--- title: NO MORE Silence, Speak Your Truth Community ~ A safe harbor for survivors description: A safe harbor for survivors of sexual harm, domestic violence, and abuse. Share your story, exchange messages of hope, and find community support. url: https://stories.nomore.org/en/index.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: NO MORE Silence, Speak Your Truth Logo\]\[Image: NO MORE Silence, Speak Your Truth Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](/en/resources) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? 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Send it to us # Community All Community Messages Survivor Stories Curated Sort by - Curated - Newest Format Format - Narrative - Artwork Find by Tag I was... Home at Someone Else’s Home at Work in School / University in a Bar / Restaurant in the Military at a Social Event Traveling in a Service Setting in a Religious Setting Incarcerated in a Public Space Online or in a Digital Space Other The person who harmed me was a... Stranger Acquaintance Non-Romantic Friend Casual / First Date Spouse Romantic Partner Ex-Partner Family Member Authority Figure Colleague Minor I identify as... Asian Arab / Middle Eastern / North African Black / African / Caribbean Hispanic / Latino / Spanish American Indian / Alaska Native Two or More Races Native Hawaiian / Other Pacific Islander White My sexual orientation is... LGBTQ+ Straight / Heterosexual Lesbian / Gay Bisexual Pansexual Queer Asexual I identify as... a Man a Woman Gender nonconforming Non-binary Genderqueer Two-Spirit a Person with a physical disability a Person who is neurodivergent a Person who is blind or has a visual impairment a Person with a speech or language impairment a Person with an intellectual or developmental disability an Immigrant I was... a Child a Teenager a Young Adult an Adult a Senior / Elderly Person When this occurred I also experienced... Physical harm Emotional abuse Financial abuse Human trafficking Stalking Verbal abuse Online or digital abuse Sexual abuse Spiritual or cultural abuse My pets being abused ### Welcome to NO MORE Silence, Speak Your Truth. This is a space where survivors of trauma and abuse share their stories alongside supportive allies. These stories remind us that hope exists even in dark times. You are never alone in your experience. Healing is possible for everyone. ##### What feels like the right place to start today? 🌤️ ✍️ 🙋 🤲 I'm ready to explore the community ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### sometimes people aren’t who you thought they were i was assaulted at Dateby my neighbor someone who we thought we could trust. and it was awful telling. i mean he never you know but yeah. and it happened for 2 years before i told anyone. he is still my neighbor and i still seem him sometimes. when i was younger it was a issue to where we got a protective order because he would wave at me. the cops wanted to arrest him but they said there wasn’t enough so i still have to see him. and i wasn’t okay for so long. i attempted and everything, i had bad ptsd, but im okay and im stronger than ever. and i have thought about it so much, but yk what, i don’t think if i could go back i wouldn’t change it because i stopped someone else from going through it. anyway, you will be okay ](/en/story/sometimes-people-arent-who-you-thought-they-were-1007) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Community Message 🇺🇸 [ Hello community, I am deeply in need of meeting with others who are also building their courage muscle to speak up and are afraid by the unknowns (not being believed, why did you wait so long, dismissal, being framed as mentally unwell, etc). Are there others who also need support to speak up and those who already have and can lend your bravery? Thank you ](/en/message/hello-community-i-am-deeply-in-need-of-meeting-with-others-who-are-also-building-their-courage-muscle-to-speak-up-and-are-afraid-by-the-unknowns-not-being-believed-why-did-you-wait-so-long-dismissal-b-1641) 2 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [1 new update](/en/story/905#updates) [ #### Name In the summer of 1985 I was 18yrs old and had just graduated high school and was headed to college in the fall. I was dating a guy and we were very much in love. Another guy I had dated briefly months before who broke it off with me, (he was 23) was throwing a party for Live Aid at his mom's house where he lived also. My boyfriend was working until 11:30pm so I went over about 9p to hang out with everyone until he arrived. The guy was making margaritas or daiquiris and I had a few. I was sitting in a chair watching TV and everyone else was in another room. The next thing I remember was waking up with the guy having sex with me. At that moment my boyfriend is coming down the hall calling my name. I call back to him and the guy gets up and dressed and ran out to my boyfriend. My boyfriend came into the room and dressed me and carried me out. I couldn't walk. After my boyfriend took me home and put me on my bed he went back to the house to do some damage to the guy but he was met at the door by the guy and his buddies and told my boyfriend that I "was chasing him all over the house naked and begging for him to have sex with me". My boyfriend believed it and it slowly destroyed our relationship and my life forever. ](/en/story/905) 1 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### “Healing to me means that all these things that happened don’t have to define me.” ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1093](https://stories.nomore.org/story/e5da8e41-56f4-44d2-9a42-a7e594188b66) [ You deserve so much better & I hope you heal and get everything you want out of your life. 🫶 ](/en/message/you-deserve-so-much-better-and-i-hope-you-heal-and-get-everything-you-want-out-of-your-life-988) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### #796 My ex was a mechanic. I was having car trouble and he fixed my car. What initially attracted me to him was that he was hard working and he was very bold. The abuse began when I was about 5 or 6 months pregnant with our first child together. Initially it was only physical abuse, it later turned into verbal, emotional, and sexual abuse. When one of my children came to me and disclosed that he had been molesting them. I didn't love myself enough but my children mean the world to me. Leaving for my children was easy as I could not allow them to be hurt. I called law enforcement and he was arrested. This is what gave me the courage to speak up about the things that I had endured. I was abandoned by all of my friends and family after they expressed to me how they felt I was to blame and didn't feel sorry for me at all. I also blamed myself for not loving myself enough to leave. I was treated horribly and not viewed as a victim at all. It was very hard to navigate this trauma on my own. But I am still here by the grace of God. ](/en/story/99d538fc-fc97-496d-bf43-cd740b6cbff0) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1141](https://stories.nomore.org/story/im-finally-free-but-my-children-are-not-1141) [ Self-forgiveness for letting things get this far and self-forgiveness for the decisions I’ve made that are now having an impact on me and everyone around me. ](/en/message/self-forgiveness-for-letting-things-get-this-far-and-self-forgiveness-for-the-decisions-ive-made-that-are-now-having-an-impact-on-me-and-everyone-around-me-1040) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### Once when I was 15 Once when I was 15 years old, my aunts husband had forced me to grab his penis and I had told my aunt which was when I had slept at her home cause I didn’t wanna be home alone and she thought it was a lie and that I wanted to leave with the boyfriend I had at the time and till this day had the whole family on her and his side ](/en/story/once-when-i-was-15-940) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1234](https://stories.nomore.org/story/a-survivor-not-a-victim-1234) [ Confronting my abuser was healing. Self-care is also important. I have taken up painting and coloring as new hobbies and dived deeper into my passions, which is music, in particular the piano and singing, as well as dance, yoga, long walks in nature, reading, and blogging now! I made a new friend and she is nice and supportive who has also been through domestic violence so we open up about what happened to us in a empathetic and nonjudgmental platform, which is super healing 💕 ](/en/message/confronting-my-abuser-was-healing-self-care-is-also-important-i-have-taken-up-painting-and-coloring-as-new-hobbies-and-dived-deeper-into-my-passions-which-is-music-in-particular-the-piano-and-singing-1139) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### “Healing means forgiving myself for all the things I may have gotten wrong in the moment.” ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Abandoned: A Motherless ChildI have no idea what I’m doing some days; I feel like I’m just moving in a body that has me up, down, and all around. All my life, I've always had myself. talking to myself was how I got through things. I would read books and teach myself what I needed to know to get by. Last year was my first time talking. Three years ago, I was contacted on Facebook by someone I once thought was family. At first, I was surprised and somewhat excited until I saw his profile picture. From that day forward, I have been in trauma therapy. Last year was my first time telling close loved ones and some family I trust my story. Somedays I wish I hadn’t of told anyone and some days I feel like im strong and I can conquer this and its that people say “if this did happen” to me, I know it did everyone involved knows it did. He reached out to me to tell me he had cancer and wants my forgiveness. How do you forgive someone for stealing your entire life? Life for me started around kindergarten, I lived in Europe I had a mom dad a brother and three sisters. Always knew I got treated different and then I found out why. My mom and dad used to always tell me I was too dark and ugly to be around the family. They used to make fun of me and call me names, one year they forgot my birthday and I got in trouble. The one year they did remember I was actually happy because I got a my little pony it wasn’t the one I wanted But I was still happy. A friend of mine had the one I wanted and I had the one she wanted so being kids we decided to trade. My mom got so upset she made me take a bath she came in the bathroom with the belt and told me to stand up in the water she beat me all the way into my room pick me up and threw me up against the wall holding me by my throat and she told me I had to walk to my friend's house and get my toy back and I was never allowed to play with her again. My dad liked to pick on me. We moved around a couple of times because my dad was in the military eventually we ended up in the USA. One day we went to visit my grandma and my brother and I we're told we had to stay there. Everyone came to visit to celebrate birthdays and holidays. One birthday event my sister and I got into it our mom yelled downstairs and I say yes mom, the next thing I know my sister turns and looks at me and says “Don't call her your mom she's not your mom your real mom doesn't want you” I found out that day my mom was actually my stepmom her and my dad got a divorce he was somewhere off in the military and she decided to give us to her mom who I thought was my grandma. Life with grandma was her teaching me everything from learning how to tell time to helping with homework to washing dishes and learning how to cook. Then she got a boyfriend all of us kids thought he was the perfect grandpa like you and they got married and he moved in with us. Things were going good and then they started to fight and argue a lot he was stealing money from her and talking to other women she would say something about it and the arguing would lead to mental abuse I'm saying very mean things to her she would still have something to say and then that led to the physical abuse. And then she got sick and didn't wanna walk anymore…. The argument that changed my life ended with” make Namedo it is her time you knew this day was coming anyway” it started with small things I will feel stuff on my legs and my arm and he felt like he was touching me but when I would turn around he'd be watching TV then he started throwing stuff on the floor and making me bend over to pick it up but I had to bend over the right way. Then I started to hear the dragging of the bottom of his house shoes headed towards my door I could see the shadows of his feet I can hear the door knob turn I would hide under my blanket and hold my breath and pretend like I was sleep. I'd hear him walking towards my bed might feel his fingers going up and down my body I'm holding my breath and trying not to cry. The next thing I remember is waking up in the morning I would try to stand up and it would be painful in my stomach I couldn't really explain why so I didn't say anything to grandma then one morning it was red stuff down there and I got scared and said something to grandma she got beat and I realized the more I told her the more he would beat her so I stopped talking. She got caught trying to stick his tongue down my throat one day he came home with this gift for me I thought it was a towel. He laughed and he said no is your dress this is what you will wear from now on when you are cleaning and cooking with no panties. What I know now is it was actually a tube top but because I was 8 years old it fit me like a dress. There was this time he told my grandma he was taking me fishing, we ended up at his brother's house that night ended with his brother's son Running into the room saying enough because I saw him out of the corner of my eye watching as they made me dance for them and bend over…. The most troubling thing in my life concerning this man is the memory that I have of waking up in a room that I didn't recognize with a camcorder facing me as I was laying in the bed that I didn't recognize and my hands were handcuffed to a bed.. him and his brother were off to the side yelling and arguing and at some point his brother who he wanted me to call uncle and I caught each other's eyes but I shut my eyes real fast and pretended like I was sleep.. I remember hearing him say I think she saw me.. I vividly remember him coming to the bed uncuffing one hand pulling the needle out sticking it in my arm and on cuffing my other arm picking me up whispering in my ear go back to sleep you won't remember this I saw his brother leave and the last thing I remember was seeing him close the door to the room and blanket fell over the door And I saw him put the key up top he told his brother to close the door which was located on the side of the house and it went into the back basement…. I remember waking up in a lot of pain…. I went to go tell my grandma and then I remembered I was locked in the basement he's entertaining. So many nights are you suggest sitting on the stairs talked to my grandma through the door because she was told by my stepmom she wasn't allowed to let me out.. My stepmom would pop up and feed me every now and then some crackers bottled water she would throw it at me.. And then one day my dad showed up. He said it would just be Just the three of us.. She said we were moving from one state to another state. At some point we were driving he said he wanted us to take the road trip. Doing that road trip we picked up my baby sister little sister and he stopped in southern state where I met my biological mother for the first time, who are also found out was the same lady that used to call my grandma's house when I heard her voice because I used to answer the phone. Life with my dad I remember going to school with what I know now is called a hangover I remember throwing up a couple of times I was in maybe 4th grade he used to make us stay up at night with him and take tequila shots and he always made me eat the worm in the bottom of the bottle… life with him was military we got inspections on our chores we had to iron our clothes for the whole week everything had to be dress right dressed ,we scrubbed floors with toothbrushes.. my friends were afraid to come to my house. And 4th grade he put a gun in my mouth and he told me I would grow up to be nothing he said my skin was too dark and I was ugly and no man would ever love me people would never take me serious because I was too dark I was too black and people don't like dark skinned women they only use us, he said I would drop out of high school and have a whole bunch of kids by different men and I would be strung out on drugs my brother will be my pimp he told me he hates me because I look so much like my mother and because of that I will be punished every day… and he did just that....](/en/story/abandoned-a-motherless-child-1742) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1097](https://stories.nomore.org/story/dear-survivor-much-love-cp-1097) [ Healing is a long process, like a ball of yarn that can get tangled here and there. But it is so worth it. My friends and family can smile knowing that I'm dancing in my kitchen at midnight, cooking and listening to my favorite songs with the biggest smile on my face. There is hope, please know that. ](/en/message/healing-is-a-long-process-like-a-ball-of-yarn-that-can-get-tangled-here-and-there-but-it-is-so-worth-it-my-friends-and-family-can-smile-knowing-that-im-dancing-in-my-kitchen-at-midnight-cooking-and-li-994) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### #1112 In high school, I was in a relationship that I thought was love, but it was anything but that. At first, everything seemed perfect—he was sweet, attentive, and said all the right things. But over time, I started to notice that things weren’t quite right. He