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Welcome to NO MORE Silence, Speak Your Truth.

This is a space where survivors of trauma and abuse share their stories alongside supportive allies. These stories remind us that hope exists even in dark times. You are never alone in your experience. Healing is possible for everyone.

What feels like the right place to start today?

“To anyone facing something similar, you are not alone. You are worth so much and are loved by so many. You are so much stronger than you realize.”

“Healing is different for everyone, but for me it is listening to myself...I make sure to take some time out of each week to put me first and practice self-care.”

Message of Healing
From a survivor
🇰🇪

TBH... i'm still trying to figure out

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  • Story
    From a survivor
    🇺🇸

    Living with an evil man who lived a double life....until I unpeeled it.

    My story is long and sad as most abusive relationship stories. I will start with a little background info. I was born to teenage parents (babies themselves) having babies. I was the middle child. My mother was 16 when she had me. My older sister was 1 year older which puts my mother at 15 with her birth. Well my parents got married and both parents worked hard and played hard. Babies raising babies. My father went to work and never missed a day of work. You could say the same for my mother. Well I was raised in one town with one home and we did have a family setting in a beautiful coastal town. You could say it didn't prepare me for the real world which is filled with so much darkness. I had alot of difficulties with my older sister who played alot of games with me while growing up. She was to pick me up from work as we shared the only car as teenagers and she would make me walk home from work in the dark alot. I got engaged early into going to college and married my first husband at 20. No I wasn't pregnant. I was head over in love with what I thought was everything to me. He was handsome and smart. Unfortunately when your husband is good looking other women notice too. In this case it was the older sister who I never got along with. This time it turned out very traumatic because in a small town with everyone knowing your business this older sister had a five year affair with my husband and even came up pregnant with his child while married herself at the time. This husband told me he married the wrong sister. I was in alot of emotional pain with this huge family drama which my mother who was Catholic wanted noone to know our family secret. My sister was having my husband's child and they had a 5 year affair. I was heartbroken, made to be silenced given this was my sister, and this was the beginning of me shutting down and taking the abuse. So you could say I was taking emotional abuse at this point. Abandonment soon came from my parents because I divorced that husband which my parents didn't want to happen for fear I would tell our deep dark family secret. Oh did I mention we were living in a small town and drinking was big in my family. Without getting counseling for this emotional time and traumatic event I moved away from my less than supportive family and found my second mistake. How could I top my sister having my husband's child but I did. I dated alittle and then a man at work asked me out. I was numb and not looking for any relationship. This man drank and that was familiar to my family settings. But I didn't know he had a dark side very dark past. I started dating him steady and within a year I was engaged again. I thought he was going to be everything I wanted and needed. Love, a happy home, beautiful family with children and trust! I got engaged in Date in Oct we were married. The following March we had twin girls. Well in Date 2 we went to Location and everything with my second husband was always a plan because he lived a double life one I didn't unpeel until the 25th year of being married. This marriage was filled with physical, emotional and verbal abuse. I told you I topped the first disaster. My second husband liked the fact I had no family around and that would allow him to live his double life he had. One using me as a cover wife with cover kids and the second which is revealed when we moved to State as a gang member trafficking drugs and women. I know unbelievable. I never knew I was married to a gang member but in Date we went to Location and that was my first meeting you could say with his double life as he would use me as he met with his drug connections. I had no idea. In State I caught him with Nationalityoften which turned out to be Cartel. I couldn't believe it but then I caught him drug trafficking and then I caught the women which he was trafficking as well. This double life comes with alot of dangers you see they drug the girls and this I also experienced. As I was unpeeling this whole side to a man I obviously didn't know he would beat me up as I was started to go to the proper authorities for help. I even told the local police my husband was trafficking drugs with Nationalityand I was scared. I was calling so many times for help. The authorities are not well trained with Domestic Violence, because when they called back on my same cell phone all that did was put me in more danger and I couldn't speak up for help because he was sitting 5 feet from me at the time. I was beat up for going to the police. He knew my every move and I was sure I was going to die. He said he would burn the house down. As he was trafficking girls underage at local High Schools he felt no fear. He said he had power and could do what ever he wanted. Bragging it was the oldest profession. You see these traffickers/pimps don't fear the outdated laws or even the police. They are making billions with this now. The FBI told me it's a huge problem and they can't stop it frm growing. The women, girls and young kids involved in this aren't going to take the stand against the gangs and cartel. That's crazy then comes the actually threats I endured after the beatings. I was being poisoned by my own husband which I could feel right away as I started to vomit and my cancer doctor said I had leukemia. I was given cancer as my spouse was bragging he could do. He said some people get cancer some are given cancer. These gang members have chemicals and toxins that are unthinkable. Now living in paradise I was running down the street for help after being choked out and noone would help. Why would they get involved too dangerous. I called 13 times for the police. The more trafficking I witnessed and pieced together the more my danger to myself increased. Now he said of I didn't leave then he could traffic me. His exact words were I was sitting on a million dollars. You see these pimps/ traffickers only look at women and girls average age is 12 as money. SO many are doing it in State it's crazy. I watched cars - ubers driving young girls around the neighborhood stopping and dropping girls off for the sex buyers either at their private residence or in a private residence used as a brothel. Oh yeah a year earlier I was going to the cancer doctor from work running home and changing my clothes before the appointment to see my bed remade and shower wet midday. I thought it was for an affair. He was having an affair which is why he was poisoning me but he was using our own home as a private residence brothel. Big business. Millions made for all involved. The woman coming out of my home spoke no english and she said she was a realtor and had shown my house that day. I caught her coming out of my own home. I thought she was the mistress. She was a sex worker meeting the John at my house using my bed. I told you it was worse much worse. But abuse is never good no matter what degree it is. I was so broken I moved from State to State with this same husband thinking I was saving my marriage from that affair. Not until State did I learn that wasn't an affair but a huge trafficking multistate Jeffrey Epstein situation and now my life was in real danger because I was piecing human trafficking, sex trafficking and drug trafficking together. I didn't know the correct words for all this until I found myself getting into my first safehouse. Yes my first one. One of five! I was saved by myself because my own husband started to pimp me after drugging me and I was feeling so sick everyday. I went to the doctors and told my new doctor my spouse was hurting me and I didn't know why except he had a girlfriend. I saw my husband driving a brand new car past our house within a month of us moving to State. No withdrawal from our joint checking. How did he buy the car? I started intense detective work. I found the 12 girls names encrypted on his cell phone, saw the addresses he was sending them too, saw ads for Plenty of fish, FB, Craigslist and such. Still I didn't understand this all. Trafficking ?? Why would a man in his 60's which is what my husband was have so much to do with 12 girls. OMG not until 6 months later when I was saved with a safehouse in State, SPARCC did I really understand what was happening all around me. The Cartel threats to my car and children. The gang retaliation to my 4 cars, 5 safehouses and 8 cell phones. So anyone who says sex trafficking is no big deal a harmless profession didn't know my story because for that volume of money they will kill you making it look like an accident. I've had more vandalism to my car which goes undocumented by the police. You know there were years of abuse to the young girls for Jeffrey Epstein getting away with it. I called 13 times for help. I was beat up. Choked out which I was told in State was a felony 10 years. Restraining Order denied in State. I detailed the trafficking in State and Sate and left to survive this horrific story which I couldn't believe I wasn't protected more. The take away from this is that powerful men are sex trafficking and human trafficking all across America without any legal problems. Just as my husband bragged he had power and could do what he wanted. I overheard my husband telling strange men in State what I looked like naked and my bedroom habits. Horrified I called him into the house which we just purchased together for our third Chapter! I asked him what was he doing ? He said my cancer was in my brain now and I didn't hear him right . Gaslighting! So cleaver I started to second guess everything I was seeing and hearing. My leukemia was in my blood and not in my brain. I started to record my own home and such because I needed to know I wasn't loosing my mind. He told me I was but I didn't think I was. Then I heard tapes with his voice - why isn't she dead yet ? I know Name but she isn't- I did do that. OMG his girlfriend was now down here in State and they wanted me dead. OMG I wasn't saving my married I was being eliminated. Oh my how does he have all these other assets. I was an profession so I needed to know how he aquirred the new car- Red Cadillac with his Girlfriend on his lap. State Plates License Plate Number FL. Well that was the beginning of unpeeling a huge trafficking gang situation which started in City, State 1, then too City, State 2, then down to City, State 3. OMG I saw the shell companied encrypted on my husband's cell phone. Then I saw the addresses and names of the sex workers. I already witnessed the worker coming out of my own home back in State. Then I was whirling with OMG momemts. Piecing together so much. My husband had 3 boats all which he had unexplained situations happening. OMG then I remembered he cut the deck of the boat which on TV said was for drug mule smugling activity. OMG. I was seeing it too in State as I followed my husband without his knowing. As I explained I thought I was trying to unpeel an affair but now it was worse so much. I was vomiting again in State like State and I knew at this point it was from my bath products which were moved within the shower area letting me know someone was harming me. Why did my husband move me toState along with his GF ? Why not just divorce me in State ? OMG I was to be dead by now. The Leukemia I have isn't by chance and I could see the girl fiend he had. SO my detective mode increased and now I knew he was a drug mule for Cartel but the young girls I saw him with at a local high school that I didn't know what it was. Not until the sex workers at the first safehouse told me what I was married too ! OMG I was seeing it right! I was right! I called for help told the police I needed help and noone really did anything. I was seeing srug, sex and human trafficking. Why didn't I piece this sooner I asked myself. So I looked hard at all the State activity there it was. My husband was leaving work on half days and trafficking women and drugs in City, State 2 and City, State 4. I turned on the family locator and saw the City, State 4 activity. OMG. I was right with the degree of danger and how could my restraining order be denied I told the courts how he was harming me! I saw my husband meeting teachers who aere part of the underground network offering up kids from their school. Big money big business in State. You know I told 5 detectives up and down the East Coast as I ran and tried to hide from the Cartel and Gang who were chasing me in Various States. I needed help real help. I was run off the road. Vandalism to 4 cars. 2 flat tires in two months. 8 Cell phones compromised. Forced from my only home I owned leaving me homeless to sleep in my car. After 2 college degrees and seeing trafficking up close I was left to hide and sleep in Walmart parking lots just to survive. Five years of torture as these gang members continue to make billions from wealthy sex buyers. Men in communities hiding in plain site. Teachers, Lawyers, Judges, Doctors, Businessmen, Politicians, and yes even men in authority positions like policemen. I witnessed a policeman as a John in my own home in State. They came hard after me all, Cartel, Gangs, and Sex buyers. Judge in State, County Name denied my RO. WTH. I thought no I prayed to die. Please GOD take me now. I went to college to tell the twins what I was trying to live with in State and survive it. They didn't believe me, why should they I couldn't believe it was real and as big as it was. The underage girls I caught living in my boat in State were about 16 years old. Average age in State is 12. I went into a safe house my first one and the sex workers who were there taking refuge from an angry pimp/trafficker told me all about my husband. These women told me because they were sick of me talking about his Girlfriend. They researched his name with their connections and came back to the safehouse and we went for a ride to a park to discuss what was happening. They said I was clueless married to a dangerous man who was a gang member, Big Fish - trafficking drugs and women. OMG. I knew as sad as that was it was true because I was seeing that too. I was piecing it together with the same results. OMG. Now what I asked. They said I would be dead soon. Trafficking is so big in State it's everywhere. I went into a safehouse but soon they came for my adult children just as the sex workers warned me was going to happen. I left by their advise and went back to the worst human being on the planet. The man I married who was living a double life as a horrific trafficker selling women and girls. OMG then came all the memories of the unanswered events thru out the marriage. We went to Location and my husband went to the box seats, now I see why he supplied the girls and such. OMG. He made millions just as he bragged he would in 1997 but I thought he was drunk again. That's why I was seeing cars, houses and so much near my husband around him etc. Wow how this crime isn't stopped it beyond me. Big Business and many many involved. Fake Realtors using houses as brothels too, House cleaning service in State which isn't really house cleaning but brothel service. All around my husband was his gang team. No cell usuage and they lived near each other. Clever. Very Organized. Well I tell my story so everyone understands human and sex trafficking isn't done by nice men just having sex. They will kill for this greed. 150 Billion. Human Trafficking should be on everyone's mind to stop because it leads to poisoning, drugging, raping, trafficking, murder, unexplained accidents to your car. Like the day I was to have the wrong size brakes put on my car but they were in the right size box! Yes I know crazy story but it's true and every person in America should be very upset about just sex which isn't what this is! It's selling people and slavery which after a short time these victims can't get out of the life. It's a one way road. The need for public awareness with trafficking is needed now because it's as bad as the television shows it to be and worse. My husband now my ex got the house in State and really he got the millions too because he's not in jail. These pimps/traffickers don't go to jail. The laws need reform and the men writing the laws are the ones involved or know of a buddy who's involved. As my ex husband bragged man cannot govern man. He made millions as he said he would and never went to jail. Big Fish from City, State ....WOW. Many more details I discovered with this huge multistate operation.

