brought back so many raw emotions, ones that I still struggle with today. My story started when I was 16 years old and I was with my first 'love', everything was OK in the beginning - but suddenly everything changed. I was constantly told how worthless I was, I got pushed down his stairs - but I wouldn't leave - and I didn't know why. He was controlling and did not like other people talking to me, going to extreme lengths to stop this from happening, and making sure my friends did not see me - people who he saw as a threat. I ended up in the hospital because of him, where he broke my hand. He got that mad at me once, we were in his car and just before I could shut the door and put on my seat belt, he started driving recklessly to scare me. What scared me more was when I was sleeping and I felt his hands around my throat - with no explanation. There were many times that I would say stop and he would carry on because he told me he was in control. I had cigarettes put out on me -multiple times, and was told that I was disgusting and looked like a sl*t, even telling me I was 'fat' - which led to further health issues. When I ended up with a bruise, my friend who is now my Atlas noticed - we worked together. I confined in him, and he was the first person to properly listen to me, and let me share my experiences. Throughout all this, it brought me overwhelming anxiety and depression and even the lengths of having to have therapy because to me it was a nightmare even when it was over, and reported multiple times. My parents never understood, asking me why I didn't just leave, telling me I must've wanted it to carry on. I didn't. I'm nearly 10 years later now, with my Atlas of 5 years, feeling happier and in a better place physically and mentally - I'm still healing. This movie brought me to tears and I related so much to Lily Bloom - some of it felt like my experiences - but the film also brought me a type of feeling of freedom and happiness. Thank you for letting me share my story. ❤️

...during the holidays, my mum would take me up-country to stay with my grandma. My grandma lived with my two older cousins(let's name them: T and K) who stayed there after their mum passed away years back. Near my grandmothers house was another homestead, which was also our relatives. I had older cousins from that side too, but only two were living there coz the others were working in urban cities in our country. I remember every evening, T and K would normally go fetch water by the river and they couldn't leave me behind coz i was young, and their responsibility and mostly my grandma had gone to the market...they took this opportunity to assault me, i remember i always refused and told them God would be mad coz deep down i felt it was wrong, but they brainwashed me, telling me God is pleased and that it's not wrong. They occasionally did it, even when we were in the house, they touched my private parts, forced me to touch theirs and do all sorts of disgusting things. When my grandma travelled and could not come over night, One would undress me and order me to lay with him...From the other homestead(let's name him: C),he was a drug addict, he normally called for me and when i persisted he came for me, he lured me with candy which was my favourite...When the holiday came to an end. i tried telling my mum that i didn't wanna go back to my grandma but she never understood and i feared telling her. From the first incident, i felt shame and helpless...i tried getting rid of the situation but it was always after me, I was too young...6 to 10 years old. The older i got the more i understood all that was going on...but i've been forever stuck, i have social stigma and hate men(slightly fear), i try to console myself and forget all that occurred but with defeat. I'm always ok until i remember and my world crumbles. I don't know how to heal or overcome but just act like it didn't happen coz after all what would they do after the know what happened??It's easy for me to overcome all things apart from this, and i don't know why...or it's because i still get to see them every time despite (eventually) the assault come to an end ?? I've really never spoken about it, this my first time and it's a way of healing...hopefully i do, by reading the other stories on this page

Last year, a very close friend realized they were in an abusive relationship -- something I had known for a long time. While it was mostly verbal and psychological abuse, it did get physical at the end. That was the catalyst my friend needed -- especially because they were holding their young child at the time (the abuser is not the child's biological parent). Having been in and around this space for a long time, I can tell you firsthand, it is very difficult to stand by and watch someone get hurt time after time. It is also difficult to let them make their own decisions once they get out of the relationship -- decisions which may be counter to what YOU want them to do. But this last piece is really important. It is critical to allow someone who has spent in this case several years without agency, to take it back and make their own decisions.

as a child I went through abuse physical and sexual, the same for my mom. It didn’t even with her, me and my brothers saw the pain and trauma she endured as well as us until she left. When I was a child I promised I’d never fall for a man like my father and ex step father until I did, I ended up not keep that promise and stayed I finally realized why my mom never left his empty promises felt like home, he was what I thought I needed..but I did leave, and now I have two beautiful babies who will never experience that generational trauma or pain because “it ended with me”