had this way of manipulating me into doing things I didn’t want to do. If I tried to say no or set a boundary, he would start crying or tell me he was a horrible person, making me feel guilty for not giving in to what he wanted me to do. I’d end up comforting him, telling him he wasn’t awful, when deep down I was the one who felt awful. It’s strange to think about it now, but back then, I didn’t realize how toxic the relationship was. I thought I was just being a good girlfriend, trying to keep him happy. When he broke up with me, it completely shattered me. I was devastated and couldn’t understand why I felt so broken. I thought it was because I loved him so much, but the reality was, I was mourning the loss of something that wasn’t healthy at all. It wasn’t until later, when I was talking to my best friend, that I started to see the truth. He gently pointed out that my ex was abusive, that I had been manipulated and controlled. He told me I had a toxic soul tie to someone who didn’t really care about me, only about what he could get from me. Hearing that was like a wake-up call. I realized that abuse doesn’t always look like what you see in the movies. It can be emotional, subtle, and so well-hidden that you don’t even realize it’s happening. Looking back, it’s scary to think that I didn’t know I was being abused. I just thought that’s what relationships were like, that maybe I was the one who needed to change. But now I know that love isn’t supposed to make you feel small or guilty. It should be supportive and uplifting, not something that tears you down. I’m just glad I had someone who cared enough to help me see the truth, even if it took me a while to accept it. It’s so important to realize that you can be abused in a committed relationship, and sometimes, you don’t even know it’s happening until it’s over. ](/en/story/1f4045bc-7109-4f54-a86f-f4da85a4b780) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #940](https://stories.nomore.org/story/once-when-i-was-15-940) [ Believe there’s something way better ](/en/message/believe-theres-something-way-better-843) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### Name I am now 74 years old and still suffer PTSD related to my abuse over 50 years ago. I was married for 7 years and 5 of them were spent trying to find resources so I could leave. Unfortunately, there were none. The police officers would tell me, “You need to figure this out.” I had four children. My second son passed at 6 weeks. Which was a god send because my husband had another girl pregnant. She ended up getting an illegal abortion inCity. My third child, a girl, is still with me. My fourth child I gave up for adoption because I was planning on leaving and didn’t know what my future held. I was rescued by my father on a very chaotic night. I packed two suitcases and my 20 year old sister drove me to their house while my father stayed behind to confront my husband. Of course he completely denied any abuse but my dad had proof that he couldn’t argue with. I believe my dad threatened his life. Within two weeks I was in counseling that was charging what my income was. Nothing. So my counseling sessions were $1.50 a week. I had a hysterectomy that my husband refused to let me have, and signed up for nursing school. I lived with my parents for a little over a year until I graduated. I bought a beater car and became a single mother of 2. I am not an easy person to know because of my suspicions about peoples motives. Trauma is something that fades with time. I married again after five years and have been married 42 years. My message is to never give up. Thankfully, there are many resources for women now. Push and push hard to be seen and heard. I finally found my voice, you can too. ](/en/story/name-1246) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### “I have learned to abound in the joy of the small things...and God, the kindness of people. Strangers, teachers, friends. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it, but there is good in the world, and this gives me hope too.” ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1181](https://stories.nomore.org/story/out-from-the-ashes-1181) [ Give yourself grace and be patient with the process. There isn't a deadline on healing. To be honest, you may never get over the pain and trauma, but each day you choose to fight and live is another day you get to celebrate. ](/en/message/give-yourself-grace-and-be-patient-with-the-process-there-isnt-a-deadline-on-healing-to-be-honest-you-may-never-get-over-the-pain-and-trauma-but-each-day-you-choose-to-fight-and-live-is-another-day-yo-1080) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [#755We met at a campus Christian fellowship meeting during my first week of college. We were introduced by a friend of his and he walked me back to my dorm. I assumed he would be a safe person since we met through a Christian entity. Up to this point, I had very little dating experience. It went from nothing to intense real quick. We never had the conversation about what we were and all of the sudden we were serious. It went from seeing him weekly at fellowship meetings to all the time, in no time at all. We were THE couple on campus. If we weren't at an event, folks were banging on my door asking where we were. Everyone wanted to be like us. There was never any “are you sure?” or “this doesn’t seem right” conversations from anyone. There was an expectation to see us at events around campus. The abuse was gradual – boundary testing and love bombing. Although I didn’t recognize it as abuse at the time. As far as the smaller signs of abuse, I remember I told him I thought hickeys were trashy and almost immediately he gave me an intense hickey and responses, “you mean just like that?” I thought it was just a dude thing to do but in reality he crossed a boundary I set on the spot. There were so many little things like that didn’t originally feel like a red flag. If I knew what I knew now, that would have been an immediate no. He and I broke up after graduation. It felt like he dropped off the face of the earth. However, he literally showed up years later at my parent’s doorstep when I moved there to take care of my mother who was dying of cancer. Cue the love bombing again... I was already in a vulnerable place because of my mom. Once my mom passed on his birthday, he dropped everything to be with me. Looking back, he brought his baby sister and she made several comments about how I need to be “cheerful and smiling” because that is what my mom would want. It made me question why he brought her in the first place, because it wasn’t helpful. But, I still was in shock at how he dropped everything for me. We got engaged and married shortly after. The abuse continued. One day when I was heading to the grave site, I was sexually assaulted in the car and I tried to justify it by him not being used to me being dressed up and that I was being hyper emotional. These little escalations over time grew. The gaps between escalation got shorter and shorter and the escalation got more and more. He knew so much about my insecurities that he used it against me, by saying things like “who else will give you attention,” “I am the only man who has come back to you,” “you are hypersensitive just like your mom said.” He would also manipulate me and use intimidation knowing that the local DV shelter was not wheelchair accessible at the time, leaving me without a quick escape. It took me a long time to figure out how to navigate this and move forward. He enjoyed making me fear for my life, but then making me get my emotions together before seeing any of our friends. He enjoyed humiliating, degrading and making me fear for my life. One time he refused to help me accessibility wise (couldn’t get into a bathroom) and I had an accident – he enjoyed the ability to control things. More than a year before I left, I had a disassociation episode and lost hours of time. By the end of that day, I tried to leave and went to my church group for help, and they didn’t support me. So, I figured if they didn’t believe me or think that he is a good man being with a disabled woman, I thought I deserved to stay and I will likely just end up being killed. In fact, I am a strangulation survivor. He would put his hands on my throat and say things like, “you know how easily I can kill you” and once I replied, “just f\*cking do it then and get it over with” – I was at that point where I didn’t care if I lived or died. Eight years later it was my birthday eve, we went to dinner – he had to work on my actual birthday – and we began to argue over him wanting to go to a friend’s house that night. Prior to this night, he would leave for three hours or more and I never knew what he was doing or if he was dead somewhere. So, I wasn’t fond of him going back to his friend’s house on my birthday eve and I muttered the statement “well happy f\*cking birthday to me” and he replied with “you have only been ruining my birthday for the last eight f\*cking years.” And immediately after he said that I unloaded on him. The last thing I said was – I know how long you spend at your friend’s house, and I will be gone before you get back. For context, in the past I tried leaving three times. I had been pulling away for a little bit to try and process what has been going on. Once after staying with a friend for an extended period of time I would question why I would go back but it felt like I was telling myself that it would get better. One time he and I had a nasty fight when he got home very late, and I said “are we going to talk about this or do what we normally do and sweep it under the rug.” His response made me fearful. I immediately dissociated as he banged his fists on the wall and was screaming over me. I curled up and time disappeared. His voice became just noise. Then something switched and he was back to normal. I knew I needed to do what he expected me to do in order to de- escalate. So we changed for bed and I didn’t sleep a wink. The next day I tried to get him out of the house and to church but it wasn’t happening so I just left. I dissociated and don’t remember driving into town. I made it to church and it was clear that I was unwell. That is when I finally made a full disclosure and it was horrible. My pastor said it was too busy and had me sit with his mother in law. After sharing my experiences with her, she said “Are you sure you understand what abuse really is? You just need to go home and be a better wife and appreciate how much he takes care of you.” as she gestured to my wheelchair. I knew I needed to get out of there immediately. I then found a friend and disclosed it to her. She had a similar reaction. This set me off. I got in my car and had self harming thoughts. But I made it home. He told me I might as well just stay. I thought I would just die here. There was more escalation and sleep deprivation - everything got worse. He told me if I went to stay with someone else that I would be a burden to them, and no one would help me due to my disability. Two days after I left, I went home for an already planned trip for Thanksgiving and folks knew something was wrong immediately. That part of the family was and always has been supportive of my divorce. They are two hours away so help is limited. The community I lived in and am back living in, so many people want to minimize abuse towards people with disabilities. They don’t want to see the severity of it. Other folks outside of my family were not that supportive. Many questioned my ability to know what domestic violence truly is. Most tried to justify his actions and tell me it couldn't have been that bad...after all, why would he be with someone like me if he wasn't a good man?!?! As if he must be a Saint to be with someone with a disability and “maybe he was just tired of taking care of me” – utter nonsense. I have had to make my circle small. I have learned which people get it and validate me vs those who made comments or don’t support me. The biggest thing for me was finding validating books and literature. Coming into Speak Your Truth Today and seeing similarities in stories and having that validation of not being over dramatic, over sensitive, and this is a reality I am healing from was a huge thing for me. I really hope to make it known what happened to me and make sure that even if you have the slightest inclination that you are not being taken seriously, find support elsewhere. You deserve help. Not all folks with disabilities need a caregiver. And not all partners are caregivers. This is a common stereotype/assumption that people can have. Validation was rare outside my family until I found SYTT. But know this – there is NEVER an excuse for abuse. Your disability didn't cause it, there's NOTHING you do to deserve abuse. Educate yourself on healthy relationships and know that you are deserving of a peaceful, loving, committed, happy relationship. Educate yourself on the nuances of abuse towards those with disabilities. Abusers use a completely different set of tactics. We have different barriers, complex needs and shame/ ableist mentalities are deeply influenced by our abusers.](/en/story/7db115a9-f8fc-47e2-bfdc-3578c731ee1a) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1124](https://stories.nomore.org/story/prisoner-of-war-cats-story-1124) [ You got this! At the end of my story, I speak about a failed system. And, I don't know if I've made the right decision by not pressing charges. It might be something I regret later. I often think of who else my abuser could harm. No matter what, you have to follow what's best for you and your family. What brings harmony and peace. And at the same time empowerment. Keep moving forward, keep speaking, keep asking for help. It's okay to cry. It's okay to be angry. It's okay to feel everything you are feeling. You are a warrior! You survived! You are here to tell your story, when so many women didn't make it. So keep going! ](/en/message/you-got-this-at-the-end-of-my-story-i-speak-about-a-failed-system-and-i-dont-know-if-ive-made-the-right-decision-by-not-pressing-charges-it-might-be-something-i-regret-later-i-often-think-of-who-else-1023) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### #1816 I was young and naive. I didn't even know what rape was. I sought help from my friends only to be met with all of the "why didn't you...this?" or "why didn't you...that?" From that point on I blamed myself and never spoke about the rape. In my early adulthood, I had a coworker that recognized something in me and she asked me if I had been raped. She offered me support and resources. I still hadn't ever heard of any advocacy programs. At age 25, I applied for a new job working with child abuse victims. Little did I know, but they also worked with victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. I found my healing there and I continue to work there 31 years later. I found my healing and strength through educating the public and advocating for others. As I get older, I get bolder. I no longer fear sharing my story. ](/en/story/cbf8a873-350c-44a6-9c02-e5e659dac03b) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1286](https://stories.nomore.org/story/no-longer-broken-1286) [ You are loved and you are needed. You deserve love that doesn’t hurt. ](/en/message/you-are-loved-and-you-are-needed-you-deserve-love-that-doesnt-hurt-1197) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### “These moments in time, my brokenness, has been transformed into a mission. My voice used to help others. My experiences making an impact. I now choose to see power, strength, and even beauty in my story.” ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### Prisoner of War- Cat's Story The day I ran from my abuser, I felt an intense urge to turn the car around. My sister’s voice kept replaying through my head. “Catherine, keep your eyes on the road. Don’t look at your phone. Don’t stop.” For five years, I had been raped, beaten, brainwashed, stripped of my identity and isolated from my family and friends. I knew if I turned that car around, I wouldn’t survive. At first, I couldn’t do anything for myself. My sister had to remind me to brush my teeth, bathe and eat. My abuser had controlled everything, and I mean everything. From what and how much I ate to what I wore, how I spoke, and who I spoke to. I didn’t know how to live outside of him and his needs. For years, I had been operating in survival mode. Everything had centered around him, what he expected from me and what would set him off. I was constantly walking on eggshells. The day I escaped, he told me I was pregnant. The only birth control allowed was the pull-out method. Rape is a hard word for me, because I think of it as being physically held down. But he had psychological control over me. I had no agency or choice. I was to abide by his rules or there would be repercussions. Although pregnancy may have been physically impossible because my weight was around 90 pounds, I was still terrified. I was in the South. If I were pregnant, there would be little to no abortion access. Luckily, I was able to get the Plan B pill within 72 hours. In my mid-20s, I was diagnosed with HPV. My abuser had prohibited me from getting health insurance and health care. The domestic violence hotline gave me resources for health care in my sister’s area, a small town in Georgia. None of these resources would take me because I didn’t have health insurance. The only one who agreed to see me was the health department; they only tested for certain STDs and did not perform gynecological exams. Like many women who have been in my situation, I felt lost. I knew I would be going back home to New Orleans for the holidays. Fortunately, I was able to schedule an exam with Planned Parenthood. They were sensitive to my situation and provided me with information and options. Most importantly, the staff treated me like a person. Since I left, my life has gotten much better, but I’m still on edge. Daily, I have traumatic flashbacks and second-guess and dissect most things.. With holistic therapeutic modalities, I’m healing. The only time the police were called was for me to escape. I had told my abuser I was leaving. He held me hostage in a hotel room for a couple of hours to keep me from leaving. I was able to get out once the police arrived. A year and half after my escape, I called to look into pressing charges. The police had never written a report. There was only documentation of the phone call and the time they arrived and left. They told me to file my own report, which at the time of the incident I didn't know about. So, I filed my report. When I spoke to an investigator, he questioned me on why I was looking at filing charges over a year later. I told him that I had dealt with intense trauma where I couldn't even eat and bathe without being told to do so. He said that it was too late, I. didn't have enough evidence, and it would go no where. And when I called back to at least get the report I filed, the woman was dismissive. And they had NO REPORT. Why would I go through a system that enables, ridicules, and disempowers victims? I am still healing and getting back on my feet, and because of this treatment from the very department that is suppose to have my back, I have decided to put it to bed. For now, my focus is on speaking up and helping other survivors. ](/en/story/prisoner-of-war-cats-story-1124) 1 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1082](https://stories.nomore.org/story/im-sorry-but-im-no-longer-here-for-you-im-here-for-myself-1082) [ Never underestimate the strength you carry within, even on the darkest days. Sometimes, simply moving forward is an act of bravery. The storm will pass, and on the other side of all that pain, a stronger, freer version of yourself is waiting. You are not alone, and every small step toward healing is a victory. Hope is the thread that keeps us connected to a better future, and each day is a new opportunity to rebuild ourselves. Keep believing in yourself, because the best is yet to come. ](/en/message/we-believe-in-hope-to-every-survivor-reading-this-i-want-you-to-know-that-there-is-light-beyond-the-darkness-your-strength-may-feel-fragile-right-now-but-it-is-there-waiting-to-guide-you-through-the-p-1132) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### #1103 I grew up in an abusive household where we constantly moved and lived with my mom’s boyfriends. I watched my mom from my earliest memory until she took her last breathe fall into the pattern of abuse. When I was 8 years old my mom chose to leave her abuser for the sake of me and my brother. But that didn’t stop him from coming back and making threats and eventually coming into our new home and killing her with my brother and I there. Watching it ends with us showed me a different perspective. It showed me that my mom tried to leave her Ryle for the sake of us, to try to end the pattern. Unfortunately she was unable to and we lost her. As a young adult now I’ve been in 2 relationships where there was violence and abuse and despite my fears I’ve been able to leave for my sake and the sake of my future kids. I know I deserve better, every women and man deserves better. Please don’t settle for a significant other that is abusive verbally or physically. You are worth so much more. ](/en/story/b0b6b17c-b158-4395-a1d0-d8196887b3d6) Dear reader, this story contains language of self-harm that some may find triggering or discomforting. 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1236](https://stories.nomore.org/story/survivorofsexabusein1975-rapesurvivorof1989-1236) [ having family and friends as well as two cats around that love you and dont judge you because of this. ](/en/message/having-family-and-friends-as-well-as-two-cats-around-that-love-you-and-dont-judge-you-because-of-this-1143) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### Name I had accepted my fate, until one day a friend witnessed the aftermath of the abuse. That friend saved my life, and I found my will to live. It's been ten years since I said no more, and I've built a life for myself that I never thought I'd live to see. You are not alone. You are worthy. You are loved. You deserve the world. There is a reason you are here, and the world is so much better with you in it. ](/en/story/766) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### “To anyone facing something similar, you are not alone. You are worth so much and are loved by so many. You are so much stronger than you realize.” ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #892](https://stories.nomore.org/story/736c844f-fac0-4dd1-b8b6-b1f8454b5f6c) [ There is no definition for sexual assault. If you feel like it violated you and your body, those feelings are valid and they deserve to be tended to and healed. Healing is never done, it's a constant process and very complicated! Take your time, breathe, and remember that there is good people out there! ](/en/message/there-is-no-definition-for-sexual-assault-if-you-feel-like-it-violated-you-and-your-body-those-feelings-are-valid-and-they-deserve-to-be-tended-to-and-healed-healing-is-never-done-its-a-constant-proce-786) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### Name I was used and abused by my next door neighbor's teenage son for two years, from age 4 till age 6. I was friends with his little sister and him and he gained my trust after my mom and I moved into the house. The first time it happened we were in the living room and he got my Simpsons sheet from my room and we went under the sheet and he unvelcroed his board shorts and took his penis out and put my head on it, telling me to pretend it was a bottle, it was frequent between oral and anal and I didn't understand how bad it was, my mom caught it finally and it stopped. My mom was going to press charges but his dad was a former police officer and my decided to not go through with it. As a child afterwards I moved forward, in my teens and adult years, I'm 36 almost 37, relationships have been difficult. I'm have not been intimate with any woman. ](/en/story/author-844) 1 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #770](https://stories.nomore.org/story/770) [ For me healing is focusing on bettering myself for a better future and life. It takes time but it is very possible even small things like reading or doing self care is healing. Healing has no specific defenition and can be done by anyone. ](/en/message/for-me-healing-is-focusing-on-bettering-myself-for-a-better-future-and-life-it-takes-time-but-it-is-very-possible-even-small-things-like-reading-or-doing-self-care-is-healing-healing-has-no-specific-d-1822) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇬🇧 [ #### #736 I Say No More Cause..... I am a mother of a 5 year old daughter. I was 23 when I had my daughter, left my mothers house and moved in with my daughters father. You know there is a saying "you will only know a men true colors once you live with them under the same roof", its absolutely true. My daughters father was a drug addict and he loved women. I used to get beaten up for asking questions for looking at his phone and especially when i use to find out the truth, that was it knowing about the truth should eat him up. He use to beat me while i had my daughter in my arms, he use to chock me till i have a black out, he use to take my head and bang it on the wall and fridge, he use to call me names , disrespect me and my family. He sold/pawned all my daughters jewelry to support his bad habits. I was so stupid cause i left him & went back around about 3 times. Do you know at one point he was saving my neighbors (female) picture on the phone , he use to chat to a lady that was married and bad mouth me to her. I was dark in my skin . I was so thin (I) use to fit in a size 26 jeans I still have scars on my body cause of the dirty, dis-respectable animal not even a women begin. As for his family they never kept me safe at all even when I spoke up.When he use to lift his hands for me I started doing the same to protect myself from digging my own grave, I had to stand up for myself cause nobody else was going to do it for me. The day I left my daughters father for good was the day he broke my nose he punched me in the face I was covered with blood, still lied to my family and said "I fell in the bathroom" but deep down I knew my family knew it was a lie. Today I still look in the mirror with a Crockett nose. I packed my daughters & my clothing called my father and went to my mum. It has been 2 and a half years since I am not with him, thanks to my mother I look an feel beautiful again. My parents & 2 sisters supported my daughter & I till I got a stable job. I am so glad that I walked away as soon as i seen blood on myself that was it. I TOLD MYSELF I HAD ENOUGH.... Date today am 28 married to such an amazing men that treats me like a queen never disrespected me or even tried to lift a finger on me, makes me feel beautiful , loved am truly blessed. My daughter does not have to see her mother getting beaten again. Oh yes am in a size 34 jeans now :-), it feels great. I say am blessed cause the men i married accepted me with my scars and a daughter. ''DONT BE AFRAID TO WALK AWAY" ](/en/story/d1b6e34f-ed75-4e15-89e6-7397fe18e4a2) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #756](https://stories.nomore.org/story/aec38bd0-3b04-4b34-bbb2-3a01244227d0) [ IT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT. Even though healing can feel so much harder… IT'S SO WORTH IT. I would 100% choose to spend my life with PTSD than to not have left. ](/en/message/it-was-never-your-fault-even-though-healing-can-feel-so-much-harder-its-so-worth-it-i-would-100-choose-to-spend-my-life-with-ptsd-than-to-not-have-left-636) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### You are surviving and that is enough. ##### Story From a survivor 🇬🇧 [ #### Name You hear it all over the news. You see it in films and tv shows. As women, we are often warned, and we hear comments about ‘safety in numbers’ when you go to the toilet. ‘Watch your drinks’ when out and about. ‘Don’t show that much skin, cover up’. ‘You can’t wear that.’ ‘Get a taxi home, it’s not safe to walk’… unfortunately words can not protect you from the intentions of others. I went on a night out with friends, a reunion that started off so well. I remember the dancing, the constant flow of drinks…pints, gin, vodka, sambuca to name a few. Yes, it is not ideal to mix however, when you are reminiscing, and your group had a booth with a table full of drinks; you would probably do the same! Anyway, the lights flashed, the music bounced off the walls and suddenly a trip to the loo mixed with alcohol on a busy autumn international night in Location…makes you forget what floor you left your friends on. Fast forward to the smoking area alone on the phone, where I swayed and debated leaving. “A taxi home would be safer than walking in the rain”. Before I was allowed in, I had to pay by card, he insisted on no cash. I entered the taxi behind the passenger seat in the back and it began. The looks through the rear-view mirror were instant…my memory of the journey is absent until we reach my corner. My directions at this point were now ignored but I trusted him. He parked, away from my house. He locked the car with me still inside. He looked back. “Kiss me”. He had hold of my wrists and climbed through to the back where he began to sexually assault me. I am unsure for how long this lasted but he later broke away and asked to use my toilet. This enabled me to get out of the car so…I said yes. Why I ever thought I could get into my house first in a pair of heels whilst heavily intoxicated I do not know, but even so, I looked back to see how ahead I was…even now I can see him running down that pavement to reach me at my door. In my own home, he was in control. He stole my breath, he stole my voice, he stole my body. He raped me. No one ever prepares you for an event like that, or even how to tell your parents. I went to SARC, I did the forensics and repetitive questions, and I was told it would take years of my life away if I were to take it further. So, I went back to work the following Monday as I had a responsibility to fulfil. It weighed on my shoulders. I knew there was an expectation. Many google searches informed me of my next steps…I made an anonymous complaint to the Police, and everything began to move. Everything became intense…I was living out what felt like a BBC drama. Months later he denied it in court, so we went to trial. The support I received was minimal. I was still working, taking unpaid time off. My close family and friends were those who got me through the days in court, the days in-between and the days I live now. I took away the screen during my time on the stand, I answered every insulting question and remark. I looked him in the eyes, he held eye contact for only a few seconds before breaking into a smirk; as I broke down in the stand. I was torn to pieces in front of a judge, jury and courtroom. In front of him, who proceeded to spin his web of lies which were the complete opposite to the ones he had said in his initial statement. “To be a good liar, one needs a good memory” …He was found guilty. It took 2 weeks for me to be seen as a victim and believed. Fast forward to the sentencing hearing where my main pillars of support accompanied me…I read out my victim impact statement… He got 11 years…a minimum of 8 ½. I got a lifetime sentence, anxiety, depression, dissociation, insomnia, scars and PTSD. February 2024, 2 months after the 1st anniversary; I made my 3rd attempt. A phone call from a friend pulled me back to reality, who later pulled me off the bridge. A mixture of anger, tears and confusion filled the next couple of days, and I knew I needed to take back control of my mind and body. Which is hard when his monstrous hands are imprinted, his poisonous breath echoing in and flooding my ears and the pain weighing heavy on my body. This time I had to do something different. I could not bring myself to hurt anyone else further, so I searched online. I came across The Survivors Trust and after a quick scan through what they had to offer, I instantly thought ‘why wasn’t I told about this sooner?’. Talking can feel repetitive especially when you cannot explain how exactly you are feeling…which is ok in this sense because of their ‘Survivor Resources’. They echo that everyone has a different healing journey and they have sets of resources that have been put together with the survivor in mind…whilst also having a section for those who are looking for help on how to support a survivor they love in their lives. The Survivors Trust then became an outlet for me because even though I am very much at the beginning of my healing journey, I felt responsible and motivated to raise awareness for this charity. No one should ever have to face a traumatic event like this but sadly, the actions of others are something we cannot control. Therefore, I created a Facebook page called ‘Name’ and started promoting my quiz night followed by live music and started a Just Giving Page. I never anticipated a big response; I had a goal of £1000. A goal of raising awareness for the charity, fellow victims and survivors. A goal to inform. The CSEW estimated that 1.1 million adults aged 16 years and over experienced sexual assault in the year ending March 2022 (798,000 women and 275,000 men). 15% of girls and 5% of boys have experienced sexual violence by the time they are sixteen. Every five minutes in the UK someone experiences rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault by penetration. ‘On the face of it, something has to change’ (Prima Facie, 2022). Date he was sentenced. Date 2 I raised a total of Specific amount from site.. People have different opinions on the length of time to which I will be ‘fixed’. “Sometimes, it takes a few days”. A few days, a few weeks; a few months to fully grasp what happened, to trust myself? Living in and out of my own body, not knowing when it is truly me or what is now left. The sleepless nights, the nights that repeat every detail. Every once in a while, my ears go out, ringing as I simply stare into thin air, dissociating and remembering each and every detail without speaking a word. Sometimes it only takes a smell, a name, a piece of clothing, a sound to take me back to these moments. It does not take much to remind the brain of the agony. It’s hard. I float throughout each day, each night, as each aspect of the memory replays every time, I take a second to think…no matter where or who I am with. It is currently day 630…I have finally started EMDR therapy, I am still at times in denial of the events, and I am very much at the beginning of my journey. I am beginning to understand there is no timeframe on healing and with the support of this charity, my close family and name, taking time to self-care and keeping up with my medication is all I can do for now. Everyone is different. Therefore, it is totally natural to heal and deal with trauma in different ways. I work and like to keep busy…some say to avoid/escape the flashbacks but unfortunately, they do not escape me. However, although I have tried many times not to be…I am alive, and I am going to do everything in my power to make sure things change. No one should live in the fear of not being believed. No one should be put into situations where they experience a type of sexual assault. No one should have to go through something they could not control and feel guilty for the rest of their lives. No one should feel alone. Don’t get me wrong, I still feel shame, guilt, embarrassment, regret and the list goes on but I will get there. I am alive today because of the resources and support presented on The Survivors Trust site. My journey is very much at the beginning, and I so wish I knew about this charity sooner. Therefore, this is me giving back as well as letting others know about the charity, not only the victims either…Survivors Trust helps everyone impacted. Raising Amountp is just the start of the work I will be doing for the charity. It is okay to talk, there are people who will believe, who will support in any way they can. Together we are stronger…you do not have to face this battle alone. I have recently continued to share my story and been a listening ear to others on my page Name on Instagram and Facebook. I don't want anyone to ever feel alone in their trauma, in their healing, in their journey. I am far beyond cured. My EMDR therapy has been completed but its like a bomb has gone off...I've accepted what has happened, happened. But it'll forever be part of who I am no matter how many steps forward I take. He gets out in 5 years and is then under watch for 3 years as he is eased back into society - that support has been planned for him. However, if I didn't attempt to take my life 5 times...I would never have been put forward for MH screening by my gp who then referred me for EMDR. I wasn't given any support from SARC or Victim Support - and it's honestly made me feel so defeated yet again by him. Yes, he was found guilty and went to prison in 2023 but I am the one serving the life sentence. ](/en/story/1496) Dear reader, this story contains language of self-harm that some may find triggering or discomforting. 