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  • “Healing to me means that all these things that happened don’t have to define me.”

    Message of Hope
    From a survivor
    🇺🇸

    Every day is a new day, and a new chance to make yourself better.

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  • Message of Healing
    From a survivor
    🇺🇸

    Healing to me pinnacled once I climbed out of the hole I found myself in

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  • Story
    From a survivor
    🇨🇦

    #1122

    I grew up with an alcoholic, violent father and a mother who, to this day, can’t even remember most of the things he did. Eventually, my brother turned into an even worse version and was also abusive towards me, he even beat my ex boyfriend and was extremely jealous and overprotective of me when it came to guys who would try to approach me, I started feeling that having a boyfriend and falling in love was a “bad thing”. Eventually I started a relationship with a guy who lived in a different country, he seemed perfect but my mom was for some reason concerned. I ended up moving to his country and we got married, after we got married his behavior changed completely. I felt like I was basically living under his roof and like he was living like a single guy. He was doing drugs behind my back, he was cheating a verbally abusive. I would try to confront him about the things he was doing and he made me feel like I was the crazy person, he would also call my parents and sister to tell them I was very immature. He knew I would never tell them everything he was doing to me, and I felt like I didnt have anybody to talk to about what was really happening. One day he forced me on the floor, I can literally still fell the texture of the carpet against my chin. He would travel a lot, so one day I just packed my bags and left him. He eventually filed for divorce and I was served on valentine’s day at work in front of my team. It took me a week to read the papers, for some reason I just couldn’t. The papers stated I made him marry me because I wanted the residency and he was also trying to take my dog from me, my dog is my biggest support and he obviously knew that. It took years for the divorce to finalize. Everything started back in 2018, I still struggle. I haven’t been able to start a new relationship and I am sabotaging myself with everything, including my professional life and that was the one thing I was really great at. For the first time I realize that I need to find my support system, that there is hope. I don’t when I’m going to stop blaming myself and punishing myself for my decisions, but I am eager to do the work to get there. To start putting myself first. I have Justin Baldoni to thank for. Thank you for spreading awareness. Thank you for being brave enough to share your stories. We are all worthy of a healthy love.

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  • “Healing means forgiving myself for all the things I may have gotten wrong in the moment.”

    Story
    From a survivor
    🇺🇸

    #1149

    I am going to share my story of abuse through my victim impact statement written for the 1/9 violation on my order for protection that he was charged for. My name is NameI met Name 2 on Date. I fell in love with him easily and quickly, he paid attention to things that I struggled with or lacked and swept me off my feet. This was all part of his process, the extreme love bombing. The abuse started almost immediately. He accused me of cheating on him. He told me I was not to talk to my ex husband and co parent because that was me wanting to be with my ex and eventually the abuse became physical as well. I soon found out Name 2was hiring prostitutes, doing cocaine and drinking alcohol most every day. The control started small, little accusations, expectations of read notifications on texts and location sharing, things I didn’t mind because I never had anything to hide. He used them to his advantage so I wouldn’t catch him and what he was doing and I was so swept into the image he wanted me to see and believe, that I missed the signs of abuse. It wasn’t till a year and a half into the relationship that I found out his control was a way to keep me in the dark about his own life, yet I forgave him and gave him another chance with the declarations of love and apologies. But then the abuse became worse, he tracked how much shaving cream I would use; he yelled and screamed at me and verbally abused me; he frequently pushed me and even pushed me down the stairs onto the basement concrete; he locked me out of the house with nothing and nowhere to go, etc. I moved in with him because it seemed the only way I would know if he was being faithful. Obviously I was wrong because that man has never been faithful one day in his life to anyone. He became so over bearing and he accused me of all kinds of things. I was fired from a previous employer for recording my meetings because I did not know how else to prove to him I was not cheating on him. Name 2told me his issues began early on with abuse from his birth mother and watching her do drugs and selling her body (his sister was raped so I am assuming he was as well), to then moving in with his father and watching him physically, mentally and emotionally abuse his step mother, himself and his brother and alcohol. Name 2began drinking at the mere age of 8, smoking shortly thereafter, the cocaine use began around age 20 and the use of prostitutes to the best of my knowledge started around age 36. He told me he drove his father home drunk before he was even old enough to have a permit. He can drink over 36 beers and still drive his car straight, he drinks everyday., I was a witness to it. His relationship with his family is toxic and strained- he holds his children as bait over his parents to make them do what he wants or they cannot see them. He threatens to hit his dad. Once when I was with him at his parents home in Location he drove over their fence, destroying it. On the ride home that night he told me that one of the two of us was going to die. There is honestly nothing good to say about Name 2 he evades taxes, doesn’t pay for his possessions and has had 2/3 of his vehicle repossessed in the last 5 months, abuses his family, friends, girlfriends and children, he steals, lies and cheats and is a drain on everyone he meets and society itself. Though, this is about my Order for Protection and the violations and why I am terrified of Name 2 and why I never want him to see me or my children ever again. When I became pregnant, with a pregnancy we planned together might I add, his violence, drinking and abuse multiplied ten fold. As you can see in my order for protection he attempted to kill my then unborn son multiple times each time stating he didn’t care if the baby lived or died. He pushed me, strangled me, hit me in the face with a phone and knocked me unconscious, he would call me terrible awful names, hit me and take my phone to prevent me from calling the police for help. It is a miracle that my baby and I are even alive to tell this tale and ask for Name 2to finally see consequences for his actions. Though Name 3 lived, he did not come out unscathed from the abuse he endured while in utero, Name 3 has kidney issues due to Name 2'scocaine use (as cocaine attaches itself to semen and causes birth defects) and the mental, emotional and physical abuse I endured while pregnant with him. It is still unknown if his kidney will heal or if he will need surgery. I filed my order for protection because Name 2had me lie through my teeth with promises of change and love and how he would go to treatment and be the man I deserved for our family in order to get the Danco dropped that the state filed when I called the police on him on Date 2 I also wanted to ensure that my order for protection included Jaxton. As Name 2tried to kill him many times while I was pregnant with him and though the Danco was altered to allow him at the birth he couldn’t stay sober or straight long enough to be there for me and the baby when he was “needed”. After Name 3 was born he called his ears funny looking, asked why he had a birth mark on his face- said he’ll never get laid with that, punched himself in the head to show dominance over me while holding him and when I told him to give Name 3 back to me he pushed me backwards into a patio door. Neither one of us was safe anywhere near him and I thank you for granting our Order for Protection. Now I ask that you punish him for violating it. I am not the first woman he has abused, stolen from, cheated on and ruined emotionally and mentally and I will not be the last. I live my life everyday in fear of him, I see black Tahoes and have panic attacks and attend therapy weekly. This “man” should be charged with attempted murder and actually face the ramifications for his actions. He has 2 older children that are hurting so incredibly bad and are angry and scared of him and do not know how to react or behave with what they are dealing with and now he his living with a new woman already and she has a riddled past with drug convictions and has a 3 year old living with them. He gets more and more violent with every relationship, in mine he attempted to kill my unborn child, what will he do in this one? Actually kill her? And if you follow the pattern that he has experienced in all his years abusing women he will only feel more invincible to do whatever he wants. I filed my order for protection for peace of mind and though you the prosecutor could go after him for MULTIPLE violations they are only seeking one. I am pleading with you to see the evidence that he knowingly violated not once, but multiple times! Even asking in a different violation for me not to call the police. This “man” has never seen consequences for his actions and thus had not changed a thing. This is also not the first OFP for Domestic Violence against Name 2 I ask that you give him with the utmost charge of jail time. There he needs to seek therapy, anger management and rehabilitation for all his addictions. I also ask that he be charged with all of these violations to do so and that if you do place a new DANCO that it include my son Name 3to protect us both. I was strangled multiple times in this relationship and kept from calling the police or for help. Strangulation is a felony conviction all on it’s own and preventing me for calling for help is a misdemeanor that can carry up to one year in jail. I have a recording of him taking my phone and not allowing me to call for help and also admitting to hitting me. This “man” needs to face real repercussions and consequences for his actions and all of his victims deserve peace of mind and a good nights sleep knowing he’s where he belongs- in jail. Help me keep not only myself safe but my child as well. Thank you.

