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#1113
9 月後
I've reached a point in my life where I realize that all the things I've been through will always be a part of my life and my story. It often makes me sad and I feel very lonely. I've also realized that everything that happened to me regarding sex hurts so much that, a year after my breakup, the memories are slowly coming back in waves. I forgive myself, but there are dark moments in my life when I hate myself so much. That I wasn't strong enough to maintain my boundaries. I'm also often afraid now that men will no longer be interested in me once they find out about my story. I know this update isn't really powerful, but I need to share it with people who might understand how I feel. I wish you all the best and send you lots of hugs!
オリジナルストーリー
サバイバーへのメッセージ
I love you all out there! You are not alone! You are strong! The abuse is not your fault!
いやしのメッセージ
Healing is to forgive yourself. Healing is to realize, that the abuse wasn‘t your fault at all. You are wonderful and nobody is allowed to treat you like shit.
I was in an abusive relationship for 12 years. I met him when I was fourteen and we came together when I was fifteen. He was nice and lovely and I fell in love with him. I never thought that he could have a dark side. After a few month I began to realize, that there is something inside him. When we had our first fight, he screamed with me and I had so much fear. He apologized and I forgived him. But: It didn‘t stopped. He was verbal abusive. He said that I am a whore. He made me feeling small and like I am the worst person in the world. He said, that I am a psycho. He said I am a joke. He said I am nothing. He said, that he has to talk and scream with me like this, because I don‘t understand his points otherwise. He began to destroy things like my watch or a necklace. The walls had holes and he often grabbed me at my shoulders very hard when he got angry. When I cried, he became angrier at all. I locked myself in the toilet because I had so much fear of him. He also pushed me at the asphalt when he was drunk sometimes. I had bruises. One time he choked me. I never told anybody what happend, because I always forgived him and felt so fucking guilty. I tried to left him, but he always said, that he will kill himself, when I go. I went to therapy but even there I was so ashamed, that I didn‘t talk about the abuse. After two years of therapy I got stronger and stronger. I was ready to talk to somebody about the things that happend to me and that I want to leave him. Suddenly I felt free and was ready to go. He always said, that he loves me and that I am the love of his life. It never was love. I realized that I was in an abusive relationship. There were verbal, emotional and physical abuse. I didn't imagine any of it. I wasn't crazy. Whoever is reading this and is in a similar situation: You are strong! You are intelligent! You are beautiful! You are a good person! You can trust yourself! You can talk to someone! You can do this! You can leave him! You are a wonderful human being! I love you all out there and send you hugs. We have to share our stories and we are allowed to share them. Together we can change something.
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