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1204](https://stories.nomore.org/story/author-title-is-freedom-is-glorious-1204) [ Healing is a Journey ~ A Journey of Self-Care, Rebuilding your life, healing from old wounds (physical, emotional, mental, financial, etc.). This journey could take months, years, or a lifetime. You may have setbacks, but you will rebound with confidence and strength. Healing is Hope. ](/en/message/healing-is-a-journey-a-journey-of-self-care-rebuilding-your-life-healing-from-old-wounds-physical-emotional-mental-financial-etc-this-journey-could-take-months-years-or-a-lifetime-you-may-have-setback-1804) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### Name's Story At 19 years old and away from home for the first time…I thought I was in love. I married someone I barely knew. I met him at Military Training, and we got stationed in the same city. I wanted a wedding, but he did not so we ended up at the Justice of the Peace. This was one of the first of many things I did to compromise. Shortly after we were married, his true colors started showing. Slowly, I was isolated, moved away from all my friends and family. I could not do anything right. Everything was my fault. No matter how hard I tried it was never good enough. He forced me to watch pornography and forced me to do things sexually that I had not consented to. Yes, a spouse can rape their spouse. I was called all sorts of names, mocked, belittled, insulted, and worse. It was mostly behind closed doors; however, some was done in public. We would only hang out with my friends and family when he wanted to put on a show. At one point he moved his “friend” in with us because she had nowhere to go. After being diagnosed with an STD, I learned she was one of many women that he cheated on me with. She was his mistress in every sense of the word. At some point I lost who I was and began to think I was exactly who he said I was…worthless, ugly, and nothing. I was living in a fog. I could not make sense of my feelings or thoughts. I had no idea what to do to make him happy because no matter how much I tried to do what I thought he said he wanted it was never right. I attempted suicide which surprised my family, friends, and co-workers because I had never said a word. I had been able to put on a smile and always help others during the workday. No one knew the verbal, emotional or sexual abuse I endured at home. After my suicide attempt my family, and the few friends that still stood by me tried to get me to leave. I refused to leave. I was insistent that could make my marriage work. If I only tried harder. If I were only the person, he wanted me to be. Then, out of the blue, he was arrested, court-martialed, and sent to military prison (on matters unrelated to the marriage). I still tried to make things work. I would go visit him in jail, take care of our home, pay the bills, and try to be a “good wife”. One day he called asking for things he wanted. When I told him that I had not bought the requested items because I was looking for a part-time job to pay the bills (we had mounds of debt thanks to him), he called me “undependable”. It was in that moment I finally realized I deserved more. I yelled into the phone “You’re right; I’m undependable!” and hung up the phone. I then took off my engagement and wedding rings and proceeded to throw them across the living room into the kitchen where they came to rest under the washer and dryer. The next day I contacted a lawyer and within a few weeks we were divorced. We had been married for one year and four months and had known each other for one year and nine months. In less than two years this man had broken me to the point that I no longer knew who I was and kept me from making new friends at my duty assignment. The only friends I had at this point were some old friends from high school that I did not see often but they refused to be pushed away. His actions caused me to spiral into a pit of depression so severe that I thought the only answer (or way out) was to take my own life. Throughout my first marriage, I had a friend who told my first ex-husband to back off and that he was going to stay my friend no matter what. He kept his word and continued to always be there for me during my marriage. When I told him, I was getting divorced, he took leave and came to stay with me for a week so he could be in the courtroom with me during the divorce hearing. 2 years and 7 months later this friend and I were married. Like my first husband, I also met him at military training. Our whole relationship had been long distance except for the few months at military training and that one week during my divorce. We spent the first year of marriage apart waiting for the military to station us together. We got pregnant the first weekend we were finally living together. Once we were living together, his true personality quickly emerged. He was always on the computer due to video games and/or pornography. He could not be bothered to help if he was on the computer. He would yell when he was not happy. I called to say I was in premature labor with our child and he did not come to the hospital. Once the baby arrived, I would ask for help, but he could not be bothered because he was busy. As time went on, the yelling, silent treatment, name calling, not helping around the house, and just ignoring me only seemed to get worse. Then he got deployed. I discovered he was having at minimum one online affair and saying all sorts of hateful and nasty things about me. I confronted him, and he acted like it was not a big deal. I felt differently. It was a big deal to me, so I left. I filed for a divorce. He spent months sweet talking me until I foolishly took him back. At this point we were now both out of the military. We bought a house, and he went to school. I worked full-time, tried to go school, and took care of the house and our child. He still seldom helped with anything. I had to pay for childcare because our child bothered him while he was doing his schoolwork. The name calling, silent treatments and ignoring only got worse. I noticed he was punishing our child in ways that were not appropriate for a toddler and expecting things beyond a toddler’s capability. I started having panic attacks when I pulled into the garage after work because I did not know which personality I was going to meet when I walked in the house: Mr. Happy or Mr. Angry. His behavior after we moved in together did not match the behavior of the friend who was there for me during my first marriage; he had changed – or had he? He stopped telling me how much he loved me and how much he needed me and proceeded to tear me down or not talk to me at all. I had reached that all too familiar point where I was again in a fog and not sure what to do because everything, I did was wrong…unless he wanted something. I felt like I was walking on eggshells at home all the time. I remember he said something to me at a store one day and a woman made eye contact with me…her look said, “Honey, just say the word and I will help you escape”. I just quickly looked away. The final straw was coming home from work one day and finding my usually very active child sitting very still on the couch. When I asked what was wrong, my child said, “Daddy slapped across both cheeks for playing in some mud with the dog.” I confronted him and told him he had three choices: get help, leave or I was calling the police. He chose to leave and blame me for making him “poor and homeless”. Seven months after we separated, we were divorced. We had been married for eight years and ten months. We had known each other for ten years and seven months. He had gone from being one of my best friends to a total stranger who left me feeling even more empty and broken than my first husband had. It is hard to put into words the slow way both individuals managed to tear me down to nothing, to the point that I felt like I had nothing left to live for. Unlike my first marriage, the second time it was not just me. I had to protect my child. Both used verbal and emotional abuse to slowly control me and make me feel like nothing, make me question my sanity, and make me believe I was a complete idiot and loser. One of them used sex as a weapon for his pleasure and another withheld touch of any kind knowing that it is one of my Love Languages. Both could be kind when it suited them to make them look good or to get what they wanted. Thanks to both of these individuals I now know gaslighting, love bombing, flying monkeys, triangulation, projection, threats (both threatened to kill me), trauma-bonding and more are all part of a Narcissist’s play book. It was not me who was crazy or not worthy. They used these tools to get what they wanted and then tossed me to the side when I was no longer needed. Now that I know what these actions and terms mean I have been able to educate myself on how to recognize the signs, heal from the trauma and reach a point where I am able to share my story of survival. I had no idea who I was, what I liked, how to live a happy life or how to be strong. I could put on a good show for the outside world, or so I thought. I have since learned that my family and close friends could tell things were wrong. They were praying for me and standing close for when I finally reached out for help. When I look back over both marriages, I see God’s hand in them, and I know that it is because of Him that I am still here to tell my story. My first ex-husband walked in on me with the pills in hand and a razor blade at my wrist. For all the bad he did God used him to save my life by having him walk-in at that exact moment. He reported me to the military thinking it would get me in trouble but instead it saved my career and my life. His going to jail allowed me to get away. During my second marriage I can honestly say that the only reason I was able to get away is truly a miracle. I believe the prayers of my loved ones were answered by giving me a strength that came only from God, allowing me to stand up to him and give him those three choices after he slapped our child. How did I escape and repair my spirit? How did I find me again and become happy, strong, out-going, courageous, stand my ground, and know my own worth? I did it through the mercy, forgiveness, and love of God. I have spent hours in prayer and bible study. I have gone to Christian based counseling. I have shared my story with others. It has been a long road to recovery, but I know now I am a child of God and I am worth more than what those two individuals did to me. I will never settle again. Never settle for less than you are worth. You are worth more than all the rubies and diamonds in the world. You are His child. You are loved. You are beautiful. You are strong. You can. You will Survive. ](/en/story/author-story-1182) Dear reader, this story contains language of self-harm that some may find triggering or discomforting. 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1491](https://stories.nomore.org/story/abuse-has-many-forms-1491) [ It is not your fault. You are strong and capable. Love does not hurt. ](/en/message/it-is-not-your-fault-you-are-strong-and-capable-love-does-not-hurt-1320) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### No more invisibility! Emotional and psychological abuse is abuse, even if it’s invisible to other people. I spent years ashamed of what was happening to me, thinking no one would believe me if I spoke up, because there were no visible scars. But I’m here to say, for anyone else going through this: You deserve more. Your kids deserve more. You deserve to be seen. You deserve to be heard. I will not be invisible anymore. I will not be quiet. We’re in this together. Sending love.💕 ](/en/story/no-more-invisibility-1107) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### “It’s always okay to reach out for help” ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1592](https://stories.nomore.org/story/name-1592) [ I was 42 when I was able to safely escape from my abusive husband. It's never too late to begin again. You're not too old. Freedom from violence is a basic human right. I hope my story will show victims and survivors of every generation that the abuse was never their fault. ](/en/message/i-was-42-when-i-was-able-to-safely-escape-from-my-abusive-husband-its-never-too-late-to-begin-again-youre-not-too-old-freedom-from-violence-is-a-basic-human-right-i-hope-my-story-will-show-victims-and-1817) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇧🇦 [ #### You can stop swimming now. I saw the movie tonight with my little sister. We grew up together in an abusive home, everything that Lily’s father did to her mom, our father did to ours (and even worse). He sometimes did those things to us too. From the fact that he’s still portrayed as a beloved father to many, I found consolation in the movie tonight. I realised that I’m not that child anymore, I’m safe now and most importantly, I can stop swimming now. And you also, my little sister, we can both stop swimming now. I love you. ](/en/story/you-can-stop-swimming-now-1066) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇨🇦 [Story #1718](https://stories.nomore.org/story/i-didnt-imagine-it-i-survived-it-1718) [ I’m 56 years old, and only recently began to speak what I’ve held inside for most of my life. The abuse I went through wasn’t just physical — it was emotional, manipulative, and so deeply confusing that for decades, I blamed myself. I told myself I was exaggerating, or making it up, or that I should just “be over it by now.” I wasn’t. I’m not. But I’m healing. And if you’re here, reading this… I want you to know: You’re not crazy. You’re not broken. You’re not alone. I know what it’s like to be terrified of your own memories. To carry silence because you think no one will believe you — or worse, that they’ll say it’s your fault. I’m so sorry if you’ve been met with disbelief or gaslighting. I have too. And I know how that can bury a person. But I’m here, still standing, and slowly rebuilding a life that feels like mine. I still have days where the fear takes over, or the grief knocks me flat. But I also have days now where I feel free, where I laugh deeply, where I take back something that was stolen. If you’re just beginning to speak your truth, or even just letting yourself feel it, please know: that’s enough. You’re doing something brave. You’re not alone. I’m walking this road too. And I believe you. With love, — A woman healing out loud ](/en/message/im-56-years-old-and-only-recently-began-to-speak-what-ive-held-inside-for-most-of-my-life-the-abuse-i-went-through-wasnt-just-physical-it-was-emotional-manipulative-and-so-deeply-confusing-that-for-de-1552) 2 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### (Name) I dated someone for 4 years and they were very abusive I forever wish I would’ve reported the abuse that went on but instead I kept quiet. I am forever thankful that I was able to wake up mentally one day and realize it was not fair to keep being with someone who was physically violent with me and that person did not love me. I am still recovering even years later from this but every day is a new journey and you have to take each day by day because it will get better. ](/en/story/author-1085) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1326](https://stories.nomore.org/story/88b3e7cb-c87c-4eab-84ca-5cad74c49cca) [ What healing means to me well I've been doing a lot of coping skills like going hiking and cooking it keeps my mind busy ](/en/message/what-healing-means-to-me-well-ive-been-doing-a-lot-of-coping-skills-like-going-hiking-and-cooking-it-keeps-my-mind-busy-1220) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### You are wonderful, strong, and worthy. From one survivor to another. ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### Flowers bloom after the rain. \[Image: Flowers bloom after the rain.