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  • Story
    From a survivor
    🇺🇸

    Welcome to Florida.

    My name is Name I am a lifelonglocation 1and relocated to location 2 3 years ago. I never thought in my most horrific Nightmares that I would have a devastating story like this to tell. But now I do and this is my location 2 life. Welcome to location 2. The land of delusion. I have been trying to file a lawsuit for the following abuse and mental/psychological cruelty that has happened to me since relocating to this God forsaken state: -False Imprisonment -Medical Malpractice/Medical Negligence -Defamation of Character -Falsafying Records I have been trying to file these claims against Mental Institution Name in location 2. I have been working with Name 2 of Organization Name since last year regarding ordering a site inspection against this facility due to all the violations they committed that have gone unnoticed and undocumented from the inspection done by Agency Name Please see below for an outline of what has occurred: ========================== Date: Followed up on my rape kit done at the Rape Crisis Center Name a few weeks prior with the policewoman assigned to my case, Name 3. I went to the precinct to speak to her because I missed her call and they told me she was going to come to me later that day. Name 3 of the Name of Department came to my apartment later that day with 2 other policemen/women, bullied and forced me out of my home, Name 4 Acted me and sent me to Psych Ward Name via ambulance and restraints. I was told by all 3 police that Hospital Namewas going to examine me and look into why my stomach was so enlarged. I was kept at Psych Ward Name all night. No one examined me nor did the ask about my stomach issues or my vaginal soreness from being REPEATEDLY raped. I was then taken by ambulance in the middle of the night to Mental Institution Name 2. All of this was STRONGLY AGAINST MY WILL. Date 2: 1st day at Mental Institution Name 2: --Violently ill and throwing up nonstop from the medication, which they stated they had no record of the next day in their charts, I was then given a shot in the buttocks because I refused the medication that made me ill and then reacted terribly from the shot, jumping out of my skin for a straight 24 hours. --Complained of my vaginal soreness throughout my 2 week stay due to being repeatedly raped and no medicine was given to me for this, I was completely ignored. --Was unable to shower for days due to lack of towels --Badgered/Harrassed by another drunk patient who threw her dirty diaper in my room in the middle of the night and frightened me. When I complained to staff about this nothing was done. ---Changed my medication the first time with a new medication which caused my tongue to swell up, was unable to talk the entire day/evening. --Psychiatrist who was assigned to me decided to change my medication again throughout my 2 week stay which made me more anxious, feeling like I was going to have panic attacks. She then decided to give me an injection to treat skyzophrenia in my left arm. I am NOT SKYZOPHRENIC. My left arm blew up and was very achy. She wanted to keep me for an additional 4 days after that to give me the second injection so I then petitioned the court to be discharged with the help of the public defender, Public Defender. Public Defender never mentioned anything about the mandatory 72 hour hold for LegalActs, as I was already kept against my will for nearly 2 weeks before reaching out to him for assistance. I Learned that on the police report Name 3 stated false 911 calls. THIS IS A BLATANT LIE and the report was falsified. I followed up on a rape kit and responded to Name 3's call ONLY WHEN SHE CALLED ME. Date 3 Discharged from Mental Institution Name 2 I was traumatized for a week after being discharged. I was unable to drive or leave my house due to constant panic attacks. To this day I still baracade my front door with 3 dining room chairs due to lack of protection from the police, as my rapist is still at large. In addition to this, I was told the police threw out my Rape Case due to insufficient information. REGARDING THE INSPECTION FROM Agency Name: It was 7 months from point of complaint sent to the field office for them to inspect. We are no longer in COVID so this does not make sense why it took so long. I was held for 10 days with no hearing and no sign of voluntary admission. There is no evidence in the medical records that a petition was even requested per law. This is CLEARLY false imprisonment! I have been continually suffering from PTSD, Nightmares & Panic Attacks since this horrific incident has occurred. I am seeing a Psychiatrist and have been prescribed 3 psychotropic drugs to help assist in my suffering. I have already called 20Location 2 ATTORNEYS & 10 Location 1ATTORNEYS since last year to try and seek justice however no one is willing to take on my case. I have been walking around for nearly 3 years carrying all this pain of sexual and emotional trauma and there are days that destroy my peace so much that I get physically ill. I have several health issues that have developed since relocating to Location 2 and Doctors that are unable to cure me. I am grateful for the few people I have in my life who offer support and so happy yo have this platform to assist in my healing. Thank you for listening. ❤️

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  • Healing is not linear. It is different for everyone. It is important that we stay patient with ourselves when setbacks occur in our process. Forgive yourself for everything that may go wrong along the way.

    “It’s always okay to reach out for help”

    Story
    From a survivor
    🇨🇦

    I didn’t imagine it - I survived it.

    I’m 56 years old and have spent most of my life trying to understand what happened to me growing up — not just what was done, but what was allowed. My mother didn’t hit me. Her weapons were colder: control, shame, silent punishments, and subtle emotional games that left no visible marks. She taught me love was conditional. If I pleased her, I got slivers of approval. If I spoke out, I was punished or exiled. Even joy was rationed — too much of it and she’d find a way to ruin it. Her moods ruled the house. Everyone learned to tiptoe. She told others she was doing her best. She played the victim so well — struggling mom, too burdened to care. But at home, it was all about control. She’d withhold affection, twist your words, cry on command, and convince you that you were the problem. I internalized all of it. I grew up believing I was unworthy, difficult, broken. Worse, she brought a man into our lives who raped me. I now know she saw things. I remember moments — things she would have had to notice, hear, sense. But she chose silence. Whether out of denial or protection for herself, she turned away. That betrayal has been harder to heal than the abuse itself. Because the person who was supposed to protect me not only failed to — she facilitated the harm. When I became a mother myself, I tried to do better — to break the cycle — but the damage was already seeded. It affected how I parented, how I loved, how I trusted. It fractured parts of me that I’m still putting back together. Even now, my mother continues to manipulate and control. She paints herself as a caretaker, but she makes dangerous decisions. She isolates her dying partner from his loved ones and undermines his medical needs. She is still trying to rewrite the story. Still trying to erase mine. But I won’t let her. I’m writing this because I need it spoken somewhere outside of me. I need to reclaim the truth: I was there. I didn’t imagine it. And it wasn’t my fault. To anyone reading who is still doubting their memory or blaming themselves — I see you. You’re not crazy. You’re not alone. And what happened to you mattered. I survived her. I am still here. And I am no longer silent.

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  • Story
    From a survivor
    🇦🇹

    #1113

    I was in an abusive relationship for 12 years. I met him when I was fourteen and we came together when I was fifteen. He was nice and lovely and I fell in love with him. I never thought that he could have a dark side. After a few month I began to realize, that there is something inside him. When we had our first fight, he screamed with me and I had so much fear. He apologized and I forgived him. But: It didn‘t stopped. He was verbal abusive. He said that I am a whore. He made me feeling small and like I am the worst person in the world. He said, that I am a psycho. He said I am a joke. He said I am nothing. He said, that he has to talk and scream with me like this, because I don‘t understand his points otherwise. He began to destroy things like my watch or a necklace. The walls had holes and he often grabbed me at my shoulders very hard when he got angry. When I cried, he became angrier at all. I locked myself in the toilet because I had so much fear of him. He also pushed me at the asphalt when he was drunk sometimes. I had bruises. One time he choked me. I never told anybody what happend, because I always forgived him and felt so fucking guilty. I tried to left him, but he always said, that he will kill himself, when I go. I went to therapy but even there I was so ashamed, that I didn‘t talk about the abuse. After two years of therapy I got stronger and stronger. I was ready to talk to somebody about the things that happend to me and that I want to leave him. Suddenly I felt free and was ready to go. He always said, that he loves me and that I am the love of his life. It never was love. I realized that I was in an abusive relationship. There were verbal, emotional and physical abuse. I didn't imagine any of it. I wasn't crazy. Whoever is reading this and is in a similar situation: You are strong! You are intelligent! You are beautiful! You are a good person! You can trust yourself! You can talk to someone! You can do this! You can leave him! You are a wonderful human being! I love you all out there and send you hugs. We have to share our stories and we are allowed to share them. Together we can change something.

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  • Message of Hope
    From a survivor
    🇺🇸

    If I could get out leave and make it so can you!

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  • “You are not broken; you are not disgusting or unworthy; you are not unlovable; you are wonderful, strong, and worthy.”

