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You may feel like no one understands, especially if your abuser hides behind the mask of being the "nice guy." But please know this—you are not alone. You are enough, and you deserve so much more than the pain and doubt you’ve been carrying. For me, it started with a single phrase from a friend: "You look like you’re walking on eggshells." That one sentence led me to a Google search that changed everything I thought I knew about my life. It opened my eyes to the truth I had been avoiding and set me on a path to healing. If you feel lost or unsure, take that first step, even if it’s small. There is hope, there is freedom, and there is a brighter future waiting for you. You are stronger than you realize.
What Healing Means to Me Healing is a process—one without a timeline or expiration date. You can’t mark a date on the calendar and say, “I’ll be healed by then.” It’s not linear or predictable. It’s messy, complicated, and deeply personal. For me, healing has been about taking small, consistent steps toward reclaiming my life. Many things have helped along the way. I journaled to give my emotions a voice when I couldn’t say them out loud. I researched to understand what I was going through because knowledge brought clarity. I sought out others who understood—people who could say, “I see you, and you’re not alone.” But the most important part of my journey has been learning to like myself. And honestly, that’s still a work in progress. For so long, I let others define my worth, but I’ve started to see that I am enough, just as I am. I’ve also learned how to be alone, not in a lonely way, but in a way that gives me peace. Happiness isn’t something that comes from other people or circumstances—it’s something I’ve found within myself. Knowing that I am free to make my own choices now, that I can chart my own path, has been a cornerstone of my healing. Even better, knowing I can use my story to help others makes this journey all the more meaningful. I am better. I am good. I am motivated. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still have hard days. Sometimes, something—a sound, a memory, a random trigger—takes me back. For a fleeting second, I feel that old fear, the terror that he’s back to finish what he started that night with the gun. But then I remind myself: I am safe. I am okay. Healing isn’t about erasing the past; it’s about learning to live with it in a way that no longer defines you. It’s a process—ongoing, imperfect, and uniquely mine. And every day, I take another step forward.
For years, I thought I had escaped the horrors of my childhood. My father’s overt abuse was a storm—loud, angry, impossible to ignore. So when I met him—the man who seemed so different—I thought I had finally found safety. He wasn’t my father. He didn’t yell or scream or raise a hand every other day. At first, he was kind, charming even. I thought everything was great. But over time, the cracks started to show. The cold, distant days where I felt like an inconvenience. The subtle digs and underhanded comments that weren’t enough to call mistreatment but were just enough to make me doubt myself. I’d lie awake at night, crying, unable to understand why I felt so anxious and stressed. I told myself it wasn’t that bad. After all, he wasn’t my father. Yet, deep down, I knew. I knew he could hurt me if I ever pushed too far, and that fear controlled me. As the years passed, the emotional manipulation evolved into something far darker. What started as control turned into sexual abuse. At first, I didn’t see it for what it was—maybe I didn’t want to see it. I clung to the idea that things would get better, that I could fix it, that it wasn’t as bad as it felt. But the progression was undeniable. I couldn’t look away anymore. By the time it ended, I found myself at a police station, hoping for justice, for someone to finally stand up for me. But nothing was done. Nothing. I left that station with no real resolution, but I did leave. That was the day I decided to start over. Healing wasn’t immediate. It’s still day by day. But now I get to choose what my days look like. I am no longer silent. I am no longer hiding. The mask I wore for years is gone, and I speak openly about what I endured, not because it’s easy, but because someone needs to hear it. Someone out there needs to know that they’re not alone, that their perfect-looking marriage may not be so perfect, and that they deserve better. I poured my story into a book, Book Title. It’s not just a story about abuse; it’s a call to recognize the subtle signs, to question the system that so often fails victims, and to challenge the way society dismisses our pain. I know how hard it is to rise, but I also know it’s possible. If you’re in that darkness, know this: you can rise too. Healing isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. And every day, you have the power to choose a better life. Because still, I rise. And so can you.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.