\] ](/en/story/flowers-bloom-after-the-rain-759) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1231](https://stories.nomore.org/story/the-mothers-poem-1231) [ Healing means to me, knowing it's okay to take care of yourself first and not feel bad about it. It is okay to get the right help and say, "no, I am not having a good day today". Giving yourself permission to feel, except and try again. ](/en/message/healing-means-to-me-knowing-its-okay-to-take-care-of-yourself-first-and-not-feel-bad-about-it-it-is-okay-to-get-the-right-help-and-say-no-i-am-not-having-a-good-day-today-giving-yourself-permission-to-1135) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ### Welcome to NO MORE Silence, Speak Your Truth. This is a space where survivors of trauma and abuse share their stories alongside supportive allies. These stories remind us that hope exists even in dark times. You are never alone in your experience. Healing is possible for everyone. ##### What feels like the right place to start today? 🌤️ ✍️ 🙋 🤲 I'm ready to explore the community ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [1 new update](/en/story/905#updates) [ #### Name In the summer of 1985 I was 18yrs old and had just graduated high school and was headed to college in the fall. I was dating a guy and we were very much in love. Another guy I had dated briefly months before who broke it off with me, (he was 23) was throwing a party for Live Aid at his mom's house where he lived also. My boyfriend was working until 11:30pm so I went over about 9p to hang out with everyone until he arrived. The guy was making margaritas or daiquiris and I had a few. I was sitting in a chair watching TV and everyone else was in another room. The next thing I remember was waking up with the guy having sex with me. At that moment my boyfriend is coming down the hall calling my name. I call back to him and the guy gets up and dressed and ran out to my boyfriend. My boyfriend came into the room and dressed me and carried me out. I couldn't walk. After my boyfriend took me home and put me on my bed he went back to the house to do some damage to the guy but he was met at the door by the guy and his buddies and told my boyfriend that I "was chasing him all over the house naked and begging for him to have sex with me". My boyfriend believed it and it slowly destroyed our relationship and my life forever. ](/en/story/905) 1 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### #796 My ex was a mechanic. I was having car trouble and he fixed my car. What initially attracted me to him was that he was hard working and he was very bold. The abuse began when I was about 5 or 6 months pregnant with our first child together. Initially it was only physical abuse, it later turned into verbal, emotional, and sexual abuse. When one of my children came to me and disclosed that he had been molesting them. I didn't love myself enough but my children mean the world to me. Leaving for my children was easy as I could not allow them to be hurt. I called law enforcement and he was arrested. This is what gave me the courage to speak up about the things that I had endured. I was abandoned by all of my friends and family after they expressed to me how they felt I was to blame and didn't feel sorry for me at all. I also blamed myself for not loving myself enough to leave. I was treated horribly and not viewed as a victim at all. It was very hard to navigate this trauma on my own. But I am still here by the grace of God. ](/en/story/99d538fc-fc97-496d-bf43-cd740b6cbff0) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1234](https://stories.nomore.org/story/a-survivor-not-a-victim-1234) [ Confronting my abuser was healing. Self-care is also important. I have taken up painting and coloring as new hobbies and dived deeper into my passions, which is music, in particular the piano and singing, as well as dance, yoga, long walks in nature, reading, and blogging now! I made a new friend and she is nice and supportive who has also been through domestic violence so we open up about what happened to us in a empathetic and nonjudgmental platform, which is super healing 💕 ](/en/message/confronting-my-abuser-was-healing-self-care-is-also-important-i-have-taken-up-painting-and-coloring-as-new-hobbies-and-dived-deeper-into-my-passions-which-is-music-in-particular-the-piano-and-singing-1139) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1097](https://stories.nomore.org/story/dear-survivor-much-love-cp-1097) [ Healing is a long process, like a ball of yarn that can get tangled here and there. But it is so worth it. My friends and family can smile knowing that I'm dancing in my kitchen at midnight, cooking and listening to my favorite songs with the biggest smile on my face. There is hope, please know that. ](/en/message/healing-is-a-long-process-like-a-ball-of-yarn-that-can-get-tangled-here-and-there-but-it-is-so-worth-it-my-friends-and-family-can-smile-knowing-that-im-dancing-in-my-kitchen-at-midnight-cooking-and-li-994) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### Name I am now 74 years old and still suffer PTSD related to my abuse over 50 years ago. I was married for 7 years and 5 of them were spent trying to find resources so I could leave. Unfortunately, there were none. The police officers would tell me, “You need to figure this out.” I had four children. My second son passed at 6 weeks. Which was a god send because my husband had another girl pregnant. She ended up getting an illegal abortion inCity. My third child, a girl, is still with me. My fourth child I gave up for adoption because I was planning on leaving and didn’t know what my future held. I was rescued by my father on a very chaotic night. I packed two suitcases and my 20 year old sister drove me to their house while my father stayed behind to confront my husband. Of course he completely denied any abuse but my dad had proof that he couldn’t argue with. I believe my dad threatened his life. Within two weeks I was in counseling that was charging what my income was. Nothing. So my counseling sessions were $1.50 a week. I had a hysterectomy that my husband refused to let me have, and signed up for nursing school. I lived with my parents for a little over a year until I graduated. I bought a beater car and became a single mother of 2. I am not an easy person to know because of my suspicions about peoples motives. Trauma is something that fades with time. I married again after five years and have been married 42 years. My message is to never give up. Thankfully, there are many resources for women now. Push and push hard to be seen and heard. I finally found my voice, you can too. ](/en/story/name-1246) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [#755We met at a campus Christian fellowship meeting during my first week of college. We were introduced by a friend of his and he walked me back to my dorm. I assumed he would be a safe person since we met through a Christian entity. Up to this point, I had very little dating experience. It went from nothing to intense real quick. We never had the conversation about what we were and all of the sudden we were serious. It went from seeing him weekly at fellowship meetings to all the time, in no time at all. We were THE couple on campus. If we weren't at an event, folks were banging on my door asking where we were. Everyone wanted to be like us. There was never any “are you sure?” or “this doesn’t seem right” conversations from anyone. There was an expectation to see us at events around campus. The abuse was gradual – boundary testing and love bombing. Although I didn’t recognize it as abuse at the time. As far as the smaller signs of abuse, I remember I told him I thought hickeys were trashy and almost immediately he gave me an intense hickey and responses, “you mean just like that?” I thought it was just a dude thing to do but in reality he crossed a boundary I set on the spot. There were so many little things like that didn’t originally feel like a red flag. If I knew what I knew now, that would have been an immediate no. He and I broke up after graduation. It felt like he dropped off the face of the earth. However, he literally showed up years later at my parent’s doorstep when I moved there to take care of my mother who was dying of cancer. Cue the love bombing again... I was already in a vulnerable place because of my mom. Once my mom passed on his birthday, he dropped everything to be with me. Looking back, he brought his baby sister and she made several comments about how I need to be “cheerful and smiling” because that is what my mom would want. It made me question why he brought her in the first place, because it wasn’t helpful. But, I still was in shock at how he dropped everything for me. We got engaged and married shortly after. The abuse continued. One day when I was heading to the grave site, I was sexually assaulted in the car and I tried to justify it by him not being used to me being dressed up and that I was being hyper emotional. These little escalations over time grew. The gaps between escalation got shorter and shorter and the escalation got more and more. He knew so much about my insecurities that he used it against me, by saying things like “who else will give you attention,” “I am the only man who has come back to you,” “you are hypersensitive just like your mom said.” He would also manipulate me and use intimidation knowing that the local DV shelter was not wheelchair accessible at the time, leaving me without a quick escape. It took me a long time to figure out how to navigate this and move forward. He enjoyed making me fear for my life, but then making me get my emotions together before seeing any of our friends. He enjoyed humiliating, degrading and making me fear for my life. One time he refused to help me accessibility wise (couldn’t get into a bathroom) and I had an accident – he enjoyed the ability to control things. More than a year before I left, I had a disassociation episode and lost hours of time. By the end of that day, I tried to leave and went to my church group for help, and they didn’t support me. So, I figured if they didn’t believe me or think that he is a good man being with a disabled woman, I thought I deserved to stay and I will likely just end up being killed. In fact, I am a strangulation survivor. He would put his hands on my throat and say things like, “you know how easily I can kill you” and once I replied, “just f\*cking do it then and get it over with” – I was at that point where I didn’t care if I lived or died. Eight years later it was my birthday eve, we went to dinner – he had to work on my actual birthday – and we began to argue over him wanting to go to a friend’s house that night. Prior to this night, he would leave for three hours or more and I never knew what he was doing or if he was dead somewhere. So, I wasn’t fond of him going back to his friend’s house on my birthday eve and I muttered the statement “well happy f\*cking birthday to me” and he replied with “you have only been ruining my birthday for the last eight f\*cking years.” And immediately after he said that I unloaded on him. The last thing I said was – I know how long you spend at your friend’s house, and I will be gone before you get back. For context, in the past I tried leaving three times. I had been pulling away for a little bit to try and process what has been going on. Once after staying with a friend for an extended period of time I would question why I would go back but it felt like I was telling myself that it would get better. One time he and I had a nasty fight when he got home very late, and I said “are we going to talk about this or do what we normally do and sweep it under the rug.” His response made me fearful. I immediately dissociated as he banged his fists on the wall and was screaming over me. I curled up and time disappeared. His voice became just noise. Then something switched and he was back to normal. I knew I needed to do what he expected me to do in order to de- escalate. So we changed for bed and I didn’t sleep a wink. The next day I tried to get him out of the house and to church but it wasn’t happening so I just left. I dissociated and don’t remember driving into town. I made it to church and it was clear that I was unwell. That is when I finally made a full disclosure and it was horrible. My pastor said it was too busy and had me sit with his mother in law. After sharing my experiences with her, she said “Are you sure you understand what abuse really is? You just need to go home and be a better wife and appreciate how much he takes care of you.” as she gestured to my wheelchair. I knew I needed to get out of there immediately. I then found a friend and disclosed it to her. She had a similar reaction. This set me off. I got in my car and had self harming thoughts. But I made it home. He told me I might as well just stay. I thought I would just die here. There was more escalation and sleep deprivation - everything got worse. He told me if I went to stay with someone else that I would be a burden to them, and no one would help me due to my disability. Two days after I left, I went home for an already planned trip for Thanksgiving and folks knew something was wrong immediately. That part of the family was and always has been supportive of my divorce. They are two hours away so help is limited. The community I lived in and am back living in, so many people want to minimize abuse towards people with disabilities. They don’t want to see the severity of it. Other folks outside of my family were not that supportive. Many questioned my ability to know what domestic violence truly is. Most tried to justify his actions and tell me it couldn't have been that bad...after all, why would he be with someone like me if he wasn't a good man?!?! As if he must be a Saint to be with someone with a disability and “maybe he was just tired of taking care of me” – utter nonsense. I have had to make my circle small. I have learned which people get it and validate me vs those who made comments or don’t support me. The biggest thing for me was finding validating books and literature. Coming into Speak Your Truth Today and seeing similarities in stories and having that validation of not being over dramatic, over sensitive, and this is a reality I am healing from was a huge thing for me. I really hope to make it known what happened to me and make sure that even if you have the slightest inclination that you are not being taken seriously, find support elsewhere. You deserve help. Not all folks with disabilities need a caregiver. And not all partners are caregivers. This is a common stereotype/assumption that people can have. Validation was rare outside my family until I found SYTT. But know this – there is NEVER an excuse for abuse. Your disability didn't cause it, there's NOTHING you do to deserve abuse. Educate yourself on healthy relationships and know that you are deserving of a peaceful, loving, committed, happy relationship. Educate yourself on the nuances of abuse towards those with disabilities. Abusers use a completely different set of tactics. We have different barriers, complex needs and shame/ ableist mentalities are deeply influenced by our abusers.](/en/story/7db115a9-f8fc-47e2-bfdc-3578c731ee1a) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1286](https://stories.nomore.org/story/no-longer-broken-1286) [ You are loved and you are needed. You deserve love that doesn’t hurt. ](/en/message/you-are-loved-and-you-are-needed-you-deserve-love-that-doesnt-hurt-1197) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1082](https://stories.nomore.org/story/im-sorry-but-im-no-longer-here-for-you-im-here-for-myself-1082) [ Never underestimate the strength you carry within, even on the darkest days. Sometimes, simply moving forward is an act of bravery. The storm will pass, and on the other side of all that pain, a stronger, freer version of yourself is waiting. You are not alone, and every small step toward healing is a victory. Hope is the thread that keeps us connected to a better future, and each day is a new opportunity to rebuild ourselves. Keep believing in yourself, because the best is yet to come. ](/en/message/we-believe-in-hope-to-every-survivor-reading-this-i-want-you-to-know-that-there-is-light-beyond-the-darkness-your-strength-may-feel-fragile-right-now-but-it-is-there-waiting-to-guide-you-through-the-p-1132) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### Name I had accepted my fate, until one day a friend witnessed the aftermath of the abuse. That friend saved my life, and I found my will to live. It's been ten years since I said no more, and I've built a life for myself that I never thought I'd live to see. You are not alone. You are worthy. You are loved. You deserve the world. There is a reason you are here, and the world is so much better with you in it. ](/en/story/766) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### Name I was used and abused by my next door neighbor's teenage son for two years, from age 4 till age 6. I was friends with his little sister and him and he gained my trust after my mom and I moved into the house. The first time it happened we were in the living room and he got my Simpsons sheet from my room and we went under the sheet and he unvelcroed his board shorts and took his penis out and put my head on it, telling me to pretend it was a bottle, it was frequent between oral and anal and I didn't understand how bad it was, my mom caught it finally and it stopped. My mom was going to press charges but his dad was a former police officer and my decided to not go through with it. As a child afterwards I moved forward, in my teens and adult years, I'm 36 almost 37, relationships have been difficult. I'm have not been intimate with any woman. ](/en/story/author-844) 1 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #756](https://stories.nomore.org/story/aec38bd0-3b04-4b34-bbb2-3a01244227d0) [ IT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT. Even though healing can feel so much harder… IT'S SO WORTH IT. I would 100% choose to spend my life with PTSD than to not have left. ](/en/message/it-was-never-your-fault-even-though-healing-can-feel-so-much-harder-its-so-worth-it-i-would-100-choose-to-spend-my-life-with-ptsd-than-to-not-have-left-636) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1204](https://stories.nomore.org/story/author-title-is-freedom-is-glorious-1204) [ Healing is a Journey ~ A Journey of Self-Care, Rebuilding your life, healing from old wounds (physical, emotional, mental, financial, etc.). This journey could take months, years, or a lifetime. You may have setbacks, but you will rebound with confidence and strength. Healing is Hope. ](/en/message/healing-is-a-journey-a-journey-of-self-care-rebuilding-your-life-healing-from-old-wounds-physical-emotional-mental-financial-etc-this-journey-could-take-months-years-or-a-lifetime-you-may-have-setback-1804) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### No more invisibility! Emotional and psychological abuse is abuse, even if it’s invisible to other people. I spent years ashamed of what was happening to me, thinking no one would believe me if I spoke up, because there were no visible scars. But I’m here to say, for anyone else going through this: You deserve more. Your kids deserve more. You deserve to be seen. You deserve to be heard. I will not be invisible anymore. I will not be quiet. We’re in this together. Sending love.