    Story
    From a survivor
    🇺🇸

    There is light at the end of the tunnel

    I had become accustomed to being called horrible names (fat, bitch, cunt, stupid,whore, hairy,pathetic, ugly) being screamed at, shoved, pushed, hair pulled, my wrist grabbed so hard that I think I have nerve damage. But the day he punched me, choked me and I thought I was going to die is when I had enough. It was the lowest scariest moment in my life. Before it got to that extreme I felt I had to tolerate the abuse what I then labeled bad behaviors because that’s what loving someone else was. I accepted it as part of his short comings and believed I was so mentally strong they did not affect me. I also believed I could change him if I just showed him I loved him enough. That I could heal his wounds. It was a lie I told myself not realizing how toxic that was. When someone that claims to love you and who you love treats you with such disrespect, it wounds even the strongest of us. Eventually, that love became hate for him and for myself. I carried so much shame too because I couldn't believe that I allowed him to treat me with such cruelty. I believed myself stupid and weak. I was vulnerable because I craved affection. I was codependent and did not know it. I was easy prey for a narcissist. After I left him a part of me was relieved but another part was so hurt and lost. I had days I felt like just crying and staying in bed, days going to work was almost impossible because I hated myself for everything specifically where I found myself at 27. I soon realized that what I thought was weak was actually the good in me. The understanding, emphatic and caring parts of me were not weakness, I was just giving that to someone that did not deserve it. Did not deserve me. I had to learn to heal by showing myself the compassion and love I gave him. I had to learn to love myself and I did. I realized I am strong and resilient and deserve to be happy. I found my joy to live and an inner strength I had no idea I possessed. To anyone that feels trapped in a cycle of abuse I say you are not alone and you are NOT crazy. I remember the first time I allowed myself to speak about all the abuse. It was to a therapist and I only seeked out therapy because I no longer recognized myself. I was either sad or angry and began suffering from anxiety. She said to me, I can't imagine how it feels to live with all those feelings and I remember crying. For the first time, I felt like my feelings mattered and I was not insane because I had been gaslighted and manipulated to the point I didn’t trust my feelings. Most of that hour I was balling and could not stop. It was like the flood gates opened and there was no closing them. I just had to wait for it to empty out. The pain I was holding in was indescribable. I just know I do not wish it to anyone. It was also the start of my healing. The last few years on my own have forced me to grow and really love myself. I can say today that I look back at that time and feel like this all happened to someone else. There are moments, triggers that remind me of the sad girl I once was but I am so much stronger now that they do not last. It took years to get here, and there is still work I got to do like learn to be vulnerable again but one thing I know for sure, I will NEVER go back to that version of me.

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  • Story
    From a survivor
    🇺🇸

    Name's Story

    At 19 years old and away from home for the first time…I thought I was in love. I married someone I barely knew. I met him at Military Training, and we got stationed in the same city. I wanted a wedding, but he did not so we ended up at the Justice of the Peace. This was one of the first of many things I did to compromise. Shortly after we were married, his true colors started showing. Slowly, I was isolated, moved away from all my friends and family. I could not do anything right. Everything was my fault. No matter how hard I tried it was never good enough. He forced me to watch pornography and forced me to do things sexually that I had not consented to. Yes, a spouse can rape their spouse. I was called all sorts of names, mocked, belittled, insulted, and worse. It was mostly behind closed doors; however, some was done in public. We would only hang out with my friends and family when he wanted to put on a show. At one point he moved his “friend” in with us because she had nowhere to go. After being diagnosed with an STD, I learned she was one of many women that he cheated on me with. She was his mistress in every sense of the word. At some point I lost who I was and began to think I was exactly who he said I was…worthless, ugly, and nothing. I was living in a fog. I could not make sense of my feelings or thoughts. I had no idea what to do to make him happy because no matter how much I tried to do what I thought he said he wanted it was never right. I attempted suicide which surprised my family, friends, and co-workers because I had never said a word. I had been able to put on a smile and always help others during the workday. No one knew the verbal, emotional or sexual abuse I endured at home. After my suicide attempt my family, and the few friends that still stood by me tried to get me to leave. I refused to leave. I was insistent that could make my marriage work. If I only tried harder. If I were only the person, he wanted me to be. Then, out of the blue, he was arrested, court-martialed, and sent to military prison (on matters unrelated to the marriage). I still tried to make things work. I would go visit him in jail, take care of our home, pay the bills, and try to be a “good wife”. One day he called asking for things he wanted. When I told him that I had not bought the requested items because I was looking for a part-time job to pay the bills (we had mounds of debt thanks to him), he called me “undependable”. It was in that moment I finally realized I deserved more. I yelled into the phone “You’re right; I’m undependable!” and hung up the phone. I then took off my engagement and wedding rings and proceeded to throw them across the living room into the kitchen where they came to rest under the washer and dryer. The next day I contacted a lawyer and within a few weeks we were divorced. We had been married for one year and four months and had known each other for one year and nine months. In less than two years this man had broken me to the point that I no longer knew who I was and kept me from making new friends at my duty assignment. The only friends I had at this point were some old friends from high school that I did not see often but they refused to be pushed away. His actions caused me to spiral into a pit of depression so severe that I thought the only answer (or way out) was to take my own life. Throughout my first marriage, I had a friend who told my first ex-husband to back off and that he was going to stay my friend no matter what. He kept his word and continued to always be there for me during my marriage. When I told him, I was getting divorced, he took leave and came to stay with me for a week so he could be in the courtroom with me during the divorce hearing. 2 years and 7 months later this friend and I were married. Like my first husband, I also met him at military training. Our whole relationship had been long distance except for the few months at military training and that one week during my divorce. We spent the first year of marriage apart waiting for the military to station us together. We got pregnant the first weekend we were finally living together. Once we were living together, his true personality quickly emerged. He was always on the computer due to video games and/or pornography. He could not be bothered to help if he was on the computer. He would yell when he was not happy. I called to say I was in premature labor with our child and he did not come to the hospital. Once the baby arrived, I would ask for help, but he could not be bothered because he was busy. As time went on, the yelling, silent treatment, name calling, not helping around the house, and just ignoring me only seemed to get worse. Then he got deployed. I discovered he was having at minimum one online affair and saying all sorts of hateful and nasty things about me. I confronted him, and he acted like it was not a big deal. I felt differently. It was a big deal to me, so I left. I filed for a divorce. He spent months sweet talking me until I foolishly took him back. At this point we were now both out of the military. We bought a house, and he went to school. I worked full-time, tried to go school, and took care of the house and our child. He still seldom helped with anything. I had to pay for childcare because our child bothered him while he was doing his schoolwork. The name calling, silent treatments and ignoring only got worse. I noticed he was punishing our child in ways that were not appropriate for a toddler and expecting things beyond a toddler’s capability. I started having panic attacks when I pulled into the garage after work because I did not know which personality I was going to meet when I walked in the house: Mr. Happy or Mr. Angry. His behavior after we moved in together did not match the behavior of the friend who was there for me during my first marriage; he had changed – or had he? He stopped telling me how much he loved me and how much he needed me and proceeded to tear me down or not talk to me at all. I had reached that all too familiar point where I was again in a fog and not sure what to do because everything, I did was wrong…unless he wanted something. I felt like I was walking on eggshells at home all the time. I remember he said something to me at a store one day and a woman made eye contact with me…her look said, “Honey, just say the word and I will help you escape”. I just quickly looked away. The final straw was coming home from work one day and finding my usually very active child sitting very still on the couch. When I asked what was wrong, my child said, “Daddy slapped across both cheeks for playing in some mud with the dog.” I confronted him and told him he had three choices: get help, leave or I was calling the police. He chose to leave and blame me for making him “poor and homeless”. Seven months after we separated, we were divorced. We had been married for eight years and ten months. We had known each other for ten years and seven months. He had gone from being one of my best friends to a total stranger who left me feeling even more empty and broken than my first husband had. It is hard to put into words the slow way both individuals managed to tear me down to nothing, to the point that I felt like I had nothing left to live for. Unlike my first marriage, the second time it was not just me. I had to protect my child. Both used verbal and emotional abuse to slowly control me and make me feel like nothing, make me question my sanity, and make me believe I was a complete idiot and loser. One of them used sex as a weapon for his pleasure and another withheld touch of any kind knowing that it is one of my Love Languages. Both could be kind when it suited them to make them look good or to get what they wanted. Thanks to both of these individuals I now know gaslighting, love bombing, flying monkeys, triangulation, projection, threats (both threatened to kill me), trauma-bonding and more are all part of a Narcissist’s play book. It was not me who was crazy or not worthy. They used these tools to get what they wanted and then tossed me to the side when I was no longer needed. Now that I know what these actions and terms mean I have been able to educate myself on how to recognize the signs, heal from the trauma and reach a point where I am able to share my story of survival. I had no idea who I was, what I liked, how to live a happy life or how to be strong. I could put on a good show for the outside world, or so I thought. I have since learned that my family and close friends could tell things were wrong. They were praying for me and standing close for when I finally reached out for help. When I look back over both marriages, I see God’s hand in them, and I know that it is because of Him that I am still here to tell my story. My first ex-husband walked in on me with the pills in hand and a razor blade at my wrist. For all the bad he did God used him to save my life by having him walk-in at that exact moment. He reported me to the military thinking it would get me in trouble but instead it saved my career and my life. His going to jail allowed me to get away. During my second marriage I can honestly say that the only reason I was able to get away is truly a miracle. I believe the prayers of my loved ones were answered by giving me a strength that came only from God, allowing me to stand up to him and give him those three choices after he slapped our child. How did I escape and repair my spirit? How did I find me again and become happy, strong, out-going, courageous, stand my ground, and know my own worth? I did it through the mercy, forgiveness, and love of God. I have spent hours in prayer and bible study. I have gone to Christian based counseling. I have shared my story with others. It has been a long road to recovery, but I know now I am a child of God and I am worth more than what those two individuals did to me. I will never settle again. Never settle for less than you are worth. You are worth more than all the rubies and diamonds in the world. You are His child. You are loved. You are beautiful. You are strong. You can. You will Survive.

    Dear reader, this story contains language of self-harm that some may find triggering or discomforting.

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  • “I really hope sharing my story will help others in one way or another and I can certainly say that it will help me be more open with my story.”

    Welcome to NO MORE Silence, Speak Your Truth.

    This is a space where survivors of trauma and abuse share their stories alongside supportive allies. These stories remind us that hope exists even in dark times. You are never alone in your experience. Healing is possible for everyone.

