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Historia de un superviviente
#735
Una semana después
Mensaje para un superviviente
If you are an adult who was hit at any time in your childhood - recognize that they believed they were doing so out of love and a desire for you to ‘learn’. They did not realize they were teaching you to believe that you deserve violence committed on your body. They did not realize they were teaching you to consider hitting another person as an act of love (they may have even said, ‘I hit you because I love you’). Forgive them their acquiescence to a cultural error. Forgive your parents. If you hit your kids, stop it. Explain to them that you will no longer assault their bodies. Know that they have come to experience the violence you commit on them as the most immediate and intense form of your love. They will indeed, ‘Ask for it’ with behavior that has resulted in violent attention previously because you have set that up. It will not be easy - just as it is not easy for adults who were hit to recognize the violence as an error..
My story # 735 appears to be severely edited as to be almost incomprehensible. My point was: a parent who strikes a child (at any time and for any reason and in any manner - hitting is hitting) is teaching that child that violence has a loving impulse (‘I hit you because I love you.’ ‘I hit you to teach you.’ ‘I hit you as a consequence/you deserved it’.). That parent has added violence to a child’s vocabulary of loving behavior. How is it that we think we can convince the violent adult or the adult who accepts violence done to them that domestic violence is wrong when we have supported the idea that violence teaches, can be deserved, is a consequence, and is an example of how human beings love/are loved?????? Please, demand of every organization that claims to support victims of domestic violence that they clearly state in ALL THEIR LITERATURE that striking a child at any time and for any reason IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. Any and all hitting is abusive. Thank you.
Historia original
I was hit as a child. I know what a reader of this post expects me to do next is add examples of what could be called ‘extreme’ violence or ‘abuse’. Most people do not equate a ‘pop’ or ‘whapp’ or ‘cuff’ or ‘slap’ or ‘spank’ with domestic violence. We should. For many of us, that first slap from a parent who believes they are committing an act of love...that they are teaching me...that the slap was a ‘consequence’ - was all we needed to find, amongst a definition of loving acts, an understanding of how a person learns, understanding of what is meant by the word ‘consequence’ is physical violence. A good many of us here were struck as children. A good many of those we identify as our assailants were hit as children. I was hit by my adult partner. Blood pouring out of my nose and onto the front of my shirt that third time motivated me to put my hand in the blood and rub it on the front of his shirt and , then, leave. THIRD TIME. We MUST stop accepting adult on child violence.
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