💕 ](/en/story/no-more-invisibility-1107) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇧🇦 [ #### You can stop swimming now. I saw the movie tonight with my little sister. We grew up together in an abusive home, everything that Lily’s father did to her mom, our father did to ours (and even worse). He sometimes did those things to us too. From the fact that he’s still portrayed as a beloved father to many, I found consolation in the movie tonight. I realised that I’m not that child anymore, I’m safe now and most importantly, I can stop swimming now. And you also, my little sister, we can both stop swimming now. I love you. ](/en/story/you-can-stop-swimming-now-1066) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1326](https://stories.nomore.org/story/88b3e7cb-c87c-4eab-84ca-5cad74c49cca) [ What healing means to me well I've been doing a lot of coping skills like going hiking and cooking it keeps my mind busy ](/en/message/what-healing-means-to-me-well-ive-been-doing-a-lot-of-coping-skills-like-going-hiking-and-cooking-it-keeps-my-mind-busy-1220) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1231](https://stories.nomore.org/story/the-mothers-poem-1231) [ Healing means to me, knowing it's okay to take care of yourself first and not feel bad about it. It is okay to get the right help and say, "no, I am not having a good day today". Giving yourself permission to feel, except and try again. ](/en/message/healing-means-to-me-knowing-its-okay-to-take-care-of-yourself-first-and-not-feel-bad-about-it-it-is-okay-to-get-the-right-help-and-say-no-i-am-not-having-a-good-day-today-giving-yourself-permission-to-1135) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### sometimes people aren’t who you thought they were i was assaulted at Dateby my neighbor someone who we thought we could trust. and it was awful telling. i mean he never you know but yeah. and it happened for 2 years before i told anyone. he is still my neighbor and i still seem him sometimes. when i was younger it was a issue to where we got a protective order because he would wave at me. the cops wanted to arrest him but they said there wasn’t enough so i still have to see him. and i wasn’t okay for so long. i attempted and everything, i had bad ptsd, but im okay and im stronger than ever. and i have thought about it so much, but yk what, i don’t think if i could go back i wouldn’t change it because i stopped someone else from going through it. anyway, you will be okay ](/en/story/sometimes-people-arent-who-you-thought-they-were-1007) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### “Healing to me means that all these things that happened don’t have to define me.” ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1141](https://stories.nomore.org/story/im-finally-free-but-my-children-are-not-1141) [ Self-forgiveness for letting things get this far and self-forgiveness for the decisions I’ve made that are now having an impact on me and everyone around me. ](/en/message/self-forgiveness-for-letting-things-get-this-far-and-self-forgiveness-for-the-decisions-ive-made-that-are-now-having-an-impact-on-me-and-everyone-around-me-1040) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### “Healing means forgiving myself for all the things I may have gotten wrong in the moment.” ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### #1112 In high school, I was in a relationship that I thought was love, but it was anything but that. At first, everything seemed perfect—he was sweet, attentive, and said all the right things. But over time, I started to notice that things weren’t quite right. He had this way of manipulating me into doing things I didn’t want to do. If I tried to say no or set a boundary, he would start crying or tell me he was a horrible person, making me feel guilty for not giving in to what he wanted me to do. I’d end up comforting him, telling him he wasn’t awful, when deep down I was the one who felt awful. It’s strange to think about it now, but back then, I didn’t realize how toxic the relationship was. I thought I was just being a good girlfriend, trying to keep him happy. When he broke up with me, it completely shattered me. I was devastated and couldn’t understand why I felt so broken. I thought it was because I loved him so much, but the reality was, I was mourning the loss of something that wasn’t healthy at all. It wasn’t until later, when I was talking to my best friend, that I started to see the truth. He gently pointed out that my ex was abusive, that I had been manipulated and controlled. He told me I had a toxic soul tie to someone who didn’t really care about me, only about what he could get from me. Hearing that was like a wake-up call. I realized that abuse doesn’t always look like what you see in the movies. It can be emotional, subtle, and so well-hidden that you don’t even realize it’s happening. Looking back, it’s scary to think that I didn’t know I was being abused. I just thought that’s what relationships were like, that maybe I was the one who needed to change. But now I know that love isn’t supposed to make you feel small or guilty. It should be supportive and uplifting, not something that tears you down. I’m just glad I had someone who cared enough to help me see the truth, even if it took me a while to accept it. It’s so important to realize that you can be abused in a committed relationship, and sometimes, you don’t even know it’s happening until it’s over. ](/en/story/1f4045bc-7109-4f54-a86f-f4da85a4b780) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### “I have learned to abound in the joy of the small things...and God, the kindness of people. Strangers, teachers, friends. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it, but there is good in the world, and this gives me hope too.” ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1124](https://stories.nomore.org/story/prisoner-of-war-cats-story-1124) [ You got this! At the end of my story, I speak about a failed system. And, I don't know if I've made the right decision by not pressing charges. It might be something I regret later. I often think of who else my abuser could harm. No matter what, you have to follow what's best for you and your family. What brings harmony and peace. And at the same time empowerment. Keep moving forward, keep speaking, keep asking for help. It's okay to cry. It's okay to be angry. It's okay to feel everything you are feeling. You are a warrior! You survived! You are here to tell your story, when so many women didn't make it. So keep going! ](/en/message/you-got-this-at-the-end-of-my-story-i-speak-about-a-failed-system-and-i-dont-know-if-ive-made-the-right-decision-by-not-pressing-charges-it-might-be-something-i-regret-later-i-often-think-of-who-else-1023) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### “These moments in time, my brokenness, has been transformed into a mission. My voice used to help others. My experiences making an impact. I now choose to see power, strength, and even beauty in my story.” ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### #1103 I grew up in an abusive household where we constantly moved and lived with my mom’s boyfriends. I watched my mom from my earliest memory until she took her last breathe fall into the pattern of abuse. When I was 8 years old my mom chose to leave her abuser for the sake of me and my brother. But that didn’t stop him from coming back and making threats and eventually coming into our new home and killing her with my brother and I there. Watching it ends with us showed me a different perspective. It showed me that my mom tried to leave her Ryle for the sake of us, to try to end the pattern. Unfortunately she was unable to and we lost her. As a young adult now I’ve been in 2 relationships where there was violence and abuse and despite my fears I’ve been able to leave for my sake and the sake of my future kids. I know I deserve better, every women and man deserves better. Please don’t settle for a significant other that is abusive verbally or physically. You are worth so much more. ](/en/story/b0b6b17c-b158-4395-a1d0-d8196887b3d6) Dear reader, this story contains language of self-harm that some may find triggering or discomforting. 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### “To anyone facing something similar, you are not alone. You are worth so much and are loved by so many. You are so much stronger than you realize.” ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #770](https://stories.nomore.org/story/770) [ For me healing is focusing on bettering myself for a better future and life. It takes time but it is very possible even small things like reading or doing self care is healing. Healing has no specific defenition and can be done by anyone. ](/en/message/for-me-healing-is-focusing-on-bettering-myself-for-a-better-future-and-life-it-takes-time-but-it-is-very-possible-even-small-things-like-reading-or-doing-self-care-is-healing-healing-has-no-specific-d-1822) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### You are surviving and that is enough. ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### Name's Story At 19 years old and away from home for the first time…I thought I was in love. I married someone I barely knew. I met him at Military Training, and we got stationed in the same city. I wanted a wedding, but he did not so we ended up at the Justice of the Peace. This was one of the first of many things I did to compromise. Shortly after we were married, his true colors started showing. Slowly, I was isolated, moved away from all my friends and family. I could not do anything right. Everything was my fault. No matter how hard I tried it was never good enough. He forced me to watch pornography and forced me to do things sexually that I had not consented to. Yes, a spouse can rape their spouse. I was called all sorts of names, mocked, belittled, insulted, and worse. It was mostly behind closed doors; however, some was done in public. We would only hang out with my friends and family when he wanted to put on a show. At one point he moved his “friend” in with us because she had nowhere to go. After being diagnosed with an STD, I learned she was one of many women that he cheated on me with. She was his mistress in every sense of the word. At some point I lost who I was and began to think I was exactly who he said I was…worthless, ugly, and nothing. I was living in a fog. I could not make sense of my feelings or thoughts. I had no idea what to do to make him happy because no matter how much I tried to do what I thought he said he wanted it was never right. I attempted suicide which surprised my family, friends, and co-workers because I had never said a word. I had been able to put on a smile and always help others during the workday. No one knew the verbal, emotional or sexual abuse I endured at home. After my suicide attempt my family, and the few friends that still stood by me tried to get me to leave. I refused to leave. I was insistent that could make my marriage work. If I only tried harder. If I were only the person, he wanted me to be. Then, out of the blue, he was arrested, court-martialed, and sent to military prison (on matters unrelated to the marriage). I still tried to make things work. I would go visit him in jail, take care of our home, pay the bills, and try to be a “good wife”. One day he called asking for things he wanted. When I told him that I had not bought the requested items because I was looking for a part-time job to pay the bills (we had mounds of debt thanks to him), he called me “undependable”. It was in that moment I finally realized I deserved more. I yelled into the phone “You’re right; I’m undependable!” and hung up the phone. I then took off my engagement and wedding rings and proceeded to throw them across the living room into the kitchen where they came to rest under the washer and dryer. The next day I contacted a lawyer and within a few weeks we were divorced. We had been married for one year and four months and had known each other for one year and nine months. In less than two years this man had broken me to the point that I no longer knew who I was and kept me from making new friends at my duty assignment. The only friends I had at this point were some old friends from high school that I did not see often but they refused to be pushed away. His actions caused me to spiral into a pit of depression so severe that I thought the only answer (or way out) was to take my own life. Throughout my first marriage, I had a friend who told my first ex-husband to back off and that he was going to stay my friend no matter what. He kept his word and continued to always be there for me during my marriage. When I told him, I was getting divorced, he took leave and came to stay with me for a week so he could be in the courtroom with me during the divorce hearing. 2 years and 7 months later this friend and I were married. Like my first husband, I also met him at military training. Our whole relationship had been long distance except for the few months at military training and that one week during my divorce. We spent the first year of marriage apart waiting for the military to station us together. We got pregnant the first weekend we were finally living together. Once we were living together, his true personality quickly emerged. He was always on the computer due to video games and/or pornography. He could not be bothered to help if he was on the computer. He would yell when he was not happy. I called to say I was in premature labor with our child and he did not come to the hospital. Once the baby arrived, I would ask for help, but he could not be bothered because he was busy. As time went on, the yelling, silent treatment, name calling, not helping around the house, and just ignoring me only seemed to get worse. Then he got deployed. I discovered he was having at minimum one online affair and saying all sorts of hateful and nasty things about me. I confronted him, and he acted like it was not a big deal. I felt differently. It was a big deal to me, so I left. I filed for a divorce. He spent months sweet talking me until I foolishly took him back. At this point we were now both out of the military. We bought a house, and he went to school. I worked full-time, tried to go school, and took care of the house and our child. He still seldom helped with anything. I had to pay for childcare because our child bothered him while he was doing his schoolwork. The name calling, silent treatments and ignoring only got worse. I noticed he was punishing our child in ways that were not appropriate for a toddler and expecting things beyond a toddler’s capability. I started having panic attacks when I pulled into the garage after work because I did not know which personality I was going to meet when I walked in the house: Mr. Happy or Mr. Angry. His behavior after we moved in together did not match the behavior of the friend who was there for me during my first marriage; he had changed – or had he? He stopped telling me how much he loved me and how much he needed me and proceeded to tear me down or not talk to me at all. I had reached that all too familiar point where I was again in a fog and not sure what to do because everything, I did was wrong…unless he wanted something. I felt like I was walking on eggshells at home all the time. I remember he said something to me at a store one day and a woman made eye contact with me…her look said, “Honey, just say the word and I will help you escape”. I just quickly looked away. The final straw was coming home from work one day and finding my usually very active child sitting very still on the couch. When I asked what was wrong, my child said, “Daddy slapped across both cheeks for playing in some mud with the dog.” I confronted him and told him he had three choices: get help, leave or I was calling the police. He chose to leave and blame me for making him “poor and homeless”. Seven months after we separated, we were divorced. We had been married for eight years and ten months. We had known each other for ten years and seven months. He had gone from being one of my best friends to a total stranger who left me feeling even more empty and broken than my first husband had. It is hard to put into words the slow way both individuals managed to tear me down to nothing, to the point that I felt like I had nothing left to live for. Unlike my first marriage, the second time it was not just me. I had to protect my child. Both used verbal and emotional abuse to slowly control me and make me feel like