    What feels like the right place to start today?
    Message of Healing
    From a survivor
    🇰🇪

    TBH... i'm still trying to figure out

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  • Story
    From a survivor
    🇺🇸

    Living with an evil man who lived a double life....until I unpeeled it.

    My story is long and sad as most abusive relationship stories. I will start with a little background info. I was born to teenage parents (babies themselves) having babies. I was the middle child. My mother was 16 when she had me. My older sister was 1 year older which puts my mother at 15 with her birth. Well my parents got married and both parents worked hard and played hard. Babies raising babies. My father went to work and never missed a day of work. You could say the same for my mother. Well I was raised in one town with one home and we did have a family setting in a beautiful coastal town. You could say it didn't prepare me for the real world which is filled with so much darkness. I had alot of difficulties with my older sister who played alot of games with me while growing up. She was to pick me up from work as we shared the only car as teenagers and she would make me walk home from work in the dark alot. I got engaged early into going to college and married my first husband at 20. No I wasn't pregnant. I was head over in love with what I thought was everything to me. He was handsome and smart. Unfortunately when your husband is good looking other women notice too. In this case it was the older sister who I never got along with. This time it turned out very traumatic because in a small town with everyone knowing your business this older sister had a five year affair with my husband and even came up pregnant with his child while married herself at the time. This husband told me he married the wrong sister. I was in alot of emotional pain with this huge family drama which my mother who was Catholic wanted noone to know our family secret. My sister was having my husband's child and they had a 5 year affair. I was heartbroken, made to be silenced given this was my sister, and this was the beginning of me shutting down and taking the abuse. So you could say I was taking emotional abuse at this point. Abandonment soon came from my parents because I divorced that husband which my parents didn't want to happen for fear I would tell our deep dark family secret. Oh did I mention we were living in a small town and drinking was big in my family. Without getting counseling for this emotional time and traumatic event I moved away from my less than supportive family and found my second mistake. How could I top my sister having my husband's child but I did. I dated alittle and then a man at work asked me out. I was numb and not looking for any relationship. This man drank and that was familiar to my family settings. But I didn't know he had a dark side very dark past. I started dating him steady and within a year I was engaged again. I thought he was going to be everything I wanted and needed. Love, a happy home, beautiful family with children and trust! I got engaged in Date in Oct we were married. The following March we had twin girls. Well in Date 2 we went to Location and everything with my second husband was always a plan because he lived a double life one I didn't unpeel until the 25th year of being married. This marriage was filled with physical, emotional and verbal abuse. I told you I topped the first disaster. My second husband liked the fact I had no family around and that would allow him to live his double life he had. One using me as a cover wife with cover kids and the second which is revealed when we moved to State as a gang member trafficking drugs and women. I know unbelievable. I never knew I was married to a gang member but in Date we went to Location and that was my first meeting you could say with his double life as he would use me as he met with his drug connections. I had no idea. In State I caught him with Nationalityoften which turned out to be Cartel. I couldn't believe it but then I caught him drug trafficking and then I caught the women which he was trafficking as well. This double life comes with alot of dangers you see they drug the girls and this I also experienced. As I was unpeeling this whole side to a man I obviously didn't know he would beat me up as I was started to go to the proper authorities for help. I even told the local police my husband was trafficking drugs with Nationalityand I was scared. I was calling so many times for help. The authorities are not well trained with Domestic Violence, because when they called back on my same cell phone all that did was put me in more danger and I couldn't speak up for help because he was sitting 5 feet from me at the time. I was beat up for going to the police. He knew my every move and I was sure I was going to die. He said he would burn the house down. As he was trafficking girls underage at local High Schools he felt no fear. He said he had power and could do what ever he wanted. Bragging it was the oldest profession. You see these traffickers/pimps don't fear the outdated laws or even the police. They are making billions with this now. The FBI told me it's a huge problem and they can't stop it frm growing. The women, girls and young kids involved in this aren't going to take the stand against the gangs and cartel. That's crazy then comes the actually threats I endured after the beatings. I was being poisoned by my own husband which I could feel right away as I started to vomit and my cancer doctor said I had leukemia. I was given cancer as my spouse was bragging he could do. He said some people get cancer some are given cancer. These gang members have chemicals and toxins that are unthinkable. Now living in paradise I was running down the street for help after being choked out and noone would help. Why would they get involved too dangerous. I called 13 times for the police. The more trafficking I witnessed and pieced together the more my danger to myself increased. Now he said of I didn't leave then he could traffic me. His exact words were I was sitting on a million dollars. You see these pimps/ traffickers only look at women and girls average age is 12 as money. SO many are doing it in State it's crazy. I watched cars - ubers driving young girls around the neighborhood stopping and dropping girls off for the sex buyers either at their private residence or in a private residence used as a brothel. Oh yeah a year earlier I was going to the cancer doctor from work running home and changing my clothes before the appointment to see my bed remade and shower wet midday. I thought it was for an affair. He was having an affair which is why he was poisoning me but he was using our own home as a private residence brothel. Big business. Millions made for all involved. The woman coming out of my home spoke no english and she said she was a realtor and had shown my house that day. I caught her coming out of my own home. I thought she was the mistress. She was a sex worker meeting the John at my house using my bed. I told you it was worse much worse. But abuse is never good no matter what degree it is. I was so broken I moved from State to State with this same husband thinking I was saving my marriage from that affair. Not until State did I learn that wasn't an affair but a huge trafficking multistate Jeffrey Epstein situation and now my life was in real danger because I was piecing human trafficking, sex trafficking and drug trafficking together. I didn't know the correct words for all this until I found myself getting into my first safehouse. Yes my first one. One of five! I was saved by myself because my own husband started to pimp me after drugging me and I was feeling so sick everyday. I went to the doctors and told my new doctor my spouse was hurting me and I didn't know why except he had a girlfriend. I saw my husband driving a brand new car past our house within a month of us moving to State. No withdrawal from our joint checking. How did he buy the car? I started intense detective work. I found the 12 girls names encrypted on his cell phone, saw the addresses he was sending them too, saw ads for Plenty of fish, FB, Craigslist and such. Still I didn't understand this all. Trafficking ?? Why would a man in his 60's which is what my husband was have so much to do with 12 girls. OMG not until 6 months later when I was saved with a safehouse in State, SPARCC did I really understand what was happening all around me. The Cartel threats to my car and children. The gang retaliation to my 4 cars, 5 safehouses and 8 cell phones. So anyone who says sex trafficking is no big deal a harmless profession didn't know my story because for that volume of money they will kill you making it look like an accident. I've had more vandalism to my car which goes undocumented by the police. You know there were years of abuse to the young girls for Jeffrey Epstein getting away with it. I called 13 times for help. I was beat up. Choked out which I was told in State was a felony 10 years. Restraining Order denied in State. I detailed the trafficking in State and Sate and left to survive this horrific story which I couldn't believe I wasn't protected more. The take away from this is that powerful men are sex trafficking and human trafficking all across America without any legal problems. Just as my husband bragged he had power and could do what he wanted. I overheard my husband telling strange men in State what I looked like naked and my bedroom habits. Horrified I called him into the house which we just purchased together for our third Chapter! I asked him what was he doing ? He said my cancer was in my brain now and I didn't hear him right . Gaslighting! So cleaver I started to second guess everything I was seeing and hearing. My leukemia was in my blood and not in my brain. I started to record my own home and such because I needed to know I wasn't loosing my mind. He told me I was but I didn't think I was. Then I heard tapes with his voice - why isn't she dead yet ? I know Name but she isn't- I did do that. OMG his girlfriend was now down here in State and they wanted me dead. OMG I wasn't saving my married I was being eliminated. Oh my how does he have all these other assets. I was an profession so I needed to know how he aquirred the new car- Red Cadillac with his Girlfriend on his lap. State Plates License Plate Number FL. Well that was the beginning of unpeeling a huge trafficking gang situation which started in City, State 1, then too City, State 2, then down to City, State 3. OMG I saw the shell companied encrypted on my husband's cell phone. Then I saw the addresses and names of the sex workers. I already witnessed the worker coming out of my own home back in State. Then I was whirling with OMG momemts. Piecing together so much. My husband had 3 boats all which he had unexplained situations happening. OMG then I remembered he cut the deck of the boat which on TV said was for drug mule smugling activity. OMG. I was seeing it too in State as I followed my husband without his knowing. As I explained I thought I was trying to unpeel an affair but now it was worse so much. I was vomiting again in State like State and I knew at this point it was from my bath products which were moved within the shower area letting me know someone was harming me. Why did my husband move me toState along with his GF ? Why not just divorce me in State ? OMG I was to be dead by now. The Leukemia I have isn't by chance and I could see the girl fiend he had. SO my detective mode increased and now I knew he was a drug mule for Cartel but the young girls I saw him with at a local high school that I didn't know what it was. Not until the sex workers at the first safehouse told me what I was married too ! OMG I was seeing it right! I was right! I called for help told the police I needed help and noone really did anything. I was seeing srug, sex and human trafficking. Why didn't I piece this sooner I asked myself. So I looked hard at all the State activity there it was. My husband was leaving work on half days and trafficking women and drugs in City, State 2 and City, State 4. I turned on the family locator and saw the City, State 4 activity. OMG. I was right with the degree of danger and how could my restraining order be denied I told the courts how he was harming me! I saw my husband meeting teachers who aere part of the underground network offering up kids from their school. Big money big business in State. You know I told 5 detectives up and down the East Coast as I ran and tried to hide from the Cartel and Gang who were chasing me in Various States. I needed help real help. I was run off the road. Vandalism to 4 cars. 2 flat tires in two months. 8 Cell phones compromised. Forced from my only home I owned leaving me homeless to sleep in my car. After 2 college degrees and seeing trafficking up close I was left to hide and sleep in Walmart parking lots just to survive. Five years of torture as these gang members continue to make billions from wealthy sex buyers. Men in communities hiding in plain site. Teachers, Lawyers, Judges, Doctors, Businessmen, Politicians, and yes even men in authority positions like policemen. I witnessed a policeman as a John in my own home in State. They came hard after me all, Cartel, Gangs, and Sex buyers. Judge in State, County Name denied my RO. WTH. I thought no I prayed to die. Please GOD take me now. I went to college to tell the twins what I was trying to live with in State and survive it. They didn't believe me, why should they I couldn't believe it was real and as big as it was. The underage girls I caught living in my boat in State were about 16 years old. Average age in State is 12. I went into a safe house my first one and the sex workers who were there taking refuge from an angry pimp/trafficker told me all about my husband. These women told me because they were sick of me talking about his Girlfriend. They researched his name with their connections and came back to the safehouse and we went for a ride to a park to discuss what was happening. They said I was clueless married to a dangerous man who was a gang member, Big Fish - trafficking drugs and women. OMG. I knew as sad as that was it was true because I was seeing that too. I was piecing it together with the same results. OMG. Now what I asked. They said I would be dead soon. Trafficking is so big in State it's everywhere. I went into a safehouse but soon they came for my adult children just as the sex workers warned me was going to happen. I left by their advise and went back to the worst human being on the planet. The man I married who was living a double life as a horrific trafficker selling women and girls. OMG then came all the memories of the unanswered events thru out the marriage. We went to Location and my husband went to the box seats, now I see why he supplied the girls and such. OMG. He made millions just as he bragged he would in 1997 but I thought he was drunk again. That's why I was seeing cars, houses and so much near my husband around him etc. Wow how this crime isn't stopped it beyond me. Big Business and many many involved. Fake Realtors using houses as brothels too, House cleaning service in State which isn't really house cleaning but brothel service. All around my husband was his gang team. No cell usuage and they lived near each other. Clever. Very Organized. Well I tell my story so everyone understands human and sex trafficking isn't done by nice men just having sex. They will kill for this greed. 150 Billion. Human Trafficking should be on everyone's mind to stop because it leads to poisoning, drugging, raping, trafficking, murder, unexplained accidents to your car. Like the day I was to have the wrong size brakes put on my car but they were in the right size box! Yes I know crazy story but it's true and every person in America should be very upset about just sex which isn't what this is! It's selling people and slavery which after a short time these victims can't get out of the life. It's a one way road. The need for public awareness with trafficking is needed now because it's as bad as the television shows it to be and worse. My husband now my ex got the house in State and really he got the millions too because he's not in jail. These pimps/traffickers don't go to jail. The laws need reform and the men writing the laws are the ones involved or know of a buddy who's involved. As my ex husband bragged man cannot govern man. He made millions as he said he would and never went to jail. Big Fish from City, State ....WOW. Many more details I discovered with this huge multistate operation.

