---
title: 24 yesrs lost I was a virgin which was taken from me.  I never got to be a mother and now at 54 am officially a Crone ~ NO MORE Silence, Speak Your Truth Community
description: My story was 24 years(18-42) of abuse.  I was controlled by my narcissist same sex Ex.  She was super controlling.  I wasn't allowed to have friends or to...
url: https://stories.nomore.org/en/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150.md
---

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##### Survivor story

# 24 yesrs lost I was a virgin which was taken from me. I never got to be a mother and now at 54 am officially a Crone

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##### Message to a Survivor

My husband has been and is my hope

My story was 24 years(18-42) of abuse. I was controlled by my narcissist same sex Ex. She was super controlling. I wasn't allowed to have friends or to wear jeans or pants.. Everything was always my fault and I had to earn her forgiveness. All this time het older brother started by raping and sexually abusing me Then he started human trafficking me. First it was to get into BDSM gatherings and then when he lost his job it was for money for him. I wss kept in place by threats against my now Ex and her son who was 4 when it started. I got out December 2012.. I was taking taxis because my ex had hurt her leg and I wasn't allowed to drive or have a license.. I met my now husband that way. I don't know why but I felt a connection with him for some reason. The day that ended it all in my mind. Was I had to take s train to my then therapist. She mafe me take her brother with me and said I could only go to therapy if I did that. Ot was my taxi driver who picked us up and he loed to get senior rate and didn't tip. I went back out to settle the money and wound up talking to my now husband, Husband for like 45 minutes. Husband figured out who he was and didn't eant to leave me there. I wasn't ready yet. Eventually, I left amd left everything, but she had him there all the time and she wouldn't allow me to bring Husband. So my stuff wasn't worth it. I am out and safe now, but am still plaqued by flashbacks and memories. I have been without a therapist since right before Covid. My therapist went on a two month cruise and didn't set me up with anyone to see while she was gone. Thst is sll for now I don't want to say to much Survivor

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\[Image: United States\]United States

[\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/story/24-yesrs-lost-i-was-a-virgin-which-was-taken-from-me-i-never-got-to-be-a-mother-and-now-at-54-am-officially-a-crone-1150?country=ve)

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Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1\. Where am I?

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6\. How old am I?

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Take a deep breath to end.

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.

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