nothing, make me question my sanity, and make me believe I was a complete idiot and loser. One of them used sex as a weapon for his pleasure and another withheld touch of any kind knowing that it is one of my Love Languages. Both could be kind when it suited them to make them look good or to get what they wanted. Thanks to both of these individuals I now know gaslighting, love bombing, flying monkeys, triangulation, projection, threats (both threatened to kill me), trauma-bonding and more are all part of a Narcissist’s play book. It was not me who was crazy or not worthy. They used these tools to get what they wanted and then tossed me to the side when I was no longer needed. Now that I know what these actions and terms mean I have been able to educate myself on how to recognize the signs, heal from the trauma and reach a point where I am able to share my story of survival. I had no idea who I was, what I liked, how to live a happy life or how to be strong. I could put on a good show for the outside world, or so I thought. I have since learned that my family and close friends could tell things were wrong. They were praying for me and standing close for when I finally reached out for help. When I look back over both marriages, I see God’s hand in them, and I know that it is because of Him that I am still here to tell my story. My first ex-husband walked in on me with the pills in hand and a razor blade at my wrist. For all the bad he did God used him to save my life by having him walk-in at that exact moment. He reported me to the military thinking it would get me in trouble but instead it saved my career and my life. His going to jail allowed me to get away. During my second marriage I can honestly say that the only reason I was able to get away is truly a miracle. I believe the prayers of my loved ones were answered by giving me a strength that came only from God, allowing me to stand up to him and give him those three choices after he slapped our child. How did I escape and repair my spirit? How did I find me again and become happy, strong, out-going, courageous, stand my ground, and know my own worth? I did it through the mercy, forgiveness, and love of God. I have spent hours in prayer and bible study. I have gone to Christian based counseling. I have shared my story with others. It has been a long road to recovery, but I know now I am a child of God and I am worth more than what those two individuals did to me. I will never settle again. Never settle for less than you are worth. You are worth more than all the rubies and diamonds in the world. You are His child. You are loved. You are beautiful. You are strong. You can. You will Survive. ](/en/story/author-story-1182) Dear reader, this story contains language of self-harm that some may find triggering or discomforting. 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### “It’s always okay to reach out for help” ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇨🇦 [Story #1718](https://stories.nomore.org/story/i-didnt-imagine-it-i-survived-it-1718) [ I’m 56 years old, and only recently began to speak what I’ve held inside for most of my life. The abuse I went through wasn’t just physical — it was emotional, manipulative, and so deeply confusing that for decades, I blamed myself. I told myself I was exaggerating, or making it up, or that I should just “be over it by now.” I wasn’t. I’m not. But I’m healing. And if you’re here, reading this… I want you to know: You’re not crazy. You’re not broken. You’re not alone. I know what it’s like to be terrified of your own memories. To carry silence because you think no one will believe you — or worse, that they’ll say it’s your fault. I’m so sorry if you’ve been met with disbelief or gaslighting. I have too. And I know how that can bury a person. But I’m here, still standing, and slowly rebuilding a life that feels like mine. I still have days where the fear takes over, or the grief knocks me flat. But I also have days now where I feel free, where I laugh deeply, where I take back something that was stolen. If you’re just beginning to speak your truth, or even just letting yourself feel it, please know: that’s enough. You’re doing something brave. You’re not alone. I’m walking this road too. And I believe you. With love, — A woman healing out loud ](/en/message/im-56-years-old-and-only-recently-began-to-speak-what-ive-held-inside-for-most-of-my-life-the-abuse-i-went-through-wasnt-just-physical-it-was-emotional-manipulative-and-so-deeply-confusing-that-for-de-1552) 2 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report #### You are wonderful, strong, and worthy. From one survivor to another. ##### Community Message 🇺🇸 [ Hello community, I am deeply in need of meeting with others who are also building their courage muscle to speak up and are afraid by the unknowns (not being believed, why did you wait so long, dismissal, being framed as mentally unwell, etc). Are there others who also need support to speak up and those who already have and can lend your bravery? Thank you ](/en/message/hello-community-i-am-deeply-in-need-of-meeting-with-others-who-are-also-building-their-courage-muscle-to-speak-up-and-are-afraid-by-the-unknowns-not-being-believed-why-did-you-wait-so-long-dismissal-b-1641) 2 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1093](https://stories.nomore.org/story/e5da8e41-56f4-44d2-9a42-a7e594188b66) [ You deserve so much better & I hope you heal and get everything you want out of your life. 🫶 ](/en/message/you-deserve-so-much-better-and-i-hope-you-heal-and-get-everything-you-want-out-of-your-life-988) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### Once when I was 15 Once when I was 15 years old, my aunts husband had forced me to grab his penis and I had told my aunt which was when I had slept at her home cause I didn’t wanna be home alone and she thought it was a lie and that I wanted to leave with the boyfriend I had at the time and till this day had the whole family on her and his side ](/en/story/once-when-i-was-15-940) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Abandoned: A Motherless ChildI have no idea what I’m doing some days; I feel like I’m just moving in a body that has me up, down, and all around. All my life, I've always had myself. talking to myself was how I got through things. I would read books and teach myself what I needed to know to get by. Last year was my first time talking. Three years ago, I was contacted on Facebook by someone I once thought was family. At first, I was surprised and somewhat excited until I saw his profile picture. From that day forward, I have been in trauma therapy. Last year was my first time telling close loved ones and some family I trust my story. Somedays I wish I hadn’t of told anyone and some days I feel like im strong and I can conquer this and its that people say “if this did happen” to me, I know it did everyone involved knows it did. He reached out to me to tell me he had cancer and wants my forgiveness. How do you forgive someone for stealing your entire life? Life for me started around kindergarten, I lived in Europe I had a mom dad a brother and three sisters. Always knew I got treated different and then I found out why. My mom and dad used to always tell me I was too dark and ugly to be around the family. They used to make fun of me and call me names, one year they forgot my birthday and I got in trouble. The one year they did remember I was actually happy because I got a my little pony it wasn’t the one I wanted But I was still happy. A friend of mine had the one I wanted and I had the one she wanted so being kids we decided to trade. My mom got so upset she made me take a bath she came in the bathroom with the belt and told me to stand up in the water she beat me all the way into my room pick me up and threw me up against the wall holding me by my throat and she told me I had to walk to my friend's house and get my toy back and I was never allowed to play with her again. My dad liked to pick on me. We moved around a couple of times because my dad was in the military eventually we ended up in the USA. One day we went to visit my grandma and my brother and I we're told we had to stay there. Everyone came to visit to celebrate birthdays and holidays. One birthday event my sister and I got into it our mom yelled downstairs and I say yes mom, the next thing I know my sister turns and looks at me and says “Don't call her your mom she's not your mom your real mom doesn't want you” I found out that day my mom was actually my stepmom her and my dad got a divorce he was somewhere off in the military and she decided to give us to her mom who I thought was my grandma. Life with grandma was her teaching me everything from learning how to tell time to helping with homework to washing dishes and learning how to cook. Then she got a boyfriend all of us kids thought he was the perfect grandpa like you and they got married and he moved in with us. Things were going good and then they started to fight and argue a lot he was stealing money from her and talking to other women she would say something about it and the arguing would lead to mental abuse I'm saying very mean things to her she would still have something to say and then that led to the physical abuse. And then she got sick and didn't wanna walk anymore…. The argument that changed my life ended with” make Namedo it is her time you knew this day was coming anyway” it started with small things I will feel stuff on my legs and my arm and he felt like he was touching me but when I would turn around he'd be watching TV then he started throwing stuff on the floor and making me bend over to pick it up but I had to bend over the right way. Then I started to hear the dragging of the bottom of his house shoes headed towards my door I could see the shadows of his feet I can hear the door knob turn I would hide under my blanket and hold my breath and pretend like I was sleep. I'd hear him walking towards my bed might feel his fingers going up and down my body I'm holding my breath and trying not to cry. The next thing I remember is waking up in the morning I would try to stand up and it would be painful in my stomach I couldn't really explain why so I didn't say anything to grandma then one morning it was red stuff down there and I got scared and said something to grandma she got beat and I realized the more I told her the more he would beat her so I stopped talking. She got caught trying to stick his tongue down my throat one day he came home with this gift for me I thought it was a towel. He laughed and he said no is your dress this is what you will wear from now on when you are cleaning and cooking with no panties. What I know now is it was actually a tube top but because I was 8 years old it fit me like a dress. There was this time he told my grandma he was taking me fishing, we ended up at his brother's house that night ended with his brother's son Running into the room saying enough because I saw him out of the corner of my eye watching as they made me dance for them and bend over…. The most troubling thing in my life concerning this man is the memory that I have of waking up in a room that I didn't recognize with a camcorder facing me as I was laying in the bed that I didn't recognize and my hands were handcuffed to a bed.. him and his brother were off to the side yelling and arguing and at some point his brother who he wanted me to call uncle and I caught each other's eyes but I shut my eyes real fast and pretended like I was sleep.. I remember hearing him say I think she saw me.. I vividly remember him coming to the bed uncuffing one hand pulling the needle out sticking it in my arm and on cuffing my other arm picking me up whispering in my ear go back to sleep you won't remember this I saw his brother leave and the last thing I remember was seeing him close the door to the room and blanket fell over the door And I saw him put the key up top he told his brother to close the door which was located on the side of the house and it went into the back basement…. I remember waking up in a lot of pain…. I went to go tell my grandma and then I remembered I was locked in the basement he's entertaining. So many nights are you suggest sitting on the stairs talked to my grandma through the door because she was told by my stepmom she wasn't allowed to let me out.. My stepmom would pop up and feed me every now and then some crackers bottled water she would throw it at me.. And then one day my dad showed up. He said it would just be Just the three of us.. She said we were moving from one state to another state. At some point we were driving he said he wanted us to take the road trip. Doing that road trip we picked up my baby sister little sister and he stopped in southern state where I met my biological mother for the first time, who are also found out was the same lady that used to call my grandma's house when I heard her voice because I used to answer the phone. Life with my dad I remember going to school with what I know now is called a hangover I remember throwing up a couple of times I was in maybe 4th grade he used to make us stay up at night with him and take tequila shots and he always made me eat the worm in the bottom of the bottle… life with him was military we got inspections on our chores we had to iron our clothes for the whole week everything had to be dress right dressed ,we scrubbed floors with toothbrushes.. my friends were afraid to come to my house. And 4th grade he put a gun in my mouth and he told me I would grow up to be nothing he said my skin was too dark and I was ugly and no man would ever love me people would never take me serious because I was too dark I was too black and people don't like dark skinned women they only use us, he said I would drop out of high school and have a whole bunch of kids by different men and I would be strung out on drugs my brother will be my pimp he told me he hates me because I look so much like my mother and because of that I will be punished every day… and he did just that....](/en/story/abandoned-a-motherless-child-1742) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #940](https://stories.nomore.org/story/once-when-i-was-15-940) [ Believe there’s something way better ](/en/message/believe-theres-something-way-better-843) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1181](https://stories.nomore.org/story/out-from-the-ashes-1181) [ Give yourself grace and be patient with the process. There isn't a deadline on healing. To be honest, you may never get over the pain and trauma, but each day you choose to fight and live is another day you get to celebrate. ](/en/message/give-yourself-grace-and-be-patient-with-the-process-there-isnt-a-deadline-on-healing-to-be-honest-you-may-never-get-over-the-pain-and-trauma-but-each-day-you-choose-to-fight-and-live-is-another-day-yo-1080) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### #1816 I was young and naive. I didn't even know what rape was. I sought help from my friends only to be met with all of the "why didn't you...this?" or "why didn't you...that?" From that point on I blamed myself and never spoke about the rape. In my early adulthood, I had a coworker that recognized something in me and she asked me if I had been raped. She offered me support and resources. I still hadn't ever heard of any advocacy programs. At age 25, I applied for a new job working with child abuse victims. Little did I know, but they also worked with victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. I found my healing there and I continue to work there 31 years later. I found my healing and strength through educating the public and advocating for others. As I get older, I get bolder. I no longer fear sharing my story. ](/en/story/cbf8a873-350c-44a6-9c02-e5e659dac03b) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### Prisoner of War- Cat's Story The day I ran from my abuser, I felt an intense urge to turn the car around. My sister’s voice kept replaying through my head. “Catherine, keep your eyes on the road. Don’t look at your phone. Don’t stop.” For five years, I had been raped, beaten, brainwashed, stripped of my identity and isolated from my family and friends. I knew if I turned that car around, I wouldn’t survive. At first, I couldn’t do anything for myself. My sister had to remind me to brush my teeth, bathe and eat. My abuser had controlled everything, and I mean everything. From what and how much I ate to what I wore, how I spoke, and who I spoke to. I didn’t know how to live outside of him and his needs. For years, I had been operating in survival mode. Everything had centered around him, what he expected from me and what would set him off. I was constantly walking on eggshells. The day I escaped, he told me I was pregnant. The only birth control allowed was the pull-out method. Rape is a hard word for me, because I think of it as being physically held down. But he had psychological control over me. I had no agency or choice. I was to abide by his rules or there would be repercussions. Although pregnancy may have been physically impossible because my weight was around 90 pounds, I was still terrified. I was in the South. If I were pregnant, there would be little to no abortion access. Luckily, I was able to get the Plan B pill within 72 hours. In my mid-20s, I was diagnosed with HPV. My abuser had prohibited me from getting health insurance and health care. The domestic violence hotline gave me resources for health care in my sister’s area, a small town in Georgia. None of these resources would take me because I didn’t have health insurance. The only one who agreed to see me was the health department; they only tested for certain STDs and did not perform gynecological exams. Like many women who have been in my situation, I felt lost. I knew I would be going back home to New Orleans for the