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    From a survivor
    🇺🇸

    Welcome to Florida.

    My name is Name I am a lifelonglocation 1and relocated to location 2 3 years ago. I never thought in my most horrific Nightmares that I would have a devastating story like this to tell. But now I do and this is my location 2 life. Welcome to location 2. The land of delusion. I have been trying to file a lawsuit for the following abuse and mental/psychological cruelty that has happened to me since relocating to this God forsaken state: -False Imprisonment -Medical Malpractice/Medical Negligence -Defamation of Character -Falsafying Records I have been trying to file these claims against Mental Institution Name in location 2. I have been working with Name 2 of Organization Name since last year regarding ordering a site inspection against this facility due to all the violations they committed that have gone unnoticed and undocumented from the inspection done by Agency Name Please see below for an outline of what has occurred: ========================== Date: Followed up on my rape kit done at the Rape Crisis Center Name a few weeks prior with the policewoman assigned to my case, Name 3. I went to the precinct to speak to her because I missed her call and they told me she was going to come to me later that day. Name 3 of the Name of Department came to my apartment later that day with 2 other policemen/women, bullied and forced me out of my home, Name 4 Acted me and sent me to Psych Ward Name via ambulance and restraints. I was told by all 3 police that Hospital Namewas going to examine me and look into why my stomach was so enlarged. I was kept at Psych Ward Name all night. No one examined me nor did the ask about my stomach issues or my vaginal soreness from being REPEATEDLY raped. I was then taken by ambulance in the middle of the night to Mental Institution Name 2. All of this was STRONGLY AGAINST MY WILL. Date 2: 1st day at Mental Institution Name 2: --Violently ill and throwing up nonstop from the medication, which they stated they had no record of the next day in their charts, I was then given a shot in the buttocks because I refused the medication that made me ill and then reacted terribly from the shot, jumping out of my skin for a straight 24 hours. --Complained of my vaginal soreness throughout my 2 week stay due to being repeatedly raped and no medicine was given to me for this, I was completely ignored. --Was unable to shower for days due to lack of towels --Badgered/Harrassed by another drunk patient who threw her dirty diaper in my room in the middle of the night and frightened me. When I complained to staff about this nothing was done. ---Changed my medication the first time with a new medication which caused my tongue to swell up, was unable to talk the entire day/evening. --Psychiatrist who was assigned to me decided to change my medication again throughout my 2 week stay which made me more anxious, feeling like I was going to have panic attacks. She then decided to give me an injection to treat skyzophrenia in my left arm. I am NOT SKYZOPHRENIC. My left arm blew up and was very achy. She wanted to keep me for an additional 4 days after that to give me the second injection so I then petitioned the court to be discharged with the help of the public defender, Public Defender. Public Defender never mentioned anything about the mandatory 72 hour hold for LegalActs, as I was already kept against my will for nearly 2 weeks before reaching out to him for assistance. I Learned that on the police report Name 3 stated false 911 calls. THIS IS A BLATANT LIE and the report was falsified. I followed up on a rape kit and responded to Name 3's call ONLY WHEN SHE CALLED ME. Date 3 Discharged from Mental Institution Name 2 I was traumatized for a week after being discharged. I was unable to drive or leave my house due to constant panic attacks. To this day I still baracade my front door with 3 dining room chairs due to lack of protection from the police, as my rapist is still at large. In addition to this, I was told the police threw out my Rape Case due to insufficient information. REGARDING THE INSPECTION FROM Agency Name: It was 7 months from point of complaint sent to the field office for them to inspect. We are no longer in COVID so this does not make sense why it took so long. I was held for 10 days with no hearing and no sign of voluntary admission. There is no evidence in the medical records that a petition was even requested per law. This is CLEARLY false imprisonment! I have been continually suffering from PTSD, Nightmares & Panic Attacks since this horrific incident has occurred. I am seeing a Psychiatrist and have been prescribed 3 psychotropic drugs to help assist in my suffering. I have already called 20Location 2 ATTORNEYS & 10 Location 1ATTORNEYS since last year to try and seek justice however no one is willing to take on my case. I have been walking around for nearly 3 years carrying all this pain of sexual and emotional trauma and there are days that destroy my peace so much that I get physically ill. I have several health issues that have developed since relocating to Location 2 and Doctors that are unable to cure me. I am grateful for the few people I have in my life who offer support and so happy yo have this platform to assist in my healing. Thank you for listening. ❤️

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  • Story
    From a survivor
    🇺🇸

    There is light at the end of the tunnel

    I had become accustomed to being called horrible names (fat, bitch, cunt, stupid,whore, hairy,pathetic, ugly) being screamed at, shoved, pushed, hair pulled, my wrist grabbed so hard that I think I have nerve damage. But the day he punched me, choked me and I thought I was going to die is when I had enough. It was the lowest scariest moment in my life. Before it got to that extreme I felt I had to tolerate the abuse what I then labeled bad behaviors because that’s what loving someone else was. I accepted it as part of his short comings and believed I was so mentally strong they did not affect me. I also believed I could change him if I just showed him I loved him enough. That I could heal his wounds. It was a lie I told myself not realizing how toxic that was. When someone that claims to love you and who you love treats you with such disrespect, it wounds even the strongest of us. Eventually, that love became hate for him and for myself. I carried so much shame too because I couldn't believe that I allowed him to treat me with such cruelty. I believed myself stupid and weak. I was vulnerable because I craved affection. I was codependent and did not know it. I was easy prey for a narcissist. After I left him a part of me was relieved but another part was so hurt and lost. I had days I felt like just crying and staying in bed, days going to work was almost impossible because I hated myself for everything specifically where I found myself at 27. I soon realized that what I thought was weak was actually the good in me. The understanding, emphatic and caring parts of me were not weakness, I was just giving that to someone that did not deserve it. Did not deserve me. I had to learn to heal by showing myself the compassion and love I gave him. I had to learn to love myself and I did. I realized I am strong and resilient and deserve to be happy. I found my joy to live and an inner strength I had no idea I possessed. To anyone that feels trapped in a cycle of abuse I say you are not alone and you are NOT crazy. I remember the first time I allowed myself to speak about all the abuse. It was to a therapist and I only seeked out therapy because I no longer recognized myself. I was either sad or angry and began suffering from anxiety. She said to me, I can't imagine how it feels to live with all those feelings and I remember crying. For the first time, I felt like my feelings mattered and I was not insane because I had been gaslighted and manipulated to the point I didn’t trust my feelings. Most of that hour I was balling and could not stop. It was like the flood gates opened and there was no closing them. I just had to wait for it to empty out. The pain I was holding in was indescribable. I just know I do not wish it to anyone. It was also the start of my healing. The last few years on my own have forced me to grow and really love myself. I can say today that I look back at that time and feel like this all happened to someone else. There are moments, triggers that remind me of the sad girl I once was but I am so much stronger now that they do not last. It took years to get here, and there is still work I got to do like learn to be vulnerable again but one thing I know for sure, I will NEVER go back to that version of me.

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  • “To anyone facing something similar, you are not alone. You are worth so much and are loved by so many. You are so much stronger than you realize.”

    “Healing is different for everyone, but for me it is listening to myself...I make sure to take some time out of each week to put me first and practice self-care.”

    “Healing to me means that all these things that happened don’t have to define me.”

    Message of Healing
    From a survivor
    🇺🇸

    Healing to me pinnacled once I climbed out of the hole I found myself in

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  • “Healing means forgiving myself for all the things I may have gotten wrong in the moment.”

