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I married someone who was safer than my home life, but not safe overall. It wasn’t until some maturing kicked in until I realize I was with another abuser. I married a habitual boundary crosser, then I had a baby with my rapist, then I stayed after rape 2, then I stayed after bruise 1. These are all the same person. I wish I made myself safe before seeking safety in someone else. I wish I waited for my brain to set at 25-ish. I wish I didn’t let him convince me that rape 1 was a misunderstanding. I wish I wasn’t financially trapped. I wish the world payed woman to raise their own children versus paying women a different job to pay someone else to do so. I wish men would take the time to get to know and love women, the way we deserve to be loved, instead they trick, abuse, and mock us. I wish I could put in jail, but I cannot be responsible for putting my sons father in jail. He doesn’t deserve to be that kid because I was too ignorant. But most of all, I wish he was the person he convinced me he was, because I’d be happy, my cup would be filled, I wouldn’t be drained, I would be content, I wouldn’t be in survival mode, we’d get to stay a family. As for now, all I have is playing house until my exist plan is ready. Thank you for reading.

As I was saying I am happy where I am now I don't know where my abuser is Initial as I called him The abuse was horrible I really didn't know where to turn who I could tell bc if I call the pd he threatened to hit himself to make it look like I was the abuser That meant if he went to jail so did I I was afraid of his friends especially the female friends they hated me I didn't drink or do drugs so I was boring I was even more afraid of his brothers they were more aggressive than Initial was ...my kids (not his ) hated him the feeling was mutual...I just hated his guts I was trapped in a relationship I didn't want to be in He stole from me and when I went on unemployment he took that too I was his slave at everything when I didn't want to be intimate he'd accuse me of cheating I went to women's shelter and he found me I was followed by the time I was ready to leave I found myself wanting him to just end my life he threatened to every day and I would challenge him but he didn't do it bc he was a pussy

I’m 56 years old and have spent most of my life trying to understand what happened to me growing up — not just what was done, but what was allowed. My mother didn’t hit me. Her weapons were colder: control, shame, silent punishments, and subtle emotional games that left no visible marks. She taught me love was conditional. If I pleased her, I got slivers of approval. If I spoke out, I was punished or exiled. Even joy was rationed — too much of it and she’d find a way to ruin it. Her moods ruled the house. Everyone learned to tiptoe. She told others she was doing her best. She played the victim so well — struggling mom, too burdened to care. But at home, it was all about control. She’d withhold affection, twist your words, cry on command, and convince you that you were the problem. I internalized all of it. I grew up believing I was unworthy, difficult, broken. Worse, she brought a man into our lives who raped me. I now know she saw things. I remember moments — things she would have had to notice, hear, sense. But she chose silence. Whether out of denial or protection for herself, she turned away. That betrayal has been harder to heal than the abuse itself. Because the person who was supposed to protect me not only failed to — she facilitated the harm. When I became a mother myself, I tried to do better — to break the cycle — but the damage was already seeded. It affected how I parented, how I loved, how I trusted. It fractured parts of me that I’m still putting back together. Even now, my mother continues to manipulate and control. She paints herself as a caretaker, but she makes dangerous decisions. She isolates her dying partner from his loved ones and undermines his medical needs. She is still trying to rewrite the story. Still trying to erase mine. But I won’t let her. I’m writing this because I need it spoken somewhere outside of me. I need to reclaim the truth: I was there. I didn’t imagine it. And it wasn’t my fault. To anyone reading who is still doubting their memory or blaming themselves — I see you. You’re not crazy. You’re not alone. And what happened to you mattered. I survived her. I am still here. And I am no longer silent.

Hello Reader, We are a 5 month survivors of domestic violence. When I say "we" I am speaking for myself and my 3 year old daughter. On date, I met the hardest day of my life. I was assaulted by my ex boyfriend ( my daughters father ) , he punched me three times in my face knocking me unconscious while I was holding my 3 year old daughter in the front seat of his car without a carseat . When I came do he held me hostage for over 2 hours telling me I fell and hit my head . I was brave when this first started and I started recording on my watch instantly. He broke my nose, and left me with multiple bruises , mouth and jaw pain and severe panic attacks and anxiety. What I will tell you is I am stronger then before. He violated the restraining order more than 9 times all which I have proof with recordings, video , etc calling the cops everytime. I will tell you this , I pushed the police and the justice system begging them to help me because I was in fear for my life. This man put a tracking device on my car and refused to leave me alone. I felt bad at first, I had moments of sadness, various panic attacks and anxiety . But one thing I knew is I would protect my daughter at all costs .I fought so hard pressuring my advocate and the justice system that they finally caught him and he is in jail . Your VOICE needs to be heard , you are stronger than you know. You are worthy , loved, and matter very much. Please don't let anyone make you feel otherwise . Do I have moments of sadness? OF course that's my daughters father and I did love him. But I love myself and my daughter more . I found God and know I am worth it and I belong on this earth ..stay strong, stay beautiful and speak up . Find help anywhere you can . 1 quarter is better then 25 pennies . I send you all my love and wish you all make it through this . I am going to go to his sentencing and i will reas my victim impact statement to allow the justice system to hear and feel my pain . You GOT THIS !!! Sincerly , a strong domestic violence warrior/ survivor