ここは、トラウマや虐待の被害者が、支えてくれる仲間と共に自身の体験を共有する場です。これらの体験談は、暗い時期であっても希望があることを私たちに思い出させてくれます。あなたは決して一人ではありません。誰にでも癒しは可能です。
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From one survivor to another, you are so strong. You were strong during, and you are strong after, that has not changed. I’m proud of you for being able to leave because that is never easy, and even if the healing isn’t easy, please keep looking forward, don’t look back.
Healing has been incredibly hard for me. I keep thinking “was all my pain for nothing?” It comes up again and again, and sometimes it feels like I can’t escape from it. But learning what behavior is normal from the good men in my life has been revolutionary. Learning that I’m so strong by myself has been incredible. I’ve fought so hard to escape from the cycle of abuse and I’m so proud of myself for that. And more than anything, healing has come from my resolution to use my story for the good of others. My pain will not be for nothing.
I thought he was the most perfect guy in the world. He was romantic, smart, funny, loving, kind, everything I had ever wanted in a guy. When things started to shift, I deeply believed it was my responsibility as his girlfriend to comfort him, take care of him, fix him. But as the breakdowns became more consistent, as he became more violent, as the words grew heavier and more hurtful, I was left feeling drained. My belief that I was supposed to stick by his side no matter what, that love was forgiving and forgetting, destroyed me. He was broken, and it was selfish to leave him. He didn’t mean it, he apologized eventually, he comforted me when he hurt me, so it was okay. But if I could go back in time, I’d scream “leave now, save yourself.” Because these excuses I was making were just that. Excuses. It was not normal. It was not okay. No excuses could be made to make his behavior normal. I just want everyone out there to know that it is not your fault. You are not weak. You are not stupid for not seeing it sooner. You were in love with someone who only showed you a small aspect of themselves, and then revealed the rest when you were already in too deep. One time is enough. It wasn’t an accident the first time, and it won’t be an accident the next. The recovery process is hard. But it’s so worth it. And you are worth so much more than what he declares over you. Please know that you are not alone. I’m rooting for you and I know others are too.
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