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#796
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I would tell other survivors that they are loved and to receive that and to love themselves. I would also tell them that their story isn't over it is only beginning, they are now in charge and get to choose how it will continue. It is not their fault.
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I am still in my journey towards healing as it is a process. I have some good days and some bad. God has really kept me as there were times when I couldn't see the future, I didn't want to live. I no longer feel that way and I am navigating towards a new beginning and a fresh start. I have been inspired to tell my story. Initially I couldn't speak about it due to the shame of it but it no longer has that power over me. My community within the church has been a helpful resource. My relationship with God has truly been my strength. There were times when there was nothing that anyone could say to me because the pain felt so unbearable but when I prayed and talked to God he made me feel that I was safe and that I would be okay.
My ex was a mechanic. I was having car trouble and he fixed my car. What initially attracted me to him was that he was hard working and he was very bold. The abuse began when I was about 5 or 6 months pregnant with our first child together. Initially it was only physical abuse, it later turned into verbal, emotional, and sexual abuse. When one of my children came to me and disclosed that he had been molesting them. I didn't love myself enough but my children mean the world to me. Leaving for my children was easy as I could not allow them to be hurt. I called law enforcement and he was arrested. This is what gave me the courage to speak up about the things that I had endured. I was abandoned by all of my friends and family after they expressed to me how they felt I was to blame and didn't feel sorry for me at all. I also blamed myself for not loving myself enough to leave. I was treated horribly and not viewed as a victim at all. It was very hard to navigate this trauma on my own. But I am still here by the grace of God.
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