I was 17, he was 26. It was my first boyfriend and I was head over heels excited that I had my first boyfriend and that he was older. First year felt normal and I felt so happy. After I turned 18 there was a big shift. The following years were filled with coercion, manipulation and grooming. He hurt me for the first time while my friend was sleeping next to us at a house party. I had to stay silent while I was wincing in pain. When we got back home that night he hit even worse and it hurt to walk the next day. He cried and said it was my fault and said I made him do that. Manipulation continued, coercion got worse with threats like not letting me back into his apartment till I gave him what he wanted, another time he punched me in the arm out of anger and gaslighted me into thinking he never punched me after a bruise was visible. 4 years into the relationship, I always say to myself now it’s like a lightbulb turned on in my brain and told me this isn’t right I need to leave, I could have a better life than this. So I did, I opened up to those around me and found support in them. It was hard, I still had emotions to let go of and he tried so hard to keep me around by being extra sweet with me, but to this day I am so happy I didn’t fall for it again. Memories of him still haunt me, but I remember I am free now. People always ask DV survivors “well why didn’t you just leave?” It’s more than that. Once you’re in that cycle of abuse it’s hard to get out of. I pray to everyone experiencing this one day too has a lightbulb turn on in their head. I see you, i hear you and i wish you all the freedom

I grew up with an alcoholic, violent father and a mother who, to this day, can’t even remember most of the things he did. Eventually, my brother turned into an even worse version and was also abusive towards me, he even beat my ex boyfriend and was extremely jealous and overprotective of me when it came to guys who would try to approach me, I started feeling that having a boyfriend and falling in love was a “bad thing”. Eventually I started a relationship with a guy who lived in a different country, he seemed perfect but my mom was for some reason concerned. I ended up moving to his country and we got married, after we got married his behavior changed completely. I felt like I was basically living under his roof and like he was living like a single guy. He was doing drugs behind my back, he was cheating a verbally abusive. I would try to confront him about the things he was doing and he made me feel like I was the crazy person, he would also call my parents and sister to tell them I was very immature. He knew I would never tell them everything he was doing to me, and I felt like I didnt have anybody to talk to about what was really happening. One day he forced me on the floor, I can literally still fell the texture of the carpet against my chin. He would travel a lot, so one day I just packed my bags and left him. He eventually filed for divorce and I was served on valentine’s day at work in front of my team. It took me a week to read the papers, for some reason I just couldn’t. The papers stated I made him marry me because I wanted the residency and he was also trying to take my dog from me, my dog is my biggest support and he obviously knew that. It took years for the divorce to finalize. Everything started back in 2018, I still struggle. I haven’t been able to start a new relationship and I am sabotaging myself with everything, including my professional life and that was the one thing I was really great at. For the first time I realize that I need to find my support system, that there is hope. I don’t when I’m going to stop blaming myself and punishing myself for my decisions, but I am eager to do the work to get there. To start putting myself first. I have Justin Baldoni to thank for. Thank you for spreading awareness. Thank you for being brave enough to share your stories. We are all worthy of a healthy love.

