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#1108
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サバイバーへのメッセージ
There is hope at the end of the tunnel. I stand by you, I hear you and I see you. You deserve freedom and happiness.
いやしのメッセージ
Healing is not linear. It’s one thing I learned that’s really helped me to easy on myself, specially on the bad days when I get triggered. Healing is a frustrating, beautiful thing. It’s not one straight line. It’s been 5 years for me since I ended my abusive relationship and to this day I still get triggered by things that remind me of him. But in those times where I am hard on myself saying “why am I getting triggered it’s been so long now” and I take that back saying “it’s okay, healing is linear, you’re doing the best you can”
I was 17, he was 26. It was my first boyfriend and I was head over heels excited that I had my first boyfriend and that he was older. First year felt normal and I felt so happy. After I turned 18 there was a big shift. The following years were filled with coercion, manipulation and grooming. He hurt me for the first time while my friend was sleeping next to us at a house party. I had to stay silent while I was wincing in pain. When we got back home that night he hit even worse and it hurt to walk the next day. He cried and said it was my fault and said I made him do that. Manipulation continued, coercion got worse with threats like not letting me back into his apartment till I gave him what he wanted, another time he punched me in the arm out of anger and gaslighted me into thinking he never punched me after a bruise was visible. 4 years into the relationship, I always say to myself now it’s like a lightbulb turned on in my brain and told me this isn’t right I need to leave, I could have a better life than this. So I did, I opened up to those around me and found support in them. It was hard, I still had emotions to let go of and he tried so hard to keep me around by being extra sweet with me, but to this day I am so happy I didn’t fall for it again. Memories of him still haunt me, but I remember I am free now. People always ask DV survivors “well why didn’t you just leave?” It’s more than that. Once you’re in that cycle of abuse it’s hard to get out of. I pray to everyone experiencing this one day too has a lightbulb turn on in their head. I see you, i hear you and i wish you all the freedom
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