Message to a Survivor
Hope means whatever you want it to, no one gets to define it but you.
For me, hope is knowing that I’m more than what happened to me, and I’m accomplishing more than my abuser ever will. Hope was moving out of the country and creating a family that would never intentionally hurt me. Hope is the idea that one day I’ll have babies who will never know the force of a parent’s fist.
Message of Healing
I healed through forgiveness. It wasn’t for my abuser, but for myself.
I forgave my mother, a scared child with no opportunities to grow higher. I forgave the teenage girl who gave birth to me, and only knew how to discipline in the same way she’d grown up.
And most importantly, I forgave myself. I forgave myself for lying to those around me about the bruises and cuts I’d always have. I forgave myself for lying to the police after they were called to our house. And I forgave myself for convincing the child I once was, that mommy’s pain was worth more than her own. It wasn’t but I love her more than enough to know she just wanted to do the “right” thing.
It ended with me. I remember the day my mother slammed my head into the floor until I bled, I was 9. I remember her nails digging so deep into my arm that I hid the cuts and bruises they left, I was 12. I remember my dad protecting me as soon as he understood, I was 14. I remember it because I live it every day, even though it hasn’t happened in 6 years. A survivor is a survivor for the rest of their life, no one gets to take their strength away from them anymore. They know how much it’s worth.