holidays. Fortunately, I was able to schedule an exam with Planned Parenthood. They were sensitive to my situation and provided me with information and options. Most importantly, the staff treated me like a person. Since I left, my life has gotten much better, but I’m still on edge. Daily, I have traumatic flashbacks and second-guess and dissect most things.. With holistic therapeutic modalities, I’m healing. The only time the police were called was for me to escape. I had told my abuser I was leaving. He held me hostage in a hotel room for a couple of hours to keep me from leaving. I was able to get out once the police arrived. A year and half after my escape, I called to look into pressing charges. The police had never written a report. There was only documentation of the phone call and the time they arrived and left. They told me to file my own report, which at the time of the incident I didn't know about. So, I filed my report. When I spoke to an investigator, he questioned me on why I was looking at filing charges over a year later. I told him that I had dealt with intense trauma where I couldn't even eat and bathe without being told to do so. He said that it was too late, I. didn't have enough evidence, and it would go no where. And when I called back to at least get the report I filed, the woman was dismissive. And they had NO REPORT. Why would I go through a system that enables, ridicules, and disempowers victims? I am still healing and getting back on my feet, and because of this treatment from the very department that is suppose to have my back, I have decided to put it to bed. For now, my focus is on speaking up and helping other survivors. ](/en/story/prisoner-of-war-cats-story-1124) 1 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1236](https://stories.nomore.org/story/survivorofsexabusein1975-rapesurvivorof1989-1236) [ having family and friends as well as two cats around that love you and dont judge you because of this. ](/en/message/having-family-and-friends-as-well-as-two-cats-around-that-love-you-and-dont-judge-you-because-of-this-1143) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Healing From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #892](https://stories.nomore.org/story/736c844f-fac0-4dd1-b8b6-b1f8454b5f6c) [ There is no definition for sexual assault. If you feel like it violated you and your body, those feelings are valid and they deserve to be tended to and healed. Healing is never done, it's a constant process and very complicated! Take your time, breathe, and remember that there is good people out there! ](/en/message/there-is-no-definition-for-sexual-assault-if-you-feel-like-it-violated-you-and-your-body-those-feelings-are-valid-and-they-deserve-to-be-tended-to-and-healed-healing-is-never-done-its-a-constant-proce-786) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇬🇧 [ #### #736 I Say No More Cause..... I am a mother of a 5 year old daughter. I was 23 when I had my daughter, left my mothers house and moved in with my daughters father. You know there is a saying "you will only know a men true colors once you live with them under the same roof", its absolutely true. My daughters father was a drug addict and he loved women. I used to get beaten up for asking questions for looking at his phone and especially when i use to find out the truth, that was it knowing about the truth should eat him up. He use to beat me while i had my daughter in my arms, he use to chock me till i have a black out, he use to take my head and bang it on the wall and fridge, he use to call me names , disrespect me and my family. He sold/pawned all my daughters jewelry to support his bad habits. I was so stupid cause i left him & went back around about 3 times. Do you know at one point he was saving my neighbors (female) picture on the phone , he use to chat to a lady that was married and bad mouth me to her. I was dark in my skin . I was so thin (I) use to fit in a size 26 jeans I still have scars on my body cause of the dirty, dis-respectable animal not even a women begin. As for his family they never kept me safe at all even when I spoke up.When he use to lift his hands for me I started doing the same to protect myself from digging my own grave, I had to stand up for myself cause nobody else was going to do it for me. The day I left my daughters father for good was the day he broke my nose he punched me in the face I was covered with blood, still lied to my family and said "I fell in the bathroom" but deep down I knew my family knew it was a lie. Today I still look in the mirror with a Crockett nose. I packed my daughters & my clothing called my father and went to my mum. It has been 2 and a half years since I am not with him, thanks to my mother I look an feel beautiful again. My parents & 2 sisters supported my daughter & I till I got a stable job. I am so glad that I walked away as soon as i seen blood on myself that was it. I TOLD MYSELF I HAD ENOUGH.... Date today am 28 married to such an amazing men that treats me like a queen never disrespected me or even tried to lift a finger on me, makes me feel beautiful , loved am truly blessed. My daughter does not have to see her mother getting beaten again. Oh yes am in a size 34 jeans now :-), it feels great. I say am blessed cause the men i married accepted me with my scars and a daughter. ''DONT BE AFRAID TO WALK AWAY" ](/en/story/d1b6e34f-ed75-4e15-89e6-7397fe18e4a2) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇬🇧 [ #### Name You hear it all over the news. You see it in films and tv shows. As women, we are often warned, and we hear comments about ‘safety in numbers’ when you go to the toilet. ‘Watch your drinks’ when out and about. ‘Don’t show that much skin, cover up’. ‘You can’t wear that.’ ‘Get a taxi home, it’s not safe to walk’… unfortunately words can not protect you from the intentions of others. I went on a night out with friends, a reunion that started off so well. I remember the dancing, the constant flow of drinks…pints, gin, vodka, sambuca to name a few. Yes, it is not ideal to mix however, when you are reminiscing, and your group had a booth with a table full of drinks; you would probably do the same! Anyway, the lights flashed, the music bounced off the walls and suddenly a trip to the loo mixed with alcohol on a busy autumn international night in Location…makes you forget what floor you left your friends on. Fast forward to the smoking area alone on the phone, where I swayed and debated leaving. “A taxi home would be safer than walking in the rain”. Before I was allowed in, I had to pay by card, he insisted on no cash. I entered the taxi behind the passenger seat in the back and it began. The looks through the rear-view mirror were instant…my memory of the journey is absent until we reach my corner. My directions at this point were now ignored but I trusted him. He parked, away from my house. He locked the car with me still inside. He looked back. “Kiss me”. He had hold of my wrists and climbed through to the back where he began to sexually assault me. I am unsure for how long this lasted but he later broke away and asked to use my toilet. This enabled me to get out of the car so…I said yes. Why I ever thought I could get into my house first in a pair of heels whilst heavily intoxicated I do not know, but even so, I looked back to see how ahead I was…even now I can see him running down that pavement to reach me at my door. In my own home, he was in control. He stole my breath, he stole my voice, he stole my body. He raped me. No one ever prepares you for an event like that, or even how to tell your parents. I went to SARC, I did the forensics and repetitive questions, and I was told it would take years of my life away if I were to take it further. So, I went back to work the following Monday as I had a responsibility to fulfil. It weighed on my shoulders. I knew there was an expectation. Many google searches informed me of my next steps…I made an anonymous complaint to the Police, and everything began to move. Everything became intense…I was living out what felt like a BBC drama. Months later he denied it in court, so we went to trial. The support I received was minimal. I was still working, taking unpaid time off. My close family and friends were those who got me through the days in court, the days in-between and the days I live now. I took away the screen during my time on the stand, I answered every insulting question and remark. I looked him in the eyes, he held eye contact for only a few seconds before breaking into a smirk; as I broke down in the stand. I was torn to pieces in front of a judge, jury and courtroom. In front of him, who proceeded to spin his web of lies which were the complete opposite to the ones he had said in his initial statement. “To be a good liar, one needs a good memory” …He was found guilty. It took 2 weeks for me to be seen as a victim and believed. Fast forward to the sentencing hearing where my main pillars of support accompanied me…I read out my victim impact statement… He got 11 years…a minimum of 8 ½. I got a lifetime sentence, anxiety, depression, dissociation, insomnia, scars and PTSD. February 2024, 2 months after the 1st anniversary; I made my 3rd attempt. A phone call from a friend pulled me back to reality, who later pulled me off the bridge. A mixture of anger, tears and confusion filled the next couple of days, and I knew I needed to take back control of my mind and body. Which is hard when his monstrous hands are imprinted, his poisonous breath echoing in and flooding my ears and the pain weighing heavy on my body. This time I had to do something different. I could not bring myself to hurt anyone else further, so I searched online. I came across The Survivors Trust and after a quick scan through what they had to offer, I instantly thought ‘why wasn’t I told about this sooner?’. Talking can feel repetitive especially when you cannot explain how exactly you are feeling…which is ok in this sense because of their ‘Survivor Resources’. They echo that everyone has a different healing journey and they have sets of resources that have been put together with the survivor in mind…whilst also having a section for those who are looking for help on how to support a survivor they love in their lives. The Survivors Trust then became an outlet for me because even though I am very much at the beginning of my healing journey, I felt responsible and motivated to raise awareness for this charity. No one should ever have to face a traumatic event like this but sadly, the actions of others are something we cannot control. Therefore, I created a Facebook page called ‘Name’ and started promoting my quiz night followed by live music and started a Just Giving Page. I never anticipated a big response; I had a goal of £1000. A goal of raising awareness for the charity, fellow victims and survivors. A goal to inform. The CSEW estimated that 1.1 million adults aged 16 years and over experienced sexual assault in the year ending March 2022 (798,000 women and 275,000 men). 15% of girls and 5% of boys have experienced sexual violence by the time they are sixteen. Every five minutes in the UK someone experiences rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault by penetration. ‘On the face of it, something has to change’ (Prima Facie, 2022). Date he was sentenced. Date 2 I raised a total of Specific amount from site.. People have different opinions on the length of time to which I will be ‘fixed’. “Sometimes, it takes a few days”. A few days, a few weeks; a few months to fully grasp what happened, to trust myself? Living in and out of my own body, not knowing when it is truly me or what is now left. The sleepless nights, the nights that repeat every detail. Every once in a while, my ears go out, ringing as I simply stare into thin air, dissociating and remembering each and every detail without speaking a word. Sometimes it only takes a smell, a name, a piece of clothing, a sound to take me back to these moments. It does not take much to remind the brain of the agony. It’s hard. I float throughout each day, each night, as each aspect of the memory replays every time, I take a second to think…no matter where or who I am with. It is currently day 630…I have finally started EMDR therapy, I am still at times in denial of the events, and I am very much at the beginning of my journey. I am beginning to understand there is no timeframe on healing and with the support of this charity, my close family and name, taking time to self-care and keeping up with my medication is all I can do for now. Everyone is different. Therefore, it is totally natural to heal and deal with trauma in different ways. I work and like to keep busy…some say to avoid/escape the flashbacks but unfortunately, they do not escape me. However, although I have tried many times not to be…I am alive, and I am going to do everything in my power to make sure things change. No one should live in the fear of not being believed. No one should be put into situations where they experience a type of sexual assault. No one should have to go through something they could not control and feel guilty for the rest of their lives. No one should feel alone. Don’t get me wrong, I still feel shame, guilt, embarrassment, regret and the list goes on but I will get there. I am alive today because of the resources and support presented on The Survivors Trust site. My journey is very much at the beginning, and I so wish I knew about this charity sooner. Therefore, this is me giving back as well as letting others know about the charity, not only the victims either…Survivors Trust helps everyone impacted. Raising Amountp is just the start of the work I will be doing for the charity. It is okay to talk, there are people who will believe, who will support in any way they can. Together we are stronger…you do not have to face this battle alone. I have recently continued to share my story and been a listening ear to others on my page Name on Instagram and Facebook. I don't want anyone to ever feel alone in their trauma, in their healing, in their journey. I am far beyond cured. My EMDR therapy has been completed but its like a bomb has gone off...I've accepted what has happened, happened. But it'll forever be part of who I am no matter how many steps forward I take. He gets out in 5 years and is then under watch for 3 years as he is eased back into society - that support has been planned for him. However, if I didn't attempt to take my life 5 times...I would never have been put forward for MH screening by my gp who then referred me for EMDR. I wasn't given any support from SARC or Victim Support - and it's honestly made me feel so defeated yet again by him. Yes, he was found guilty and went to prison in 2023 but I am the one serving the life sentence. ](/en/story/1496) Dear reader, this story contains language of self-harm that some may find triggering or discomforting. 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1491](https://stories.nomore.org/story/abuse-has-many-forms-1491) [ It is not your fault. You are strong and capable. Love does not hurt. ](/en/message/it-is-not-your-fault-you-are-strong-and-capable-love-does-not-hurt-1320) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Message of Hope From a survivor 🇺🇸 [Story #1592](https://stories.nomore.org/story/name-1592) [ I was 42 when I was able to safely escape from my abusive husband. It's never too late to begin again. You're not too old. Freedom from violence is a basic human right. I hope my story will show victims and survivors of every generation that the abuse was never their fault. ](/en/message/i-was-42-when-i-was-able-to-safely-escape-from-my-abusive-husband-its-never-too-late-to-begin-again-youre-not-too-old-freedom-from-violence-is-a-basic-human-right-i-hope-my-story-will-show-victims-and-1817) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### (Name) I dated someone for 4 years and they were very abusive I forever wish I would’ve reported the abuse that went on but instead I kept quiet. I am forever thankful that I was able to wake up mentally one day and realize it was not fair to keep being with someone who was physically violent with me and that person did not love me. I am still recovering even years later from this but every day is a new journey and you have to take each day by day because it will get better. ](/en/story/author-1085) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report ##### Story From a survivor 🇺🇸 [ #### Flowers bloom after the rain. \[Image: Flowers bloom after the rain.\] ](/en/story/flowers-bloom-after-the-rain-759) 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) - Report 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? Try a grounding activity For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Show resources for \[Image: United States\]United States [\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/?country=ve) English [English](/en/)[Español](/es/)[日本語](/ja/) [ About Us ](/en/about) Made with in Raleigh, NC Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms) Have feedback? 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Tell us why you are reporting this content. Our moderation team will review your report shortly. Violence, hate, or exploitation Threats, hateful language, or sexual coercion Bullying or unwanted contact Harassment, intimidation, or persistent unwanted messages Scam, fraud, or impersonation Deceptive requests or claiming to be someone else False information Misleading claims or deliberate disinformation Submit ### Share Feedback Tell us what’s working (and what isn't) so we can keep improving. Submit ### Log in Enter the email you used to submit to NO MORE Silence, Speak Your Truth and we'll send you a magic link to access your profile. Send link Grounding activity Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready