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Survivor story
Name(the name my mother never liked)
Original story
Message to a Survivor
Hope means whatever you want it to, no one gets to define it but you. For me, hope is knowing that I’m more than what happened to me, and I’m accomplishing more than my abuser ever will. Hope was moving out of the country and creating a family that would never intentionally hurt me. Hope is the idea that one day I’ll have babies who will never know the force of a parent’s fist.
Message of Healing
I healed through forgiveness. It wasn’t for my abuser, but for myself. I forgave my mother, a scared child with no opportunities to grow higher. I forgave the teenage girl who gave birth to me, and only knew how to discipline in the same way she’d grown up. And most importantly, I forgave myself. I forgave myself for lying to those around me about the bruises and cuts I’d always have. I forgave myself for lying to the police after they were called to our house. And I forgave myself for convincing the child I once was, that mommy’s pain was worth more than her own. It wasn’t but I love her more than enough to know she just wanted to do the “right” thing.
It ended with me. I remember the day my mother slammed my head into the floor until I bled, I was 9. I remember her nails digging so deep into my arm that I hid the cuts and bruises they left, I was 12. I remember my dad protecting me as soon as he understood, I was 14. I remember it because I live it every day, even though it hasn’t happened in 6 years. A survivor is a survivor for the rest of their life, no one gets to take their strength away from them anymore. They know how much it’s worth.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.