    Story
    From a survivor
    🇺🇸

    #1149

    I am going to share my story of abuse through my victim impact statement written for the 1/9 violation on my order for protection that he was charged for. My name is NameI met Name 2 on Date. I fell in love with him easily and quickly, he paid attention to things that I struggled with or lacked and swept me off my feet. This was all part of his process, the extreme love bombing. The abuse started almost immediately. He accused me of cheating on him. He told me I was not to talk to my ex husband and co parent because that was me wanting to be with my ex and eventually the abuse became physical as well. I soon found out Name 2was hiring prostitutes, doing cocaine and drinking alcohol most every day. The control started small, little accusations, expectations of read notifications on texts and location sharing, things I didn’t mind because I never had anything to hide. He used them to his advantage so I wouldn’t catch him and what he was doing and I was so swept into the image he wanted me to see and believe, that I missed the signs of abuse. It wasn’t till a year and a half into the relationship that I found out his control was a way to keep me in the dark about his own life, yet I forgave him and gave him another chance with the declarations of love and apologies. But then the abuse became worse, he tracked how much shaving cream I would use; he yelled and screamed at me and verbally abused me; he frequently pushed me and even pushed me down the stairs onto the basement concrete; he locked me out of the house with nothing and nowhere to go, etc. I moved in with him because it seemed the only way I would know if he was being faithful. Obviously I was wrong because that man has never been faithful one day in his life to anyone. He became so over bearing and he accused me of all kinds of things. I was fired from a previous employer for recording my meetings because I did not know how else to prove to him I was not cheating on him. Name 2told me his issues began early on with abuse from his birth mother and watching her do drugs and selling her body (his sister was raped so I am assuming he was as well), to then moving in with his father and watching him physically, mentally and emotionally abuse his step mother, himself and his brother and alcohol. Name 2began drinking at the mere age of 8, smoking shortly thereafter, the cocaine use began around age 20 and the use of prostitutes to the best of my knowledge started around age 36. He told me he drove his father home drunk before he was even old enough to have a permit. He can drink over 36 beers and still drive his car straight, he drinks everyday., I was a witness to it. His relationship with his family is toxic and strained- he holds his children as bait over his parents to make them do what he wants or they cannot see them. He threatens to hit his dad. Once when I was with him at his parents home in Location he drove over their fence, destroying it. On the ride home that night he told me that one of the two of us was going to die. There is honestly nothing good to say about Name 2 he evades taxes, doesn’t pay for his possessions and has had 2/3 of his vehicle repossessed in the last 5 months, abuses his family, friends, girlfriends and children, he steals, lies and cheats and is a drain on everyone he meets and society itself. Though, this is about my Order for Protection and the violations and why I am terrified of Name 2 and why I never want him to see me or my children ever again. When I became pregnant, with a pregnancy we planned together might I add, his violence, drinking and abuse multiplied ten fold. As you can see in my order for protection he attempted to kill my then unborn son multiple times each time stating he didn’t care if the baby lived or died. He pushed me, strangled me, hit me in the face with a phone and knocked me unconscious, he would call me terrible awful names, hit me and take my phone to prevent me from calling the police for help. It is a miracle that my baby and I are even alive to tell this tale and ask for Name 2to finally see consequences for his actions. Though Name 3 lived, he did not come out unscathed from the abuse he endured while in utero, Name 3 has kidney issues due to Name 2'scocaine use (as cocaine attaches itself to semen and causes birth defects) and the mental, emotional and physical abuse I endured while pregnant with him. It is still unknown if his kidney will heal or if he will need surgery. I filed my order for protection because Name 2had me lie through my teeth with promises of change and love and how he would go to treatment and be the man I deserved for our family in order to get the Danco dropped that the state filed when I called the police on him on Date 2 I also wanted to ensure that my order for protection included Jaxton. As Name 2tried to kill him many times while I was pregnant with him and though the Danco was altered to allow him at the birth he couldn’t stay sober or straight long enough to be there for me and the baby when he was “needed”. After Name 3 was born he called his ears funny looking, asked why he had a birth mark on his face- said he’ll never get laid with that, punched himself in the head to show dominance over me while holding him and when I told him to give Name 3 back to me he pushed me backwards into a patio door. Neither one of us was safe anywhere near him and I thank you for granting our Order for Protection. Now I ask that you punish him for violating it. I am not the first woman he has abused, stolen from, cheated on and ruined emotionally and mentally and I will not be the last. I live my life everyday in fear of him, I see black Tahoes and have panic attacks and attend therapy weekly. This “man” should be charged with attempted murder and actually face the ramifications for his actions. He has 2 older children that are hurting so incredibly bad and are angry and scared of him and do not know how to react or behave with what they are dealing with and now he his living with a new woman already and she has a riddled past with drug convictions and has a 3 year old living with them. He gets more and more violent with every relationship, in mine he attempted to kill my unborn child, what will he do in this one? Actually kill her? And if you follow the pattern that he has experienced in all his years abusing women he will only feel more invincible to do whatever he wants. I filed my order for protection for peace of mind and though you the prosecutor could go after him for MULTIPLE violations they are only seeking one. I am pleading with you to see the evidence that he knowingly violated not once, but multiple times! Even asking in a different violation for me not to call the police. This “man” has never seen consequences for his actions and thus had not changed a thing. This is also not the first OFP for Domestic Violence against Name 2 I ask that you give him with the utmost charge of jail time. There he needs to seek therapy, anger management and rehabilitation for all his addictions. I also ask that he be charged with all of these violations to do so and that if you do place a new DANCO that it include my son Name 3to protect us both. I was strangled multiple times in this relationship and kept from calling the police or for help. Strangulation is a felony conviction all on it’s own and preventing me for calling for help is a misdemeanor that can carry up to one year in jail. I have a recording of him taking my phone and not allowing me to call for help and also admitting to hitting me. This “man” needs to face real repercussions and consequences for his actions and all of his victims deserve peace of mind and a good nights sleep knowing he’s where he belongs- in jail. Help me keep not only myself safe but my child as well. Thank you.

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  • Healing is not linear. It is different for everyone. It is important that we stay patient with ourselves when setbacks occur in our process. Forgive yourself for everything that may go wrong along the way.

    “It’s always okay to reach out for help”

    Story
    From a survivor
    🇦🇹

    #1113

    I was in an abusive relationship for 12 years. I met him when I was fourteen and we came together when I was fifteen. He was nice and lovely and I fell in love with him. I never thought that he could have a dark side. After a few month I began to realize, that there is something inside him. When we had our first fight, he screamed with me and I had so much fear. He apologized and I forgived him. But: It didn‘t stopped. He was verbal abusive. He said that I am a whore. He made me feeling small and like I am the worst person in the world. He said, that I am a psycho. He said I am a joke. He said I am nothing. He said, that he has to talk and scream with me like this, because I don‘t understand his points otherwise. He began to destroy things like my watch or a necklace. The walls had holes and he often grabbed me at my shoulders very hard when he got angry. When I cried, he became angrier at all. I locked myself in the toilet because I had so much fear of him. He also pushed me at the asphalt when he was drunk sometimes. I had bruises. One time he choked me. I never told anybody what happend, because I always forgived him and felt so fucking guilty. I tried to left him, but he always said, that he will kill himself, when I go. I went to therapy but even there I was so ashamed, that I didn‘t talk about the abuse. After two years of therapy I got stronger and stronger. I was ready to talk to somebody about the things that happend to me and that I want to leave him. Suddenly I felt free and was ready to go. He always said, that he loves me and that I am the love of his life. It never was love. I realized that I was in an abusive relationship. There were verbal, emotional and physical abuse. I didn't imagine any of it. I wasn't crazy. Whoever is reading this and is in a similar situation: You are strong! You are intelligent! You are beautiful! You are a good person! You can trust yourself! You can talk to someone! You can do this! You can leave him! You are a wonderful human being! I love you all out there and send you hugs. We have to share our stories and we are allowed to share them. Together we can change something.

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  • “You are not broken; you are not disgusting or unworthy; you are not unlovable; you are wonderful, strong, and worthy.”

    “I really hope sharing my story will help others in one way or another and I can certainly say that it will help me be more open with my story.”

    Message of Hope
    From a survivor
    🇺🇸

    Every day is a new day, and a new chance to make yourself better.

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  • Story
    From a survivor
    🇨🇦

    #1122

    I grew up with an alcoholic, violent father and a mother who, to this day, can’t even remember most of the things he did. Eventually, my brother turned into an even worse version and was also abusive towards me, he even beat my ex boyfriend and was extremely jealous and overprotective of me when it came to guys who would try to approach me, I started feeling that having a boyfriend and falling in love was a “bad thing”. Eventually I started a relationship with a guy who lived in a different country, he seemed perfect but my mom was for some reason concerned. I ended up moving to his country and we got married, after we got married his behavior changed completely. I felt like I was basically living under his roof and like he was living like a single guy. He was doing drugs behind my back, he was cheating a verbally abusive. I would try to confront him about the things he was doing and he made me feel like I was the crazy person, he would also call my parents and sister to tell them I was very immature. He knew I would never tell them everything he was doing to me, and I felt like I didnt have anybody to talk to about what was really happening. One day he forced me on the floor, I can literally still fell the texture of the carpet against my chin. He would travel a lot, so one day I just packed my bags and left him. He eventually filed for divorce and I was served on valentine’s day at work in front of my team. It took me a week to read the papers, for some reason I just couldn’t. The papers stated I made him marry me because I wanted the residency and he was also trying to take my dog from me, my dog is my biggest support and he obviously knew that. It took years for the divorce to finalize. Everything started back in 2018, I still struggle. I haven’t been able to start a new relationship and I am sabotaging myself with everything, including my professional life and that was the one thing I was really great at. For the first time I realize that I need to find my support system, that there is hope. I don’t when I’m going to stop blaming myself and punishing myself for my decisions, but I am eager to do the work to get there. To start putting myself first. I have Justin Baldoni to thank for. Thank you for spreading awareness. Thank you for being brave enough to share your stories. We are all worthy of a healthy love.