Hello, my name isNamethank you so very much for the opportunity to speak my truth. I got into my first abusive relationship when I was 17. The abuse started when he used jealousy as a way to control me. we had a daughter together and shortly after became pregnant again. One day when I was with a friend, we rean into some of his rivals and he got so mad he beat me kicking me and punching me. the next morning, I had started bleeding really bad and had miscarried. A lot of the time we were together he was locked up and released and locked ack up. One day he had punched me so hard in the stomach and chest area that he knocked out all my air and I couldn't speak but I was barking almost like a dog. my daughter and I were thrown out and lived different places even at one time under a tree. Another time while I was driving, and he sat in the passenger seat he punched me on the side of my head my head hit the window, and I crashed the car it hurt for like a year. After five and a half years of this and after he sexually assaulted me. I ended the relationship. His mother tried to get me to come back so did his dad, but I told her no. Time went by I stayed to myself and my little girl we had a 1-bedroom apartment and without any real support around and little money for food and no car I had to speak to some of the neighbors. that's when I met my second abuser and the father of my youngest daughter and without really knowing what I did wrong in the first relationship I found myself in another, he had a job he was attentive he was kind to every one of the neighbors and even though I didn't want to be in a relationship here I was and. his family really liked me too so that felt good. my daughter was happy, and we had food and felt safe at night until we didn't things changed when I found out he was cheating, and I went to his mom's house to break up with him that's when he went for the knives in the kitchen his mom and dad had been woken up by my daughter who at 4 years old went running and screaming. his parents were able to stop him, and he left after a physical altercation with his dad. So that moment I knew leaving was a bad idea because it could get me killed. the abuse continued throughout the pregnancy and more times than I can remember but it was even worse than the first. long story short I finally left after years of abuse, and he came to kill me one morning put the screwdriver to my chest and told me that he was sorry but that he has to kill me because he can't live without me. I used my knowledge of how he thought and used it to convince him that I understood why he had to kill me and that it's okay I understand I just asked two things one he doesn't let the girls see and two that he doesn't do it with a screwdriver. because that is meant for someone he hates and he loves me so if he loves me, he won't use it. this confused him he cried fell into my arms and I calmed him down and sent him back to his wife whom he had only married two weeks prior to this. He stalked me for years, but I had come to the mindset of I would rather be dead by him then continue to live tis way with him and told him those words. eventually he was locked up and more. I have spent the last 20 plus years advocating for women, men, and all youth and will continue to do so as a domestic violence advocate. if you are reading this you are more powerful than you know, and people care about you and its more than okay to ask for help silence empowers the abuser and does nothing for you. Love you, learn to enjoy your own company, and get out when it is safe to do so. When you are ready. Someone will help you never give up on you. you did nothing to deserve the abuse. it's not your fault. and as I always say in interviews and in my book, I'm working on Book Title Always Name

I am trying to leave this DV relationship, but it's complicated. He lives with me; he uses my phone and car because he doesn't have neither. I don't want to get the police involved nor do I want to kick him out, 1. he will just be outside my apartment unit and 2. defamation of my character - for some reason everyone believes him and don't see any wrong by him but he sure can make someone look terrible. He is leeching on me. I feel like I'm being suffocated by a hurt boy who have been wounded and traumatized all his life and he is using me as an energy bank to cure his wounds and to cater to his needs. I currently have a cold and he hasn't taken care of me or even asked how I am doing. From the many times I haven't felt well, he would argue with me. I feel so alone and feel like I can't make any plans until he can get a phone and car. Friends say call the police, but I really don't want to, I don't want him to destroy my reputation. My therapist said that if my reputation is the only reason I am putting up with him then I shouldn't worry about my reputation. I understand where my friends and therapist are coming from, but I really don't want that to happen to me, I have seen what he did to his baby mother and it just been a shit show. Am I wrong to want a calm and safest way out?

I just fled from domestic violence 3 months ago & still struggling to move forward. I forgave him so much & often blamed myself for all the physical abuse I endured. I always had an excuse for him, even felt like I deserved it at times. It went from punching the wall above my head to full on punching me in the face in a matter of weeks. He moved me 24 hours away from my family where things just became worse. He ended up pistol whipping me and putting his gun to my head telling me he’d kill me multiple different times, put knives to my chest & overall just beat the shit out of me. I was so scared I thought I’d be safer staying with him. Thankfully someone witnessed him dragging me in the house by my hair & called the police and he was arrested. I originally was panicking & figuring out how to get him out. But the day after he arrested everything in me told me to pack up as much as I could of my son & I’s things and GO. Crisis funded my gas/food back across the country. I left terrified, hurt & not knowing where my son and I would live. I went to a domestic violence shelter & eventually got my own place again. He was sentenced to only 1 year in jail (3 felonies were dropped he was facing 30 years) & I’ve been in a constant battle between feeling bad and missing him & knowing I deserve more and so does my son. Breaking the cycle has been so mentally draining but I can’t wait to see what life holds for me in the future as hard and unknown as it might be.