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Is this abuse, or is it actually my fault? I don’t know what to do anymore. Please help. :( My relationship started a year ago long-distance. I loved him so much and didn't want to lose him, so when he said he couldn't do long-distance, I uprooted my life and moved in. It has been a hellish disaster ever since, and I am completely consumed by the feeling that I am the one causing all of it. It started with him belittling me and calling me names, which made me feel like I couldn't do anything right. One morning, he screamed and slammed things because I threw away a plastic spatula. He called me insane and demanded to know who would do such a thing. Just days before, he had complained about hating that it was plastic, so I thought I was doing the right thing by throwing it away, but his reaction made me feel like I was completely crazy and at fault. Since then, things have escalated, and he has told me so many times that I cause his violence that I am really starting to believe him. When he took my debit card without permission, I just let it go because I didn't want to spark another fight. When we argued and he slammed me against the wall and tried to throw me to the floor, he blamed me, and I believed him. When he did it a second time, he blamed me again. He constantly demands to use my car, keeps my keys in his pocket, and leaves garbage all over it. When I finally tried to stand up for myself and take my keys back, telling him he couldn't use my car, he swatted my arms away, grabbed me, and slammed me against the wall a third time. He blamed me for provoking him, and it made me feel like I shouldn't have tried to get my keys back in the first place. Another time, I tried to lock myself in the bedroom just to get away from the fighting, and he kicked holes in the door. He constantly raises his hand at me like he's going to punch or slap me. Most recently, he punched my arm and left a bruise. On top of everything, he refuses to pay his half of the bills. He has drilled it into my head that every single violent incident is my fault. I am trapped in a constant loop of self-doubt. I am seriously starting to believe him. I am deeply convinced that every single time he gets mad, explodes, or hurts me, it is entirely my fault.

My mom was Lily Bloom and I’m her Emerson but sadly it did not end there . I wish I could have not fallen for the charm or been blinded by the red flags but like my mom nobody saw the signs . My mom wasn’t able to leave and she wasn’t able to tell her story. But after sharing with her the trauma I endured from these past two insanely manipulating, toxic , abusive relationships . She was finally able to tell me I wasn’t alone , and my father was her Ryle , and like all Ryles they say they can change . But they won’t . Thankfully my mom and I both left our Ryles and found comfort in being each others safe place .

I Say No More because there are too many of us living and struggle with our everyday lives because we are ashamed about what another person has done to us. Me for an example; my abuse was on and off throughout my childhood. The longest lasted 4 years. By me staying silent for so long, to I have PTSD, Emotional Disorder and Depression. I had to learn how to gain control of my life that I didn't know for the longest that I could. I'm taking it one step at a time. See those people may have took away my childhood but they couldn't take away my LOVE, JOY and now my PEACE away.

It is important to clarify that in my case, this was not a romantic/sexual relationship – it was a teacher/student, mentor/mentee, falsified mother/daughter type of situation. She never had children and was trying to, in some ways, adopt me as her own. It is still considered domestic violence under the definition, though it is not the typical case. When I was a teenager in high school, I was in a very dark place mentally and contemplating suicide and needed to see someone. A trusted family member recommended a therapist to my mother. Although at the time I recalled not having good feelings about her – I felt distrustful vibes – I went to her for therapy for a few years. Primarily to please my mother and hopefully balance out my emotions in the process. The abuse, from a psychological standpoint, began when I saw her for therapy as a teenager, but I didn’t really become aware of that until I reconnected with her in my 30s – after the death of my brother. As a professional in the mental health field, she took advantage of my weakened mindset and spiritual views by manipulating me with her delusional state of being – she claimed to have strong spiritual power and a connection to God. Craving spiritual guidance and balance, she convinced me to live with her so she could become my true spiritual teacher. She gradually showed her true colors the longer we lived together in a mentor/mentee situation. She became more controlling of my every move and my time. She persuaded me to cut off from family and trusted friends – making me believe that she was the only one I could trust in the world. Truly isolating me from everyone who cared about me. The anger she displayed was terrifying. She became extremely unstable and even suicidal over time. Subjecting me to more mental, emotional, psychological, and spiritual abuse than I could ever write about. My gut, my instincts, told me this was an incredibly unhealthy situation after only a few months of living with her. Still, I had known her for almost two decades and she was a professional in the mental health field. Surely, she could be trusted to have my best interests in mind, right? She also had health issues and made sure I knew she needed me by using my genuine kindness and character against me to keep me attached. The tipping point was when I believed I truly saw her demonic side show itself visually. This person is claiming to be close to God. So witnessing her demonic behavior shook something in my mind. My inner voice said," She isn't who she says she is. Feel this in your heart. You need to get out!" The process was confusing and messy in my mind. I had been groomed to trust her since I was a teenager. Now in my 30s, I felt many conflicting feelings about leaving because of this. A friend of mine, who was also a medium, contacted me after performing an intercession and told me just how bad the situation was and that I needed to leave NOW. I felt this message deeply and acted on it right away. I called my one remaining friend to tell her I needed a place to go and fast. Luckily my friend accepted me with open arms. For so many years I felt guilty for leaving…like I was the one that messed everything up. Ha! The one friend that remained in my life was also who accepted me the day I needed out quickly. She was the most understanding and incredibly sympathetic person. I will always be grateful to her and her kindness! Unfortunately, my family was cut off early in my relationship, so they didn't know anything about my abuse for quite some time after I left. When I finally reached out to repair those familial relationships, they were understandably upset at her and comforting to me. I’m proud my family comforted me once I opened up to them. After almost everyone knew what had happened, they wholeheartedly supported me, and that was truly healing.