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  • Story
    From a survivor
    🇨🇦

    I didn’t imagine it - I survived it.

    I’m 56 years old and have spent most of my life trying to understand what happened to me growing up — not just what was done, but what was allowed. My mother didn’t hit me. Her weapons were colder: control, shame, silent punishments, and subtle emotional games that left no visible marks. She taught me love was conditional. If I pleased her, I got slivers of approval. If I spoke out, I was punished or exiled. Even joy was rationed — too much of it and she’d find a way to ruin it. Her moods ruled the house. Everyone learned to tiptoe. She told others she was doing her best. She played the victim so well — struggling mom, too burdened to care. But at home, it was all about control. She’d withhold affection, twist your words, cry on command, and convince you that you were the problem. I internalized all of it. I grew up believing I was unworthy, difficult, broken. Worse, she brought a man into our lives who raped me. I now know she saw things. I remember moments — things she would have had to notice, hear, sense. But she chose silence. Whether out of denial or protection for herself, she turned away. That betrayal has been harder to heal than the abuse itself. Because the person who was supposed to protect me not only failed to — she facilitated the harm. When I became a mother myself, I tried to do better — to break the cycle — but the damage was already seeded. It affected how I parented, how I loved, how I trusted. It fractured parts of me that I’m still putting back together. Even now, my mother continues to manipulate and control. She paints herself as a caretaker, but she makes dangerous decisions. She isolates her dying partner from his loved ones and undermines his medical needs. She is still trying to rewrite the story. Still trying to erase mine. But I won’t let her. I’m writing this because I need it spoken somewhere outside of me. I need to reclaim the truth: I was there. I didn’t imagine it. And it wasn’t my fault. To anyone reading who is still doubting their memory or blaming themselves — I see you. You’re not crazy. You’re not alone. And what happened to you mattered. I survived her. I am still here. And I am no longer silent.

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  • Message of Hope
    From a survivor
    🇺🇸

    If I could get out leave and make it so can you!

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  • Story
    From a survivor
    🇺🇸

    Name's Story

    At 19 years old and away from home for the first time…I thought I was in love. I married someone I barely knew. I met him at Military Training, and we got stationed in the same city. I wanted a wedding, but he did not so we ended up at the Justice of the Peace. This was one of the first of many things I did to compromise. Shortly after we were married, his true colors started showing. Slowly, I was isolated, moved away from all my friends and family. I could not do anything right. Everything was my fault. No matter how hard I tried it was never good enough. He forced me to watch pornography and forced me to do things sexually that I had not consented to. Yes, a spouse can rape their spouse. I was called all sorts of names, mocked, belittled, insulted, and worse. It was mostly behind closed doors; however, some was done in public. We would only hang out with my friends and family when he wanted to put on a show. At one point he moved his “friend” in with us because she had nowhere to go. After being diagnosed with an STD, I learned she was one of many women that he cheated on me with. She was his mistress in every sense of the word. At some point I lost who I was and began to think I was exactly who he said I was…worthless, ugly, and nothing. I was living in a fog. I could not make sense of my feelings or thoughts. I had no idea what to do to make him happy because no matter how much I tried to do what I thought he said he wanted it was never right. I attempted suicide which surprised my family, friends, and co-workers because I had never said a word. I had been able to put on a smile and always help others during the workday. No one knew the verbal, emotional or sexual abuse I endured at home. After my suicide attempt my family, and the few friends that still stood by me tried to get me to leave. I refused to leave. I was insistent that could make my marriage work. If I only tried harder. If I were only the person, he wanted me to be. Then, out of the blue, he was arrested, court-martialed, and sent to military prison (on matters unrelated to the marriage). I still tried to make things work. I would go visit him in jail, take care of our home, pay the bills, and try to be a “good wife”. One day he called asking for things he wanted. When I told him that I had not bought the requested items because I was looking for a part-time job to pay the bills (we had mounds of debt thanks to him), he called me “undependable”. It was in that moment I finally realized I deserved more. I yelled into the phone “You’re right; I’m undependable!” and hung up the phone. I then took off my engagement and wedding rings and proceeded to throw them across the living room into the kitchen where they came to rest under the washer and dryer. The next day I contacted a lawyer and within a few weeks we were divorced. We had been married for one year and four months and had known each other for one year and nine months. In less than two years this man had broken me to the point that I no longer knew who I was and kept me from making new friends at my duty assignment. The only friends I had at this point were some old friends from high school that I did not see often but they refused to be pushed away. His actions caused me to spiral into a pit of depression so severe that I thought the only answer (or way out) was to take my own life. Throughout my first marriage, I had a friend who told my first ex-husband to back off and that he was going to stay my friend no matter what. He kept his word and continued to always be there for me during my marriage. When I told him, I was getting divorced, he took leave and came to stay with me for a week so he could be in the courtroom with me during the divorce hearing. 2 years and 7 months later this friend and I were married. Like my first husband, I also met him at military training. Our whole relationship had been long distance except for the few months at military training and that one week during my divorce. We spent the first year of marriage apart waiting for the military to station us together. We got pregnant the first weekend we were finally living together. Once we were living together, his true personality quickly emerged. He was always on the computer due to video games and/or pornography. He could not be bothered to help if he was on the computer. He would yell when he was not happy. I called to say I was in premature labor with our child and he did not come to the hospital. Once the baby arrived, I would ask for help, but he could not be bothered because he was busy. As time went on, the yelling, silent treatment, name calling, not helping around the house, and just ignoring me only seemed to get worse. Then he got deployed. I discovered he was having at minimum one online affair and saying all sorts of hateful and nasty things about me. I confronted him, and he acted like it was not a big deal. I felt differently. It was a big deal to me, so I left. I filed for a divorce. He spent months sweet talking me until I foolishly took him back. At this point we were now both out of the military. We bought a house, and he went to school. I worked full-time, tried to go school, and took care of the house and our child. He still seldom helped with anything. I had to pay for childcare because our child bothered him while he was doing his schoolwork. The name calling, silent treatments and ignoring only got worse. I noticed he was punishing our child in ways that were not appropriate for a toddler and expecting things beyond a toddler’s capability. I started having panic attacks when I pulled into the garage after work because I did not know which personality I was going to meet when I walked in the house: Mr. Happy or Mr. Angry. His behavior after we moved in together did not match the behavior of the friend who was there for me during my first marriage; he had changed – or had he? He stopped telling me how much he loved me and how much he needed me and proceeded to tear me down or not talk to me at all. I had reached that all too familiar point where I was again in a fog and not sure what to do because everything, I did was wrong…unless he wanted something. I felt like I was walking on eggshells at home all the time. I remember he said something to me at a store one day and a woman made eye contact with me…her look said, “Honey, just say the word and I will help you escape”. I just quickly looked away. The final straw was coming home from work one day and finding my usually very active child sitting very still on the couch. When I asked what was wrong, my child said, “Daddy slapped across both cheeks for playing in some mud with the dog.” I confronted him and told him he had three choices: get help, leave or I was calling the police. He chose to leave and blame me for making him “poor and homeless”. Seven months after we separated, we were divorced. We had been married for eight years and ten months. We had known each other for ten years and seven months. He had gone from being one of my best friends to a total stranger who left me feeling even more empty and broken than my first husband had. It is hard to put into words the slow way both individuals managed to tear me down to nothing, to the point that I felt like I had nothing left to live for. Unlike my first marriage, the second time it was not just me. I had to protect my child. Both used verbal and emotional abuse to slowly control me and make me feel like nothing, make me question my sanity, and make me believe I was a complete idiot and loser. One of them used sex as a weapon for his pleasure and another withheld touch of any kind knowing that it is one of my Love Languages. Both could be kind when it suited them to make them look good or to get what they wanted. Thanks to both of these individuals I now know gaslighting, love bombing, flying monkeys, triangulation, projection, threats (both threatened to kill me), trauma-bonding and more are all part of a Narcissist’s play book. It was not me who was crazy or not worthy. They used these tools to get what they wanted and then tossed me to the side when I was no longer needed. Now that I know what these actions and terms mean I have been able to educate myself on how to recognize the signs, heal from the trauma and reach a point where I am able to share my story of survival. I had no idea who I was, what I liked, how to live a happy life or how to be strong. I could put on a good show for the outside world, or so I thought. I have since learned that my family and close friends could tell things were wrong. They were praying for me and standing close for when I finally reached out for help. When I look back over both marriages, I see God’s hand in them, and I know that it is because of Him that I am still here to tell my story. My first ex-husband walked in on me with the pills in hand and a razor blade at my wrist. For all the bad he did God used him to save my life by having him walk-in at that exact moment. He reported me to the military thinking it would get me in trouble but instead it saved my career and my life. His going to jail allowed me to get away. During my second marriage I can honestly say that the only reason I was able to get away is truly a miracle. I believe the prayers of my loved ones were answered by giving me a strength that came only from God, allowing me to stand up to him and give him those three choices after he slapped our child. How did I escape and repair my spirit? How did I find me again and become happy, strong, out-going, courageous, stand my ground, and know my own worth? I did it through the mercy, forgiveness, and love of God. I have spent hours in prayer and bible study. I have gone to Christian based counseling. I have shared my story with others. It has been a long road to recovery, but I know now I am a child of God and I am worth more than what those two individuals did to me. I will never settle again. Never settle for less than you are worth. You are worth more than all the rubies and diamonds in the world. You are His child. You are loved. You are beautiful. You are strong. You can. You will Survive.

    Dear reader, this story contains language of self-harm that some may find triggering or discomforting.

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    Grounding activity

    Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

    5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

    4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

    3 – things you can hear

    2 – things you can smell

    1 – thing you like about yourself.

    Take a deep breath to end.

    From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

    Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

    Take a deep breath to end.

    Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

    1. Where am I?

    2. What day of the week is today?

    3. What is today’s date?

    4. What is the current month?

    5. What is the current year?

    6. How old am I?

    7. What season is it?

    Take a deep breath to end.

    Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

    Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

    Take a deep breath to end.

    Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

    Take a deep breath to end.